Fug Madness 2015, Round Two: Charo Bracket, Part 1

Jump to: No. 4 Iggy Azalea vs. No. 12 Irina Shayk 

No. 1 RITA ORA vs. No. 8 CHRISTINA HENDRICKS 

Christina’s entire run revolves around this:

It turned her into a wrapped gift to Fug Madness fans. Even her hair seems to have conceded the point and given up on her.

But let’s not discount the impact of the yellow satin turban:

Or her lackluster white suiting:

Or this:

“When my stylist handed to me, the rage bolus in my throat was THIS BIG.”

Gretchen Mol is just happy Christina’s sleeves are giving people something other than her boots to discuss.

This MIGHT be Dior, but don’t quote me on it. And it would appear she has tried to match her shoes to her illusion netting. Which is more wretched? It might be a tie.

Rita Ora, meanwhile, owes a good deal of her candidacy to Donna Karan. Led overwhelmingly by this:

TO THE OSCARS. An after-party, but still. It wasn’t even the Elton John party! It was Vanity Fair! Though I suppose this outfit is the ultimate in a vanity fair, so… point taken, I guess?

Donna also outfitted her in a red crotch drape at the VMAs, her Little Bo Peep On Crack ensemble for the Met Gala, and some very confusing sheer logo wear, although it isn’t Donna’s fault that Rita paired it with those adidas shower shoes. (Not the first time she’s done that, either; actually, that entire slideshow is worth a look because WHAT.)

I assume this is ALSO Donna Karan, given that Rita wore it to a DKNY event:

She looks like a conspiracy theorist. Like how Michael McKeon in Better Call Saul always wears his foil blanket to protect him from cellular radiation.

Of course, PLENTY of other designers lent her some monstrosities. The horrors of this Cavalli STILL take my breath away. And she wore the Tommy Hilfiger pants that might have gotten us banned from that show (we wrote on The Cut how much we hated them, and have never been invited since then…). And of course there’s the Moschino mesh bike shorts.

And I’d TOTALLY forgotten about this Stephane Rolland:

Zoiks, as the Scooby kids say.

Well, there’s no need to stick your tongue out at me, Dress. It’s not MY fault you’re so weirdly constructed.

At least she’s probably comfortable?

… Ditto? I don’t even know.

For a good time, call her archive, and here is Christina’s if you need it.

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No. 4 IGGY AZALEA vs. No. 12 IRINA SHAYK 

It’s a shame Irina Shayk lacks any flair for drama.

Versace was a double offender on her at Cannes this past May:

I mean, that looks like something she cobbled together behind the backs of her bumbling kidnappers.

And of course, she went Visible Panties at the Roberto Cavalli yacht party. Sharon Stone is always at that party, and I suspect knowing she’ll pop up in something bananas inspires people to try and meet her on the battlefield.

If she wins this one, Irina faces off against Rita Ora, which is poetic given that they both made SUCH a wacktacularly naked showing at the Vanity Fair Oscar party:

We need more Fug Nation moles at these things, so we can find out exactly what it felt like to be at the bar and turn around and be like, “OH, wow, there is… everything.”

But Iggy Azalea will not sit by and let Irina coast to the next round on the strength of her naked bodysuit. Iggy will put up a fight.

Just as soon as she’s back from her luxury safari.

Those shoes had better have GoPro cameras built in, or else what is the point?

Iggy also wore some insane outerwear this year:

And looked so bored while doing it.

This is so Empire, which offers me the perfect transition into a dress that Cookie Lyon herself recently wore (although I think she cut off the white part of the hem, because Cookie doesn’t go below mid-thigh):

I DO find it amusing that Iggy, who has a song all about being fancy, wore this:

That’s basically a sports bra and a bowling shirt. Which is FINE if you are, in fact, on a Foxy Bowling team, and in fact if I found out that’s true of Iggy then I might find her hugely more interesting.

She, sadly, may never find anyone or anything interesting. Her facial expressions are so existentially LOST sometimes. Maybe that’s why she makes clothing decisions like this.

Or clings to all those braids, which she also wore to crackpot effect here:

And don’t forget the all-important Shin Windows. It IS thoughtful of her to let them see what’s happening. Maybe THEY have GoPro cameras attached now.

This jumpsuit had its own partial skirt, and… some kind of beige lacy lumbar support?  I can’t pretend to understand. I can only judge, with my voting finger. Here’s her archive, so you can bone up on her candidacy before deciding whether she makes it through.

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