Fug Madness 2014, Round Two: Bjork Bracket, Bottom Half

 

As a refresher: The photos are merely a representative sample of the body of work; all outfits from the post-Oscars 2013 to post-Oscars 2014 period are eligible. Polls close after 24 hours; clear your cache and vote often, and if you like to research your choices — on our site, Getty Images, Google, whatever — have at it. If you missed Round One and need a primer on how all this works, peruse the FAQ.

(3) ZOE SALDANA vs. (11) VANESSA HUDGENS

This is a battle of two people I actually really like, and who both actually have a fair amount of personal style, even if we don’t always think said style is GOOD. One who often manages to pull off totally hideous stuff that would look insane on lesser women, and one who always at least seems charming and likeable in the hideous stuff she’s not quite pulling off.

Let’s kick off with Zoe. Who looks about as thrilled to be showing us her navel as I was to see it:

Her entire expression says, “I really wish I’d decided against this boob flap monstrosity.”

Vanessa, here, appears to be pretending that these pants are not even happening:

I wish we could all pretend THIS skirt didn’t happen:

In fact, while Zoe Saldana is a person who generally owns her fashion choices in a way that helps to sell them, she looks doubtful in a great deal of these. Cheer up, Z! You’re standing next to Chris Pratt, and he is the best, even if your jumpsuit is not:

Here, her tight smile seems to say, “I know, you guys. I know. There’s ruffle exploding from my mid-section. I lost a bet.”

The next two looks, however, she’s REALLY selling, and it’s proof of how wretched they are that even her lovely smiling face can not distract from the fact that they’re both heinous disasters. I mean, WHAT:

And also NO:

It’s possible that Prabal is trying to bring her down from the inside. Those are both Project Runway challenges gone awry, and like Sir Tim Gunn, I AM CONCERNED. And of course, as always, there is more to peruse in her archives, if your concerns are not considered especially pressing just yet.

On to her competitor. Oh, Vanessa. You never met a wallpaper you didn’t wear as a skirt or a dress. For example:

And Exhibit B:

That’s backwards, right? I’m pretty sure that’s backwards.

Additionally, like much of the celebs in this year’s Fug Madness,  V. Hudg loves a sheer. She loves it. She adores it. She embraces it. To wit:

To Wit Part II: Revenge of To Wit:

And then, of course, there is this. Whatever this is:

She’s amazing.  Her archives also await thee, if you didn’t examine them back in round one. I mean, I haven’t even mentioned her salute to Britney or  her scalloped diapers. You HAVE to take Scalloped Coachella Diapers into account when you vote. And speaking of:

(2) RITA ORA vs. (7) ASHANTI

This match-up feels SO RIGHT. It has, as Stefon would put it, EVERYTHING.

Crazy pants, first on Ashanti:

And then on Rita — although, in fairness, her pants are the least of what’s happening in this crazy get-up:

Bizarre flaps of fabric! Here, seen at Rita’s neck on this Cher Horowitz Meets George Washington look — a mash-up for which I am sure we were all panting:

And then seen apparently tying Ashanti’s dress to her body. Can we all take a moment to applaud the woman working this event and giving her such amazing side-eye there in the background, by the way? A) We have all made that expression when confronted with Ashanti, and (b) her flats are GOLD and fabulous. PR Woman, whoever you are, I am pretty sure you are one of us:

Both ladies don’t shy from sporting a questionable cocktail-length frock on the red carpet, either. Rita’s here looks like a sartorial salute to chickens:

That’s an inside-out down comforter, right?

And then there’s THIS unfortunateness:

I bet if Snazzy Blazer behind her took off his sunglasses, we’d see that his eyes were calling out for help in explaining the complexities of that gown.

And then the similarities end, although I’d wager that Ashanti WOULD have worn just fringe if she’d thought of it:

And I’m pretty sure Rita Ora would have worn this dress, had she woken up to find it in her closet:

And god knows we’ve all gone out in sweats. Although…probably not exactly like this:

As always, more perplexing confusion awaits you in their respective archives. Rita’s Year That Was can be found here; we invite you to fall down an Ashanti wormhole right here. And then come back and vote: