Fug Madness 2013, Round One: Bjork Bracket, part II


As a refresher: The photos and links in each matchup are NOT the only outfits eligible; rather, they’re a representative sample of the body of work. Polls close after 24 hours, so if you like to research your choices — on our site, Getty Images, Google, whatever — have at it and just make sure you vote before the game ends. Enjoy.

1) JUSTIN BIEBER  vs. (16) CHRISTINA RICCI

Well, this one seems like a slam dunk for the Bieb. BUT IS IT?

I mean, you can’t argue that this is a hot mess:

Your dress should not have a mouth. On the other hand, another good rule of thumb is that you SHOULD NOT WEAR OVERALLS TO MEET THE PRIME MINISTER:

I am tempted to just leave THAT with you as the only proof that Bieber has truly earned his one seed, but that would deprive you of the following MADNESS:

Um. Those pants. What is happening there? Why is this a THING? Who even decided to MAKE THOSE? And…just WHY WHY WHY would this happen? WHY, you guys?

This whole thing is giving me an existential crisis:

This is person, I must remind you, who decided to hire A SWAGGER COACH. LIKE THAT IS NOW A THING. Can you imagine what those training sessions must be like? “This outfit has insufficient swagger. How about a leather bandanna fashioned to resemble a trompe d’oeil mock turtleneck?”

“THERE WE GO. THAT’S THE SWAGGER WE’VE BEEN MISSING.”

And since the leather turtleneck worked out so well, why not a whole leather suit? YOU CAN JUST WIPE IT DOWN! IT WORKED FOR MICHAEL JACKSON! Michael Jackson, so renowned for smart life choices!

Are those jodhpurs? I am not amused.

And while I would argue that this is also unamusing, I am INTERESTED to hear all about the time machine required to purchase it:

(I actually think the Time Machine is called The Marc Jacobs Store, but that’s another conversation for another time.) On the other hand, I did find THIS totally whimsical and entertaining, if, you know, super cracked out and somewhat ridic:

I have seen smaller bows tied to cars in Lexus commercials.

Archives: Justin Bieber, Christina Ricci

(4) LADY GAGA vs. (13) MAMIE GUMMER

When we were doing the seedings for Fug Madness, we almost left Lady Gaga out of the party. “She didn’t really leave the house this year,” we said. “Maybe we should just check and make sure,” we finally noted. “OMG SHE CAME OUT OF THE VAGINA THIS YEAR.”

I can’t believe we almost left her out of this. In our defense, we clearly needed to block that out of our minds. The following — in which she seems to be in disguise as an aristocratic French mountain goat — is almost refreshing:

And, sure, those are “performance” outfits and therefore (perhaps not surprisingly) crazy. But with Gaga, even going to dinner is a performance. Behold:

I like how the doorman there is BARELY suppressing his eye roll. Also performance worthy? A trip to the airport:

Slow your roll, sister. If you want photographers to leave you alone MAYBE PUT ON YOUR PANTS. Mamie can loan you some!

Maybe…not these:

I also don’t particularly want to borrow this:

Yikes, or this:

What did we say about not allowing your clothes to have a mouth? Why does no one listen? And why hasn’t Lady Gaga thought of THAT ONE yet? Please don’t tell her. I am barely surviving the whole vagina thing.

Archives: Lady Gaga, Mamie Gummer

(5) MILEY CYRUS vs. (12) EMMA WATSON

Two teen stars who famously cropped their locks enter, ONE TEEN STAR LEAVES. Let’s start off with Miley, who spent all year Just Being Miley:

Just Bein’ Miley 2012 appears to involve A LOT of stripes and black and white, like a low key Tim Burton costume party:

It also involves a LOT of abs:

Both when out buying vegan gluten-free cupcakes on motorcycles AND when attending actual work events:

In fairness, if I had those abs, I’d be wearing a lot of crop tops myself. But maybe give us a chance to miss them, okay?

The erstwhile Hermione brought no abs, but she did bring an awkwardly proportioned dress over pants:

And sideboob encased in what I think was some kind of art project sponsored by the Cotton Industry (the fabric of our lives and whatnot):

And actual nip-slip, in this outfit:

Technically, it was a “nipple shield” slip, as she was wearing those nipple sticker things, and I’m not going to show you the picture because I feel like the power of your imagination ought to be enough, and, frankly, I think that nightgown is bad enough without boobs, and also, do we need to see Hermione Granger with stickers over her nipples? THE ANSWER TO THAT IS NO, YOU PERVS.

Archives: Miley Cyrus, Emma Watson

(8) JULIANNE MOORE vs. (9) HAILEE STEINFELD

I like to think of this one as a battle of two very classy talented ladies, separated by about thirty years of life. I can visualize each of these women wearing the other woman’s wardrobe and I’m not sure what that says about either one of them, actually. At least neither of them is ever TACKY. Let’s just hold onto that fact like grim death. Can’t you totally imagine Julianne wearing this?

And can’t you see Hailee in this?

I WISH Julianne would pop up somewhere dressed like Blair Waldorf:

Although I really have no desire to see Hailee — or anyone — sporting the likes of this:

Julianne would totally wear this (which I think is really cute until it hits about her calves. A classic scrolldown — which is a favorite of La Moore’s, actually. Have we ever seen them in the same room together? Is Hailee a clone of Julianne sent to us from the future? Will she be playing twins on a soap opera any time soon?):

And I pray to Swinton that NO ONE — not Julianne, not Hailee, not Bieber, not you — WEARS THIS AGAIN EVER. LIKE, EVER:

Because NO.

Archives: Hailee Steinfeld, Julianne Moore

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Comments (51):

  1. Dana
    0

    I’m calling it right now: I see Bieber winning the whole damned thing.

    • Kalli McQueen
      0

      I’ve got Bieber taking it all on my bracket. My brain just CANNOT process what he wears.

      http://kompsi.wordpress.com

      • Billie
        0

        I also have Bieber taking the whole thing. Although it was VERY difficult to choose between him and Kim K. She is older, and should be wiser.

        • Tiffany
          0

          Biebi is the Fug Champion on my bracket too!

        • natalie
          0

          Yes, but he is the age of most of One Direction and they dress very well.

          Also, I agree. Biebs takes the entire thing; lets make this happen.

  2. deee
    0

    The Blahblah finger picture had one of my favorite GFY comments of all time. It came from Leah and I looked it up so I could quote it.

    “My mother always taught me to pick my panties out of my labia before being photographed giving the double finger.

  3. N
    0

    Christina has nothing on Biebs this year and for that, she should be thankful

  4. laura
    0

    I agree! I think this year we’ll have our first dude win! Justin Beiber, champion of gender equality, who knew?

  5. elaine
    0

    Fingers crossed that Hailee is just a Swinton of the Future. Meanwhile, Miley is a deep fried corn pone disaster. Unrelated to her odd sartorial sense, it saddens me that due to Miley, we as a nation have to re-confront the concept of Billy Ray Cyrus.

    • MG
      0

      Even Billy Ray laughs at Billy Ray. If we had it in his day, he’d be fug-worthy too. At least he can sing.

  6. Chris P
    0

    …Bieber’s ahead FOR NOW. But wait until the Beliebers show, I tell you.

  7. A.J.
    0

    I’m sorry, but I still don’t see why anyone finds Bieber attractive. And yes, I know I am not his target market, but I have 3 daughters of the appropriate age – and they all hate him. And One Direction.

  8. Frances
    0

    This is where who is matched with who really comes into play. I feel like Mamie could go far if she was match up with anyone other than Gaga (or Beiber, cause I agree he could take it all home this year). Like she’s way more fug than Hailee or Julianne or even Miley. I actually think Miley often looked pretty great this year (love her hair and she’s been consistently clean, which counts for a lot in my books)… It’s truly the most wonderful time of the year around here. :)

    • Carolina Girl
      0

      It’s a sad commentary on the state of the world when cleanliness, which should be a baseline, actually becomes a mark of excellence.
      Bieber’s gonna win it all. His fug reigns supreme and they haven’t even gotten around to the time(s) he wore his pants under his butt or those stupid spikey loafers.

      • Edith
        0

        Agree Mamie was sadly (but fairly, and randomly) matched against too-strong a first round opponent. And I’m with you re: Miley, too – compared to the mom-jeaned, ripped-short-shorted, bedraggled fug of yesteryear, she looked mostly awesome in the past 12 months. The haircut, and the mindset behind it, put her in a totally different league from past years.

  9. Rayna
    0

    Biebs, because LAVENDER LEOPARD HAMMER PANTS.

    And Miley because Susan Powter called and she wants her hair back.

    • Theda
      0

      Lame; you need to google Powter so you’ll see these coiffures are not that similar at all.

  10. jen310
    0

    Beiber wins because he claims he is a “swaggy adult” but he’s wearing toddler pants and I feel we are all just waiting for his diaper to get full before he needs changing. Fashion fail, Fug success.

    Why have I seen so much labia during Fug Madness 2013? No, really? WHY. WHY, GOD, WHY. I believe Gaga is at some transportation hub with her crotch cleavage out for all to see. IS NOTHING SACRED ANYMORE!
    Gaga FTW.

    Miley needs to wrap up her rebellion period or find better clothes. Emma tries and fails at times but looks a hellava lot better than Miley and her teenage crisis fug.

    Julianne is old enough to know better and yet she refuses to try. Julianne FTW.

  11. Alicia
    0

    Bieber is clearly the fuggest of them all BUT if I vote for him it means more pictures of him and I am not sure I can deal with it.

    • michelle
      0

      That was my thought too- I’d vote for him in a minute if it meant I NEVER HAD TO SEE HIM AGAIN!

  12. Amalia
    0

    I’m with you Dana, and I called it last week – first ever male victor! Long may he reign.
    In the meantime, this bracket crystallized for me my voting pattern – always the older fug over the younger (old enough to know better, in theory, and I give the whippersnappers a pass on account of I wore some terrible things when I was young too… but NOT NOW), and always the non-pop-star over the sad, sad pop stars. I guess that is based on some deeply held belief that pop stars are … um… let’s say, focused on their performances and not their book smarts, so I give them a pass too. Also, many of them are deeply unlikeable. Lookin’ at you, Miss Vag.

  13. Lynne
    0

    I feel ashamed but I honestly voted for Mamie Gummer because I just can’t deal with having to look at more annoying pictures of Gaga.

  14. Kit
    0

    Bieber had my vote before I even saw the slide show based on diaper pants alone. I totally forgot about him visting Prime Minister Harper in overalls.

    Lady Gaga and whomever that other person was, were an unfair comparison. I mean usually I wouldn’t vote for Gaga because she’s more a persona than a person; but I had to ‘cuz it was so unfair to compare the two.

    Julianna and Hailey were really too close to call, but I gave it to Julianna on the grounds that she’s old enough to know better! :)

  15. tigers4us
    0

    When Ricci and Watson make mistakes, they’re more interesting than hideous. The Steinfeld and Moore round was a difficult choice, but Julianne is more consistent with poor choices, and really, SHE SHOULD KNOW BETTER! Dare I make a prediction that the finals will include LadyG & Bieber?

  16. Sarah
    0

    This has clearly been a very long week for me because I didn’t find any of the Miley Cyrus outfits all that bad. On another note, I don’t see how anyone takes down Bieber this year. Is that really what the kids these days like?

  17. The Other Molly
    0

    Beiber has been posing for Fug Madness all year.
    I think he is secretly jealous that he has not been a contender in past competitions.
    If he doesn’t win this year, there is something terribly, terribly wrong with the Fug voting population.
    No one, NO ONE, in the running this year can outfug him.
    Even Cyrus, who takes fug to a whole new level.
    (What happened to the thread width here?)

  18. Michelle
    0

    Hailee is still young and precocious and into “experimentation” and “trying to figure out who she is, artistically.”

    Julianna is a grown-ass woman. She should know better.

    • MG
      0

      And you said it best!

    • Goldfish
      0

      Julianna never considers her skin tone. EVER! I’m a pasty white Irish girl, too, and so I know how vital this is. Her stylist should know.

  19. pantsonfire
    0

    Heh, I kind of like Ricci dress 1. Or at least, it could have been super awesome with some minor tweaks. And even so, I would deeply consider wearing it as is. I’m strongly tempted by the ab mouth (I have a weakness!) and the lovely colors, but the skirt isn’t cut quite right and the fabric looks a teensy bit cheap with the sheen. In contrast, looking at Bieber’s parade of horribles is kind of enraging. God, that kid. He’s the worst. He really is. The worst.

    I’ve been a critic of Watson’s sartorial choices, but she stands no chance against Miley. I think what has bugged me about Watson is that she has potential to be really great, fashion-wise, but I think she’s in an awkward phase of trying to figure out what she likes and what’s interesting to her, which has led to some for real fug. She definitely deserved to be seeded, but now she can bow out gracefully and let Miley Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Cyrus continue on her path to fuglory.

    Gaga v. Gummer was an odd matchup, and ordinarily, I’d probably be predisposed to DQ Gaga in my voting because COSTUMES. That said, I found some of those costumes to be extremely unflattering on her, so she gets the vote this time.

    Steinfeld v. Moore was super hard. Ultimately, Steinfeld got my vote based, surprisingly, on my virulent hatred for that teal number. I REALLY hate that dress. The unflatttering, stumpifying, mysteriously high non-empire waist, plus the cheapness of the fabric and the smallness of the armholes, plus the superfluous neckbow, all polished off with the dumpiest, frumpiest shoes.

  20. Kuri
    0

    I do not support his Prime Minister and have campaigned for his opponents. However, if I were meeting him, I would wear a fucking suit. Beiber should have been turned away at the door of that event.

    • Edith
      0

      Exactly. If this was supposed to be a “protest,” it’s childish and stupid. And also invisible, because Bieber ALWAYS LOOKS LIKE THAT. What’s he protesting the rest of the time? It’s preposterous.

  21. Helen
    0

    Bieber’s skants take it easily, along with the disrespect to occasion and position.

    Cyrus because of Those Shorts. You know the ones. Anything you have to unbutton to get into your car does not fit.

    Gummer because I think she’s trying to look pretty, which is not Gaga’s thing, but it looks like Gaga’s taking that handily, oh well.

    Moore because she should know better. Steinfeld’s in the “I’m Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman” phase and, though it can be done, it’s tough to dress that, so I give her a pass for about the next year or so. She looked consistently great when she was still really a little girl, and I hope she’ll look great again when she’s 18.

  22. Darren
    0

    I recently have come around to liking Miley Cyrus as she’s a billionare 20-year old who seemingly has a good head on her shoulders and knows how to have fun WITHIN REASON. That being said, I had to vote for her because at least Emma’s misses are still, somehow related to how a normal person would dress.

    Conversely, I almost didn’t vote for Gaga because her costumer-y is pretty old hat by now and I am probably the one person on this website who thinks she’s brilliant, but that photo from the airport. EGADS.

    Voted for Julianne because she’s what, 45 and still hasn’t gotten it together yet?

    Finally, Beiber. If not for Rhianna he would be a shoe-in for the finals. As it is…that is going to be quite the battle.

  23. Bella
    0

    Yep. Beiber could take this.

    Once again, Julianne Moore has no excuse. And isn’t Mamie adorable! A little Meryl.

  24. mary lou bethune
    0

    Beiber is so ridiculous ! I too have apoplexy when I see that dumb face staring into the camera not to mention the clothes. Why do we have such a visceral reaction to him?

    It isn’t quite fair to judge the tacky Miley against the brainy Emma, nor the performance artist Lady Gaga against Mamie gummer, who just doesn’t care. Meryl used to show up in some pretty bad togs, too, as I remember.
    One feels that Emma is just trying fashion out… Miley is trying to be lurid. Who would you rather have to tea?

    • pantsonfire
      0

      “One feels that Emma is just trying fashion out… Miley is trying to be lurid. Who would you rather have to tea?” Super well said, mlb!

  25. Jackie
    0

    I really hope Miley Cirus goes all the way. What she’s done to herself this year….I can’t even.

    P.S. I had to vote for Bieber but OMG that last dress on Cristina Ricci. Wow. Just wow.

  26. Alma
    0

    “And I pray to Swinton…” made me LOL, thank you Fug Girls!

    I love that every now and again, I passionately say to myself “Oh, you can’t beat *insert name here*!!!” Bieber & Cyrus will definitely make it far

  27. Andrew S.
    0

    Don’t quote me on this, but I heard the reason JB dressed like that to meet his prime minister was some form of protesting him. If it was then – ok I guess.

  28. Hannah
    0

    Pants like the ones in the second Bieber picture always look to me like the wearer has sewn up the neck of a sweatshirt and stuck his legs through the sleeves. I think I’m throwing in my lot with the “maybe if we give him the whole thing he’ll stop making us look at him” camp.

  29. TonyG
    0

    Biebs, Gaga, Emma and Hailee were my votes.

    I confess to liking the fun that Biebs has with his shoes, but everything else is just so bad even though it is clearly styled.

    Gaga, uncharacteristically, had some good stuff this year, but when she goes all cracked out, she’s still one of the best.

    Miley was such a big improvement from last year and Emma got worse this year. Also, I really loved some of Miley’s styling this year, whereas there really was not one thing from Emma that wowed me.

    Hailee’s fall from grace was just so far this year, that I did not feel bad voting for her. If she could be so good last year and then choose some of the horrible stuff she did this year, she deserves my vote.

  30. agcons
    0

    Sonny-boy, the fact that you are a complete tool is no reason to look the part.

    Gaga frequently looks terrible but she’s always fascinating. Gummer looks unnecessarily like a frump, for the win.

    From the neck up Miley’s chanelling of Pink works for her. From the neck down makes me shudder.

    Moore vs. Steinfeld came down to Yellow Bandage vice Chanel-ish Mistake. Steinfeld won.

  31. mrbruno
    0

    Bieber Fugs Supreme!! All Hail Mighty Fugger!!!!!!

  32. Beth
    0

    I kind of love the last Ricci dress with the ruffles. I feel like I would be standing there on the red carpet giving a shout-out to the Fug Girls and having just a ton of fun in it because it’s both crazy and awesome. Go to enough of these events and don’t you sometimes just have to go over the top?

  33. ML
    0

    Come ON, Beebs/Miley in the Sweet 16! I need the GFY photo-roll of their similar yet competing hairstyles in my life.

  34. ChristieLea
    0

    BIEBER. That is all. I want him to win just for the epic Twitter meltdown to follow.

    In all fairness, Gaga wasn’t actually WEARING the inflatable vagina (And I think that’s the only time in my life I’ll ever type that sentence). Since I’m also one of the few here who like her, I suppose I’m biased, but…Mamie isn’t even trying, so she gets my vote.

    Miley/Emma was tough because I’d normally give the She’s Young pass to both of them. I liked most of what Emma wore this year, and since Miley really couldn’t experiment with fashion when she was doing Hannah Montana, when else in her life can she try out Billy Idol hair and cracktacular clothes? The Beetlejuice pants swayed me, though. Miley gets this round.

    That’s also why Hailee gets a pass for some of her choices. Julianne ought to know how to dress herself by now (or have the sense to hire someone who can). She got my vote.