Fug Madness 2016, Round Two: Charo Bracket, Part One

Is Kim Kardashian on her way to the first ever Fug Madness repeat? She EASILY mowed down Bella Hadid in the first round with 95% of the vote (a shout-out to that brave 5%, though. I love you guys for holding strong), but she’s got to get through Irina Shayk today. For her part, Irina BARELY squeaked past Solange, with 55% of the vote, and may be tired from that battle. You know, figuratively. In our other game, two Fug Madness GIANTS go head to head, in the form of Chloe Sevigny vs Rihanna. Chloe bested Julianne Hough with 70% of that game’s votes, and Rihanna, as ever, made victory look easy against Chrissy Teigen. Again we battle!

---

Kim Kardashian vs. Irina Shayk · Rihanna vs. Chloe Sevigny

---

1. KIM KARDASHIAN vs. 8. IRINA SHAYK

Let’s start with Irina, whom I feel may be but a sacrificial lamb on Kim’s march toward…well, my guess is the Final Four. I don’t know if I think she’s going to repeat, but I DO think she might slide into the finals without too much agony. But that’s up to you, isn’t it?

Irina is one of those models whose face is different to me every time I see her. This isn’t terrible, but it IS kind of corny and it looks sort of cheap, when it surely WAS NOT:

She’s currently allegedly dating Bradley Cooper, but used to date Cristiano Ronaldo, which makes sense, because when I was looking at her I though, “she sort of dresses like a classic old school WAG to me.” Like, I could see this popping up on my late, lamented Footballers Wives:

Same here:

This would be what one of the aforementioned Wives would wear for a serious business meeting. (That show, by the way, was a work of genius and glory; One DELICIOUSLY SCHEMING HERO actually banged a dude to death. There was a character named Chardonnay, and when the actress’s salary-related bluff was called over the hiatus and she was fired, they killed her off in the next season premiere and had her husband do a dramatic reading of Robin Williams’s “Angels” at her funeral. A dude plunged to his death because he got whacked real hard with a champagne bottle. It was tremendous.)

THIS is full-on Tacky Ballgown Town:

And onward to Kimberly. She just makes me laugh, you guys. She sported this old favorite AGAIN this year. It might be her only re-wear. She LOVES this latex concoction:

This is a hilarious juxtaposition. A GLORIOUS coat — and say what you will about KK, her coat game is EXCELLENT and elegant — and then a demi-cup bra top:

Obviously, I wanted to remind you of this elegant and subtle display of the miracle of life:

She wore this to Kanye’s Yeezy Season Three show and IT IS A HOOT. I’m sure it’s not MEANT to be a hoot, but I find it hilariballs:

Also funny:

Nothing’s more amusing than popping up in something previously used to wrap the finest pears in Harry and David’s latest box:

Nor the decision to dress as a fence:

And, big finish:

GOOD TIMES.

It goes, I hope, without saying that Kim’s archives are REPLETE with other looks.

Irina, on the other hand, we’ve covered in full.

4. RIHANNA vs. 5. CHLOE SEVIGNY

Speaking of amusing, Rihanna rarely fails to crack me up. This is nutty but I also kind of love it?

Rihanna also brought us a series of snaps in which she is nonchalantly strolling around holding a drink. In this one, I think she’s just wearing stuff she found kicking around the corner of her dressing room. (RiRi totally has a dressing room, right? In my world, she does.)

I giggle every time I see this. It’s ridiculous and entertaining to me:

Bonus points for the marabou slippers, which show a sincere commitment to theme.

Also bonus points to her bodyguard for how much he loves that purple polo shirt:

So, yes. While Rihanna looked AMAZING at the Met Gala this year (you can see that look, and others, in her archives), she also spent A LOT of time over her period of eligibility basically wearing robes and pajamas out of the house:

This was AFTER the Met, and while I understand why she definitely could not go to a party wearing a gown with an enormous train, is THIS really the right second act?

This, also, is definitely nightgown inspired. She looks like she’s prepping to step into the role of Wendy Darling — which, honestly, I wish had happened when NBC did Peter Pan Live! This is also the portion of this post where I note that Rihanna  is SO PRETTY, HOLY COW:

Over to Chloe!

My deep dark secret is that I kind of loved this dress, BUT! I think I am alone on that, and it’s for real wacky:

This just feels phoned in. How on earth are these two going to the same bash?

Here’s Chloe’s Met Ball look, which is slooooooooooowly sliding off of her, presumably to go to another party where it won’t have to worry about running into Anna Wintour:

Here, I can only fall back on my old favorite expression of dismay: WORDS.

WORDS WORDS. MANY WORDS. SO MANY WORDS:

Rodarte, what have you done?

Please enjoy Rihanna’s archives here.

Chloe’s are right here!