Fug Madness 2014: Play-In Game #1

We’ve done a nudity-off before, in the form of Nipples vs Nethers last season (Adrienne Bailon vs. Melody Thornton). But this year, there were so very many elaborately naked people that we decided to make them all fight it out together, ripping off whatever little fabric is left. ALL WILL ENTER. ONE WILL LEAVE. Welcome to the Fuggerdome, ladies.

The “winner” faces off against a lady no stranger to fame grabs: top seed Kim Kardashian. If you need it, here’s your printable bracket, and here is your FAQ.

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Comments (104):

  1. The Rizz

    This is tough.

    I think I have to go with Hervey. Not only is she nude, she’s an oompa loompa color.

    • Kate

      I went with Hervey simply because I couldn’t believe she wasn’t already in it! She has a fine oeuvre of fug. Other than Vagina Napkin, I think it’s best to have a bit of a spread of competitive entries.

    • Expatty

      Totally agree with Lady V (that sounds like a disease or club drug) for the hideous sheer color. Did she steal the remnants of the Russian skater gloves or what? At least try to match the skin tone.

      • Expatty

        I mean Lady H, same dif!

        • Hanna

          Lady V doesn’t come for free

        • platinum

          You were right first time. Since she’s not a peeress in her own right but takes her rank from her father’s titles, she’s known as either Lady Victoria, or Lady Victoria Hervey, but never Lady Hervey.

  2. Blair Sylvester

    I went with Mel B because slutty and dowdy is worse than pure slutty in my book. Its like pick a side

    • andrea

      I know, right? The others were tasteless, but Mel B’s dress is just ugly.

    •  Dani

      AGREED. Plus those thigh panels are horrendous, mostly due to terrible illusion netting. It’s like it’s aiming for a skin color but not quite there. I find the black sheer less tacky than bad illusion netting.

  3. RebekahMacd

    I just… How do you choose between those? I suspect this frown is now permanently etched between my brows.

    • RebekahMacd

      OK. I went with the Hilton. Alexander at least has long sleeves, Krupa has pretty hair, Mel B’s pubic area is fully covered (I think). It was the scary pubic bit that made me choose Hilton over Hervey, but it was a tough decision.

      • Mrs. Helpful

        I know it! And while I really want to see Paris go up against Kim K, I hate to give her any more attention.
        But wow. Those are some “dresses.”

        •  Looly

          And that’s exactly why I DIDN’T vote for Hilton. The less attention she receives, the better.

      • Stephanie

        I voted for Hilton for all those reasons plus that Fug hair-do!

        • Annie S.

          Me too! At least some of these are…styled better? Jaime Alexander is so beautiful, and if her dress hadn’t been mauled by dogs we wouldn’t be including her in this conversation.

        • Kim

          What IS that–80s bangs, or a 40s pompadour-roll thing?

      •  SillyAnn

        RE: Paris Hilton, I actually said out loud, to no one, “Ewww, what am I seeing????”

  4. Susan

    What bothers me most about Lady V is that she reminds me of Anna Camp (who I love). Something about the face/hair.

    I voted Krupa. At least the others are a shade of black/grey; she’s not even covert about trying to show it off!

    • Squirrel!

      My thoughts re: Krupa as well. She is trailing everyone else right now, though.

  5.  Jo

    Joanna cause she looks the most smug of them all. Sfug. Smfug. Whichever.

  6. Julia

    This is the hardest decision I’ve made in a while, which is saying something (though I’m not exactly sure what).

    •  SillyAnn

      This play-in game was a good reminder of how hard this tournament is. On the judges. We deserve praise and cookies.

  7. Jenz

    I went with Joanna. This isn’t the first time she’s gone nude or nearly nude and she needs to put it away. She always has this smug expression on her fake face and I really detest reality shows that glorify vapid idiots.

    • Jenz

      I will caveat this because it puts Paris in that category and I didn’t vote for her because I don’t want to make her relevant again.

    • Tiffany

      I went with Joanna too, because I remember seeing her in quite a few really awful looks. She goes to far all of the time.

  8.  Ashley

    I had to go with Hervey for acreage of nudity + fugliness of dress + fugliness of styling in general. Mel B only escaped because she’s smiling and her hair looks pretty.

    •  Constant Reader

      It was a tough decision, but I voted the same way using pretty much the same criteria. I never thought I’d find a situation in which that fungus dress Mel B is wore doesn’t look all that bad, but this turns out to be that situation.

  9. LoriK

    There are all so incredibly hideous, I can’t even. How are we supposed to choose between Jaimie who showed us all of her waxer’s handiwork and Paris, who appears to be showing us that she no longer has a waxer. Plus she has that idiotic hair. How are we supposed to choose between Mel B, whose dress looks like a disease and “Lady” Hervey, who looks like she’d give you a disease? I may need to go lie down for a while.

  10. camille

    Jamie Alexander was the front-runner for me since the dress is just so AWKWARD with its “modesty” sections… and then I looked at Paris and was moved to cry out “WHY DO I KNOW ABOUT YOUR CROTCH WHY”

  11. Liz

    I went with Alexander – only because her boyfriend’s teenage daughter was there.

    •  Looly

      That’s why I voted for her, too.

    •  HelenBackAgain

      I went with Alexander due to the somewhat surprising image-search result that hers actually revealed the most nether region of any of them.

      •  Ashley

        I am in awe of your bravery. If there are any images that reveal MORE than what’s showing here, I don’t want to know about them.

        •  HelenBackAgain

          LOL (and I really did laugh), well, I remembered being linked by fellow posters here to shots of Alexander’s full frontal. So I figured it wasn’t fair if I didn’t compare.

          Hers is the only one that actually showed the whole business, front and back both, when she took a step. They’re all terrible, but I went with “most naked” as the first criterion, so for me that makes Jaime’s the worst.

          • Maria L.

            This was SO hard. I had to finally go with Alexander also because fair, or not, I blame her for all the hideous, nude one-upmanship that followed.

  12.  crookedE

    These are all fug as all get out. In the end I went with Paris simply because she gave us more of an oevre to work with this year.

    •  Ashley

      Possibly the first time her name and “oevre” have ever appeared in the same sentence?

  13. QB

    I went with Alexander because she’s an actress, with substantial roles in successful movies, and shouldn’t need to step into Attention Whore mode when stepping out to promote them. The others I don’t want to vote for because I don’t want to give them any more attention than they so desperately crave. :P

  14. Alex

    I chose Mel B simply because of some of her other fug choices this year. Most of the others haven’t really made GFY, except maybe Paris Hilton?

    • Ranee Singleton

      I chose Mel B too, but mainly because her dress was just the fugliest of them all to me.

    • KHS

      I went with Mel B for both reasons. One, her dress was terrible. But two, she’s made several terrible choices this past year and should be in the competition. I can’t think of what everyone else has done this year.

  15.  HelenBackAgain

    This was HARD.

    I almost went with Hervey, as “most naked.” But I haven’t forgotten the shots of Alexander’s dress revealing her mons pubis (here’s one: http://bmmoejackson2.files.wordpress.com/2013/11/jaimie-alexander-see-thru-dress-at-thor-the-dark-world-premiere-in-los-angeles-2.jpg?w=419), so I looked up other photos of Hervey, and her version of the dress, astonishingly, apparently did not do that. I couldn’t find that Krupa’s did, either, and Hilton’s, surprisingly, showed less than Alexander’s.

    Finally, then, I voted Jaime Alexander, because not only was she first, but she WAS showing her nethers, though you don’t see that in the specific photos used here.

    If I’d wanted to go with “ugliest,” instead of “most naked,” it’d be Mel B, easily. I decided on “most naked” as my primary criterion first.

    • HelenBackAgain

      Sorry for the redundancies, all, I thought this wasn’t going to post – it disappeared completely on submission, without saying it was awaiting moderation, so I figured it got rejected due to the link (that’s happened before, and they did not print later, as this one did). Oh – and the link is NSFW!

    •  Julie

      Oh my god. I was finding it really difficult to choose but that link just did it!

  16. Alicia

    I’m slightly surprised Hervey wasn’t seeded. Her fug is reliable.

  17. Genny

    So SOOO Hard.
    Mel B – because of that ridiculous drop skirt on the THING she is wearing.
    Paris a close 2nd because of the Fug and the hair

    • Annie E

      I picked Mel B because at least her fug is original, while the others are all wearing different versions of the same dress.

  18. Tara

    This was extremely difficult. As awful as they all were, I went with Mel B. just because, in addition to the nudity, the dress was just so horribly ugly.

    • Bambi Anne Dear

      I went totally the other way- the other four were so horribly nude it made Mel’s look half-way decent.

  19. Chappy 05

    Wow, that was difficult! I went with Paris because of her ridiculous hairdo and pose.

  20. jen

    what truly bothers me is that none of this is attractive. You don’t see the person wearing what I guess could be theoretically called a dress, you just see the “dress.”

    If you’re going to wear strategically placed spangles and curtain sheers, please at least make us remember what your faces looks like after we close the page in horror.

  21. Christine Christine

    This is so difficult! I am going to keep my browser window open and review after my next cup of coffee. The worst thing you can do in Fug Madness is make a hasty decision, y’all.

  22. Em

    Mel B, yes she is more covered up, but that dress is beyond hideous.

  23.  PMG

    Victoria who? That’s why she doesn’t get my vote. Jaimie, Joanna and Paris are tied but I give the edge to Paris because she shouldn’t need a play-in spot to be in the tourney…her history is enough to grandfather her in every year (yes, I know the rules but she should be an exception).

    • Chris P 

      Lady Victoria Hervey, aspiring model (or actual model idk) and not to be confused with that OTHER six-letter word that starts in “her.”

  24.  Laucie

    Doesn’t the horrific, tasteless fuggery of any and all of these candidates guarantee the elimination of Kim K., and what does that bode for future rounds? Very problematic.

  25. jerkygirl

    Ugh, Jaime Alexander and Mel B look positively DEMURE compared to the other 3. . .in the end, I think “Lady” Victoria Hervey just edged the other 2 out, but only just, so I voted for her. But I do want to say: PARIS YOUR CROTCH IS NOT AN ACCESSORY. THERE IS NO “NAC” CATEGORY. PUT IT AWAY FOR THE LOVE OF HUMANITY.

  26. Kristan

    This. Is. Impossible.

    Fugpossible, if you will.

  27.  Stacey

    I thought about going Jamie, just for starting this nightmare. But I went Joanna, because she didn’t even bother to put her own spin on it. She’s just wearing Jamie’s hand me down.

  28.  Katie

    I went with Mel B simply because I didn’t want to see any of the others ever again. There’s fun fugly and then there’s “please don’t violate my eyes”.

  29. k

    I don’t find any of these dresses attractive in the slightest, but the tone of this post is EXTREMELY slut-shamey. It sounds like you are more horrified by the nudity than the actual clothes. These are grown women who are CHOOSING to wear these outfits–they’re not minors pushing the envelope of legality, nor are they on a tv/movie set where a costumer is giving them revealing clothes to objectify them for a male audience. are these dresses ugly? I think so. tacky? maybe. but penalizing and judging grown women for showing skin in public (no matter how little or how much skin we’re talking about) is so sexist and backwards that it’s positively primeval. I expect better from this website, and I’m very disappointed.

    •  Stephanie

      I AM horrified by the nudity! It is inappropriate and fugly in this context. They are at events and that event is not a waxing appointment. If a man showed up in a mesh shirt and chaps showing his ass, It would be fugly too.

      • Kate

        Bingo. The opposite of “prudish” is not “naked”, and “sex positive” does not have to translate into “looking ready for sex RIGHT NOW, possibly on a table, at a formal event”. To dig into this deeper, why aren’t we asking why all this sex-poz and anti-slut-shaming is only resulting in WOMEN displaying themselves in all of their ready-to-mate plumage in public on all occasions? It’s worth it to consider the entire atmosphere of enculturation in which we operate, and which is (IMHO) resulting in our “freedom of individual choice!!!11!” still being shaped by women’s long oppression as an objectified and subject class.

    • Heather

      NOWHERE in this post is there anything using the word “slut.” Or discuss the sexual proclivities of any of the women. To leap to “slut-shaming” is totally off-base.

      The entire point of this site is to call into question what people choose to wear for a public event, and whether it’s great, hideous, appropriate, inappropriate, etc. THIS post in PARTICULAR is a play-in game for our Fug Madness contest, to decide which DRESS — ie, outfit, not skin — is the fugliest, and worthy of contention in our annual bracketology to determine the worst-dressed celeb of the year. We couldn’t decide which of these very similarly hideous outfits was worse, so we are letting people decide which one makes it into the competition. Thus, we are asking people to vote on the worst outfit. On the OUTFIT. Not on the person. It has nothing to do with the women themselves, except in the sense that yes, I do think the decision on Jaimie Alexander’s part to show that much of her naked body at an event she went to with her boyfriend’s DAUGHTER is questionable. Does that make her a slut? No, and I NEVER said so. It just means she has strange taste.

      You ask if we are horrified by nudity. In life, the answer is no. In public? Yes, I think there is a point at which it’s totally inappropriate to be explicitly nude. Do I think it’s strange to attend formal events in HIDEOUS dresses, which also happen to be so minimally designed as to make your naked body part of the outfit? Yes. I completely stand by that. And it would be dumb coming from a guy, too. It has nothing to do with gender.

      • Grace

        I have been reading this website since I was 13 (and now I am 20, gee how the time flies!) and I would like to say that it is comments such as these that have kept me coming back over the years. Go Heather!

    • Ollie

      I agree with you! It sounds like many of these comments are made by the kind of women who get undressed in the dark because they’re ashamed of their womanly “dirtiness”–it’s amazing to me in this 21st C.

      • Kate

        I get undressed in full light with extra lamps for artists for money, among other places, but you know, to each their own.

  30. Chris P

    Really, it’s about the body of work (or, in these ladies’ cases, how much of their bodies I’ve seen over the past year). So, since the Showgirls lampshade was the only naked dress I can remember Jamie Alexander wearing this past year, she doesn’t really count. Ditto for Mel B, even though HER naked dress was in a shade of consumption.

    Paris looks like the dirty version of Kesha nowadays, but she probably WANTS to win this (I presume she’s currently in second place because she’s on her iPad voting for herself repeatedly). So she should go back to obscurity again (and stay there this time).

    So, really, it’s STILL – for me – a deathmatch of Krupa v. Hervey, both of whom have collectively worn less fabric over the past year than I’m wearing right now. And really, I have to give the edge to Lady V.

    1) Joanna Krupa is a Housewife. We expect her to be trashy. (And yes, the Brits expect that their nobility is also trashy, but we Yanks expect better.)
    2) Joanna Krupa is also closer to a natural skintone – that is, NOT VALENTINO ORANGE.
    3) Most importantly, Joanna Krupa does not have a peerage and is thus not indirectly embarrassing about 50 different countries simultaneously.

    I mean, seriously, this is ridiculous. From the red tops, you’d think that Liz is monitoring Kate’s hemlines down to the millimeter. You mean to tell me that she can’t tell THIS clown to put some clothes on for once? (And yes, I know, Lady V is not actually a royal. I don’t care.)

  31. jen310

    This was difficult but I went with Jaime Alexander because no teenager should have to be exposed to her dad’s girlfriend’s chocha – EVER. Ewwww. I even saw said chocha (when that dress shifted) on another site and NO. JUST NO.

    Really though, every competitor here is a special kind of fug winner in her own way.
    Ladies, I salute your commitment to skankitude. Well done.

  32. nobody much

    so hard. I was counting on being able to vote down nakeds in all brackets. I went with Paris because she does this ALL the time. ‘oh, you can see my pubes? silly me.’ all the time.
    But it was hard, because they all should be seeded.

  33. Caitlin

    Can I vote for Rosario Dawson in Play in Game #2?? She’s not around as much but has a serious fashion mental block.

  34. @Biting Panda

    If the whole tourney is this difficult, I’m in for a hard Madness.

    It took several viewings, to finally make the call. Mel B’s dress was the ugliest and the hair and makeup weren’t helping, but end the end, I had to go with Victoria. Oompa Loompa is never forgivable.

    •  Mair Mair

      Too hard, and this is only the FIRST ROUND! Headed back to peruse more pervy pictures.

  35. Roz

    Oh this was hard! I absolutely hated pulling the lever, but I was forced to go with Paris and her pubes. As much as I loathed it, she out-fugs Mel B.

  36.  xene

    Egads, they are really all so horrific, it’s hard to pick a winner….er, loser.

  37. C. Mak

    Ah, the sweet agony of FUG Madness decision-making … Paris was absolutely the fuggiest in this group of A-List Fuggers … although I, too, don’t like giving her any kind of recognition.

  38. aemom

    I chose based on who had the largest chance of flashing her hoo-ha which was Lady V.
    And since her clothing is always in a perpetual state of fug, I think she is well worthy to win this. But not much else.

  39. The Reset

    Wow!! Right out of the gate and Fug Madness this year is already hard! Five levels of awful.

  40. Miss Dove

    I get why Hervey is winning so far – she has the most exposed flesh. But here’s why I voted for P.
    The black illusion fabric adds shadows and contours that make the nudity appear worse than it hopefully actually is. Because that’s what you want from this look.
    This “gown” has combined good china-baring sluttiness with the practicality and modesty of a turtleneck. That is some AP-level fug right there.

  41. cath

    Gah! It’s so hard to pick just one.

    Mel B’s is the ugliest in terms of design, but it’s not the most terrifyingly naked. That title probably goes to either P. Hilton, whose dress might be is x-rated if viewed from the wrong angle, or Lady V (and yes, I saw what you did there), who just looks to be wearing bodyhose from the side. But Jaime Alexander should get special recognition for doing it first, as should Joana Krupa for the way hers looks like the cheapest of knockoffs of Jaime’s.

    Ultimately, I’m going with Paris, just because hers seems to have the highest threat level But I realize that might just be the angle; all of these dresses should probably come with a “spoiler alert.”

  42. LipstickLibrarian

    I had to go with Paris ’cause she looks the most proud of her dress. Which, no.

  43. Allie

    This was hard. Each dress was worse than the one before it!

  44. Gracie

    Jaime Alexander is showing cleave, belly button, AND butt cheek. How is she losing so badly?

  45. gryt

    What’s wrong with these people?

  46. Wade's Shirt

    All of the contenders deserve a vote. They’re all horrifyingly effective adverts for Lysol disinfectant wipes and blinders. That said, I have to give my vote to Jaime Alexander for two reasons -she wore this first and could be blamed for the “trend” and she chose to wear it in front of her boyfriend’s teenage daughter! Lots of “bonus” points.

  47.  cath

    I’m hoping that the past few years’ rabid over-use of illusion netting will turn what must clearly have been a worldwide glut of the stuff on the market into a worldwide shortage, and designers will have to go back to using “real” fabric for a while.

    I love fabric. I miss fabric.

  48.  Beatrix

    All impossibly hideous and embarrassing. I nearly went with Alexander but I think I was considering the odd context, so I voted for the Housewife because it looks to be the cheapest garment I have ever seen. I have literally seen nothing more cheap looking than the mesh used in that dress.

  49.  kickassmomnyc

    For me, it came down to Paris Hilton’s vagina and Jaimie Alexander’s ass + teenage guest.

    Jaime Alexander’s saggy ass + teenage guess wins!

  50. Eurydice

    It took a while, but I decided on Lady V. She has the extra nudity, but also the ill-fitting wrinkliness at the hem, like Mel. She has the bad hair, like Paris, but with added greasiness. And her skin has the color and shine of processed cheese.

  51. Lori

    I had to go with “Lady” Victoria because I really think she deserves to be in here. She is a big fan of the fug, so there’s a lot to work with.

  52. agcons

    For me it was between Mel B and Hervey; a tough choice. I had to go with Hervey because Mel B’s dress is merely ugly. Hervey’s dress looks like she fell halfway onto a freshly tarred road during a dust storm after getting undressed.

    Did anyone view last year’s play-in linked above, between Baillon and Thornton? I hadn’t forgotten about the VagNapkin dress, and seeing it again I found it just as ugly, but also boring. I had forgotten about Thornton’s nude lace THING in slide #2, though, and seeing it again filled me with the same shock and horror I felt last year. How refreshing.

  53. Sajorina

    I had to vote for Mel B because it’s soooo BAD, I can’t stand to look at it!

  54.  Ashley

    Correct me if I’m wrong, but don’t all these women have what is considered nearly ‘perfect’ bodies? That makes having to dress like your desperate for attention very, very strange to my mind. But here is photographic proof.

    Voted the oompa loompa because of gross nekkidness, droopy fit and that color.