Fug Madness 2014, Round Two: Cher Bracket, Top Half

As a refresher: The photos are merely a representative sample of the body of work; all outfits from the post-Oscars 2013 to post-Oscars 2014 period are eligible. Polls close after 24 hours; clear your cache and vote often, and if you like to research your choices — on our site, Getty Images, Google, whatever — have at it. If you missed Round One and need a primer on how all this works, peruse the FAQ. 

 Jump to Olivia Munn vs. Kristen Stewart(1) MILEY CYRUS vs. (8) JENNIFER MORRISON

Let’s lead off with Jennifer’s best pitch:

First, I keep mistakenly thinking those are see-through bellbottoms. Second, it doesn’t matter, because the whole thing is such a dumb look for a grown woman that it’s giving me Flames On The Side Of My Face syndrome. Third, she is wasting her head. Fourth, no. Fifth, we’re done here.

Miley, for her part, showed up at that event looking like the very glamorous foyer of an expensive building, and then showed up elsewhere dressed as a belt rack:

She CANNOT be able to sit down safely in that, right? And yet, weirdly, the most annoying part of this — besides the discordant shoes — is the fact that the shirt can’t even stay CENTERED. If you’re going to be all naked and fugly and stuff, at LEAST be well-made.

Jennifer here also opts against hemming her pants, or wearing attractive ones:

When Miley is not wearing pants that are half-sweats, she enjoys pants that are HALF LEGGING:

YES. HALF. They’re leggingtrouhose. LOOK AT THEM FROM BEHIND. We are in the middle of Fug Madness and I say this a lot, but I SINCERELY think it’s possible that this is the most hideous garment anyone has ever birthed from their demonic hell-nethers.

That is no picnic, either.

This WAS a picnic, for some hungry moths. In case you’re wondering what her nipples were wearing, it involved visible shields. Not as bad as the mesh shirt, underpants, and pasties outfit, but still worth a click, in part because it’s LESS likely to make your brain bleed than the other one is. It’s like Diet Horror.

Frumpariffic, and also, she is the Queen of the Topknot. No, seriously. That is, when she’s not wearing either a ratty braid or a fake-looking one.

Whereas Miley sometimes looks like she’s wearing a bad combover:

Well, and bad clothes. But we’re used to THAT by now. She also wore a tight skirt that looked like it was hemmed with teeth, twerked with a bear, and flashed  her tongue AND two hair knobs like a badge of honor. And other things:

Seriously, what keeps chewing on her clothes? Is it HER?

Terrible.

And TERRIBLER. Please do stop, Miley. Even your ass is begging you.

Archives: Miley, Jennifer

 

(12) OLIVIA MUNN vs. (13) KRISTEN STEWART

EVERY time I see this jumpsuit, I make an “elephantitis of the labia” joke either in my head or in print.

It is SO AWFUL. It is it a blood-red fortune cookie portending the end of the world. Her face and mine are one.

Using less lace, but still dumbly:

Her makeup was no picnic, either, and I just now noticed that the hem of this thing is confused. But few things are as pointless as the lace latitude up there.

Kristen’s sweater around the waist is giving it a run for its money in the pointless department, though:

That photo is a heinous, hilarious treasure.

This is just a neon eyesore. It’s too bright, and the cut too boring — it’s a Klum dress to me more than a Munn one. (Speaking of Klum, Olivia also lightly spilled out of a too-tight animal print thing, which… is really only loosely applicable to Heidi Klum, but I’m cruising on caffeine and sugar and fumes right now so I will MacGyver a transition however I can.)

Her relationship with Chanel will be the stuff of future polls about which is worse: that, or  J.Lawr and Dior.

Olivia’s torso is attending a masquerade, but I guess the rest of her wasn’t invited.

TEE and HEE. TAPERED LACE PANTS. Do you think she decided not to brush nor condition her hair BEFORE, or AFTER she got a look at what Zuhair Murad sent for her to wear to the show? It’s awful from the back, too:

She’s like, “Come find me later, you guys. I have words and also WORDS and there will be voodoo dolls involved.”

Can this compete? You get to decide. I can only sit back and watch and eat popcorn.

Archive: Olivia, Kristen

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