Fug or Fab: Chloë Moretz


fug-or-fab

Chloë Moretz sure is growing up fast. Every time I see a preview for the new Tim Burton Dark Shadows I think, “Chloë Moretz is turning out really gorgeous.” Well, actually, first I think, “Johnny Depp needs to take a break from Tim Burton movies because this is getting maybe kinda of schticky,” and then I think, “also, why does Johnny Depp sound like Madonna in interviews now?” and then I think “Michelle Pfeiffer looks great. I’ve missed her,” and then I think, “this movie looks sorta terrible, but maybe entertaining. What do I know?” and then I think, “I do love HBC,” and then I think, Was I the only person in America who really loved the short-lived Dark Shadows reboot they did in 1991 starring Joanna Going and Joseph Gordon-Levitt?” and then I fall down a wormhole of Wikipedia and learn that a) Joanna Going and Dylan Walsh were married for years and are only now getting divorced, and b) “Though the series premiered to great success, watched by nearly 1 in 4 households according to ratings of the period, NBC frequently pre-empted or abruptly re-scheduled later episodes in favor of news coverage during the onset of the Gulf War.” NBC, even in 1991, sort of didn’t know how to handle two things at once, it appears.

And THEN I reflect on how pretty CM is:

HOWEVER (I’m sure you knew this was coming): I think I wore that dress in 1991, and by “wore it,” I mean I sat on it and watched Dark Shadows and ate Bugles.

What do you think? Unleash in the comments.

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Comments (78):

  1. Olivia
    0

    I wore a similarly patterned dress to my 8th birthday party, so I kind of like it in a nostalgic way.

  2. Eliza Bennett
    0

    I think I like it! Not in that pattern, but…yeah. I think I like it.

  3. LovleAnjel
    0

    I did not have that dress to sit on, but I LOVED the Dark Shadows reboot. Especially the time-traveling episode. Laundry instructions are from the devil!

  4. Nicole McIlroy Steeves
    0

    I loved the 1991 version. It had Days’s Mike Horton (hot) and Lysette Anthony, who I thought was just about the prettiest lady I’d ever seen.

  5. Robin
    0

    I LOVED the 1991 version, though I couldn’t have told you who was in it.

  6. holly
    0

    i love it! maybe with some raspberry pumps?

  7. neiges
    0

    Strangely enough I like it because it does good things for her face.
    And may I say that I totally agree with you about the next Burton film? And he is not a good entertainer, he is a good… Burton. And this does not look Burtonesque enough for me. Also the Depp, come back without make up (or bloated i.e. The Tourist)! Is he sporting a new british touch accent now? Tssssstsss

  8. Lina
    0

    It’s pretty, she is pretty. But I think the dress is WAY too old for someone so young.

    • anny
      0

      I like it. I’m old enough for it though.

      • Nadia
        0

        TOTAL AGREE. I love it, but she is too young for this. I think it’s a case of a young girl wanting to look mature, and not wanting to be taken advantage of in a predatory world.
        I on the other hand am 30 and it would look HOT on me. perhaps we can do a share Anny??

  9. Kara
    0

    I think she looks great. My only slight complaints: it’s an inch too long, I can’t quite tell what’s ruching and what’s just wrinkled, and I’m not a fan of cinched sleeves as a rule. But other that that I think it’s a nice dress.

    Unlike tights with shorts, floral print is a ’90s trend I’m OK with seeing again.

  10. witjunkie
    0

    I just want to say that I love Bugles. The dress looks like a valance, but I like it anyway. But not as much as Bugles.

    • Kris M
      0

      Yes! A valance! Very 90s as well I suppose.

    • anny
      0

      Bugles: the only thing possible for eating while driving across North Dakota in the middle of the night in a thunderstorm.

  11. Libby
    0

    I wore this dress with a big ‘ol straw hat to a wedding in 1991!
    However, this does look great on her, so it’s a “fab.”

  12. luxsword
    0

    It’s fine. It’d look better on another background, though.

  13. Jerika Coleman
    0

    I think it’s really pretty – the cut and the pattern both. She does look lovely.

  14. Leah
    0

    I like it on her; suspect I would hate it on anyone else. I agree with Kara that it needs to be an inch or two shorter, though.

  15. Gina
    0

    I like the shape of the dress very much, though I would hem it an inch or two. Not sure I like the print. But what is going on with her half-tanned feet? Are her legs really that over-tanned, or is it a trick of lighting?

  16. Stefanie
    0

    If it were above the knee and had different sleeves (read: not puffy), I’d be all over this.

  17. Victoria
    0

    I think it’s adorable. It wouldn’t look as good on a handsome-rather-than-cute actress though.

  18. theotherjennifer
    0

    it’s cute, she’s cute, it fits, i can’t see her lady bits….

  19. a cake
    0

    I loved LOVED the 1991 version of DS. It was so Gothic and tragic, but the absolute best part of it was Barbara Steele’s HBIC Dr. Hoffman. She had a stare that could freeze lava. This Tim Burton revamp looks like a cheesy parody. :(

  20. Ty3009
    0

    She’s gorgeous. I get what you’re saying about the floral sofa pattern but I think it’s kind of working for her. It needs to be hemmed an inch or so though.

  21. Chasmosaur
    0

    Based on the past couple of days, obviously these florals are back, so I’m cutting her some slack. Because it fits really nicely and her hair and makeup are great.

  22. Lisa
    0

    Johnny Depp puts on a French accent, Madonna puts on an English accent, they both do a bad job of it, and maybe somehow it’s the exact same kind of bad?

  23. gin_in_teacups
    0

    Wait. Joseph Gordon Levitt did a Dark Shadows re-boot? He’s been my celebrity crush since I was 6. I literally can’t believe I didn’t know about this.

    I think I’d like the dress is fine. Maybe not a home run, but not terrible either.

    • Dyanna
      0

      It is (or was) on Netflix, I started watching it one day and I was like, “Wait, that tiny boy, that’s JGL!” And quickly IMDB’d it and felt smart. I don’t know if it is still on Netflix, but it definitely was.

  24. Blackberry Pie
    0

    I LOVED the 1991 Dark Shadows. Ben Cross, yum!! My best friend and I were obsessed with the whole thing and were totally bummed when it ended.

  25. A.J.
    0

    Wow, I wouldn’t have recognized her!

    And I did have either a dress or a skirt with that pattern in the 90s and currently have a cushion in that pattern.

  26. Heather
    0

    I ALSO loved the 1991 version, though I always thought (even then) that it was Jami Gertz and not Joanna Going. Also loved the original and ran home from school to watch it after school (as reruns).

    And yes, I had a dress (and perhaps also a papasan chair cushion – hey, I was in college) in this same pattern in 1991. But, the silhouette of this is contemporary enough that I’ll give her a pass. Plus, we should be grateful that she remains covered and her hoo-ha isn’t showing, like the sad path taken by many other teen stars.

  27. Demetan
    0

    I loooooooved Dark Shadows.

    And now I need some Bugles.

  28. Emily
    0

    Oh man, it DOES look an awful lot like my parents’ couches that they bought in about 1992. Ha! But I still think she looks great.

  29. hillary l.
    0

    She looks good, she looks age-appropriate – if only the print weren’t the sort of thing my mother-in-law would pick (she has a keen eye for dated florals).

    But this just feels like a quibble, because we know this could be so much worse.

  30. themis
    0

    Dress is lovely. Shoes, though – ugh.

  31. Suzanne
    0

    Chloe does look lovely, but how gorgeous is Joanna Going? Still love her!

  32. SaraK
    0

    She looks great, although I see the point about a slightly higher hem (Slightly! Not miles shorter!!). And since she wasn’t alive to wear this the first time it came around, I vote for this as a solid fab from the ankles up.

    Her grandma shoes and the funky tan line, not so much. They’re only slightly better than the clunky pumps we all wore this with back in the 90s. Pop on a more youthful shoe that fits, slather a little bronzer on the pale spots if they are equally strappy, and she’d be in business.

  33. christine christine
    0

    The cut and styling of the dress save it from being couch-ish. I think she looks great! Good thing she’s so slim, on a woman of the hefty persuasion (aka, me) it would much more strongly resemble furniture. At least an ottoman if not a sofa.

    • christine christine
      0

      Speaking of hefty, you know what I need for lunch? Bugles. Nacho Cheese Bugles. Now it’s all I can think about.

    • Rubee
      0

      My point exactly! The dress’ cut and styling make up for the floral pattern, and for me it doesn’t look couchy or dated. I would like the hemline to be two inches above, and other shoes. On another not, of all things 90′s coming back, one thing I can’t stand for bein way too dated is the small backpack, which I’ve seen in a couple of stores already. Not a good thing when the sight of an item makes you time-travel twenty years back.

  34. Cranky Old Batt
    0

    Its too long. And maybe, just maybe could use some color pop somewhere, shoes, earrings, but really the only thing that bugs me is the length. Otherwise she looks fresh, youthful and basically gorgeous.

  35. Jane
    0

    and….same shoes as Eva Mendez above. Weird that they don’t look like skis in beige.

    • Adriele
      0

      Right??? I noticed the same thing about the shoes!

      I mean, I love a Jimmy Choo as much as the next girl, but EVERYONE is wearing these shoes!!! I’ve even seen Kristen Stewart in them if that gives you an idea of how widespread the epidemic is.

      P.S. The dress is cute, but maybe a different print that is less… couch-like? (Also, whack some of that hem off!!!)

  36. Lina
    0

    Very 1990, but also kind of fine? She looks great and it’s entirely age appropriate.

  37. Karen
    0

    I think it wouldve been good without sleeves or maybe just t-straps.That might make it more 90s, but I loved the nineties! And it’s colors brighten her face quite a bit.

  38. Sabina
    0

    It seems kind of romantic – the pattern makes me think of the Edwardian era for some reason, yet the cut and style is structured – maybe a bit 1940s with a tinge of late 80s. I don’t know..I like it. It’s ladylike. I think it would be sexier in a different pattern or a jewel tone, but I don’t think she needs to go for that necessarily and I’m kind of digging the old timey feel of the pattern.

  39. Tricia
    0

    Maybe this is because I don’t remember the 90s much because I was a very small child, but I don’t hate this. I actually think I like it a lot, even though I wish the colors were brighter. The cut is great on her.

  40. Tara
    0

    I think it would be way more age-appropriate as a minidress. Not ultrashort, but maybe cut off just underneath where that last fold of fabric is, no?

  41. bdaiss
    0

    Lose the puffy sleeves and I think I kinda love it.

  42. Kiernan
    0

    I was going to say that I wished it were cut a little shorter, but you know! It’s age appropriate. I can dig it.

  43. Kayt
    0

    I wish you’d shown the blue dress she recently wore at the Big Screen Achievement Awards (ComicCon), that dress I really liked and coveted wildly (she also seemed to be wearing the black version of these shoes, I don’t like them in either colour).

    I think I’d like this better without sleeves, or if it was like a tea dress maybe. The shoes cacn just gtfo

  44. Halo
    0

    I had jeans in that pattern in the mid-80s. Very tight and paired with a tank top and a vest. I would have enjoyed that look better on CM.

  45. Anu
    0

    She’s such a gorgeous girl, but why oh why is she wearing her grandma’s couch?? Someone needs to tell her that its NOT OK strip unsuspecting furniture.

  46. Anu
    0

    oops missing a “to” there.I need a nap.

  47. The Fugger
    0

    I would talk smack about this, but I’m afraid that she’d kick my ass, so instead: She looks lovely.

    (Seriously, though, even if this resembles the throw on my dear Grandma Ethel’s couch (RIP, Grandma – I’ve missed you these past five years), she is wearing the hell out of it in this picture. I’m fabbing this, and haters can get to the left.)

    Honestly, I’d almost have liked Eva’s shoes on Chloe and Chloe’s shoes on Eva. Although, to be fair, although I hate nude shoes generally…these work damn well.

  48. Mahastee
    0

    The 91 version buttoned down the front, it was long, flowing, worn with chunky boots and some kind of crochet accoutrement ….

    This is so much better, and as she wasn’t born til 97, she gets a pass anyway. Fab!

  49. yeahandalso
    0

    This is lamb dressed as mutton. I’m sorry but that dress is fit for a woman old enough to be her grandmother. I think it would look lovely on say Jessica Lang as she plots murder and drinks mint juleps.

  50. Stubenville
    0

    Dear Lord, Bugles. I was a fat little kid who loved junk food but Bugles tasted just nasty to me.

    But back on subject; not only did my Aunt Eileen have a sofa upholstered in that very fabric, she also had six pairs of matching floor to ceiling drapes.

  51. VanDee
    0

    I think she looks pretty cute in it but I really, really hate how stars wearing pricey frocks ruin the whole look by having half-arsed alterations done that bring down the entire tone of said outfit. I could’ve done a better hem on that and I’ve been known to use staples and sticky tape on occasion. It’s all square and pointy. A quick steam iron would’ve helped.

  52. Cynthia W
    0

    I loved, loved, loved the reboot and have been irrationally found of Joanna Going ever since then. The movie looks horrid – but Michelle *does* look super great.

  53. Shiitake
    0

    My sister’s bedroom was upholstered and ruffled in a similarly suffocating chintz.

  54. gryt
    0

    I love the shape of the dress, the length – everything except for the fabric.

    The girl, whoever she iss, is adorable.

  55. Shannon
    0

    I LOVED the reboot of Dark Shadows! Mike Horton from Days of Our Lives was great in it, and I agree that Lysette Anthony was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. But the real draw for me was Ben Cross … lordy, he was (and is) gorgeous! I must have seen Chariots of Fire eleventy hundred times just for him. Yummy!

    Also, my parents had a living room suite in this pattern in the 80s. Hated it then, hate it now. But at least she isn’t inviting the world to be her ob/gyn or letting her underage boobs hang out.

  56. Guerra
    0

    It looks like her grandma dressed her for church

  57. Donna
    0

    Hem it just above the knee and we’re good to go. I figure it’s her choice whether or not to dress in 20 year old upholstery fabric. It may mean something to her. I don’t know her life.

  58. MK
    0

    This is a win, First, I’m assuming that this is a daytime event she’s attending, so she’s appropriately not bejazzled and glammed up. Second, florals are in. Third, the dress flatters her coloring and fits her well. Fourth, she actually looks like she’s not trying too hard, plus being gorgeous anyway. No fifth, I’m done. Win!

  59. Sajorina
    0

    LOVE!!! I love Chole Grace! She’s charismatic, funny, talented & GORGEOUS! She looks AMAZING! I love her whole ensemble! The dress, shoes, hair & makeup are FABULOUS! I adored her in “Let Me In”… The 1st time I fell in love with a monster!

  60. Kerina Pharr
    0

    this dress would be more appropriate if undead vampire Johnny Depp came back to life in the era of the Von Trapps

  61. hilary
    0

    All I have to do to feel reeeeeaaaaalllllyyyyy old (I am 30), is to flip through an Urban Outfitters catalog and realize that THIS is what the kids are wearing these days- things that I had my 3rd grade picture taken in. But maybe a bit frumpier the way I wore it..with hair-sprayed bangs.
    Anyway, if I wore this dress, I would look like one of those ladies who is still dressing the same way they did in whatever they consider their hey-day. Like the ladies who still wear Farrah Fawcett hair even though they are fat and wearing a Mickey Mouse t-shirt with sweatpants.
    That said, CM looks annoyingly cute…and as I said, I can’t even try to copy her, since I am an old woman.

  62. Ms.A
    0

    This girl is so damn pretty! It almost makes me want to forgive the dress. But not quite. She better wear something AMAZING soon.

  63. Autumn Kieft
    0

    Wow. I keep talking about the 1991 version whenever I hear about the new one, but nobody seems to know what I’m talking about. I actually have it on DVD. I loved it and was so sad when NBC cancelled it. Like ABC’s Homefront.

  64. Joey
    0

    1) There are armchairs in my house with a similar pattern to this dress. I like it on the chairs, I like it on the dress. She’s wearing it well.

    2) I too have fallen into the Wikipedia wormhole (as I often do) regarding “Dark Shadows” and the different versions. Man, if I was a teen/pre-teen in the days of the original, I would have run home so fast to claim the television to watch Dark Shadows. I’m hoping that this new movie is being made to look more stupid in the trailers than it actually is and that it’s much more Gothic and stylishly tragic in its execution.

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    0

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  66. Becky
    0

    She looks lovely– however it’s not just the sofa pattern that is making her try-to-look older than she is– it’s the floral arm floaties that do the trick. But maybe she misses Bugles too?

  67. Anna Maria Cárcamo
    0

    it would be cute if it were short..this length is way too old lady and unflattering on her.

  68. Wombat
    0

    Anyone notice that she is wearing the same shoes as Eva mendes in the previous post?

  69. Lily1214
    0

    I honestly think she wears it v.e.r.y. well. She’s a darling, isn’t she?

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