As a refresher: The photos and links in each matchup are NOT the only outfits eligible; rather, they’re a representative sample of the body of work. Polls close after 24 hours, so if you like to research your choices — on our site, Getty Images, Google, whatever — have at it and just make sure you vote before the game ends. Enjoy.
(2) KATY PERRY vs. (15) GEMMA ARTERTON
Okay, in fairness, I am pretty sure Katy Perry is wearing this hideous Christmas sweater dress to be amusing:
But I couldn’t resist including it. It says something about a woman that she’s willing to commit to going out in public wearing this insane sweater. With her boyfriend, no less (John Mayer, I mean, not Santa. As far as I know). It’s FESTIVE and BOLD! Sadly, this year has been less festive than usual for Katy, if no less bold — and consistently thematic, if we’re going to take her inaugural ensemble into account, which we should. Her divorce from Russell Brand must have bummed her out.
Even worse, that was kind of a naked bummer. If you’re going to get nekkid, might as well have fun with it. And boy did she get naked this Fug Madness Season, if joylessly. Behold her — AND SO MUCH MORE:
THAT was a bad idea. As was this, and not only because it clarified the question: Does Katy Perry Own More Than One Pair of Granny Panties?
She does! And she is gonna wear them in public!
THIS was subtle:
Leave the nude bodysuit to Britney Spears, girl. That is actually one of my life rules — along with “don’t catch on fire” and “try not to choke on that sandwich.” This was a Much Music performance, and you seriously need to look at the rest of the stuff she trotted out in Canada. Let’s just say, SOME HARD CHOICES WERE MADE.
Katy also made a variety of CHOICES on the red carpet:
Let me remind you, the above was NOT worn at a costume party. I repeat, that event was NOT A COSTUME PARTY.
Nor was this, although it was the premiere of her movie I Kissed A Girl or whatever she named it, and presumably a lady can wear whatever costume she likes to her movie premiere:
Apparently, her self-inflicted dress code for the London premiere was BRITISH BALLERINA WHO FEARS RAIN.
But I kind of half to give her half-hearted and half-assed props for this:
Not because it’s GOOD, but because it’s perfectly coordinated with any slime to be found at this event. I appreciate a girl who thinks ahead to coordinate her dress with whatever viscous substances she might later find on her head. And of course, this is but a handful of Katy’s output for the year.
Less prolific but perhaps no less fugly (that point is up to you) is poor Gemma Arterton, whose starring role in the surely-embarrassing Hansel & Gretel: This Sat On a Shelf For Ages For A Reason also landed her a Fug Madness debut:
This should have been separates. Right? I do appreciate that it’s kind of like what would happen if Vegas opened a library.
This never worked on anyone:
Were we talking about bold? Because that’s a good euphemism for what this is:
This is just misguided:
And this is….what’s a stronger word than misguided?
All of its fabric appears that it’s being sucked inside her body. Which really isn’t where you want your dress to go.
(3) NICKI MINAJ vs. (14) KRYSTEN RITTER
There are a lot of body parts in this match-up, and a bunch of them belong to Krysten Ritter. But the erstwhile B does NOT bring rainbow fringe to her wardrobe, and that could be her undoing:
What she does bring is — like Katy Perry before her — granny panties:
Minaj — whose archives you MUST examine, as they are a treasure trove well above and beyond what I’ve chosen for this post — calls those panties and ups the ante with a bra that appears to be covered in barnacles. What would we call that? BRANACLES? HAHAHAHAHHA I SLAY ME:
ACTUALLY, they might be cupcakes, but there aren’t nearly as many elegant portmanteux for “cupcake bra.”
Not content with only getting one wear out of her Giant Pants (as Bridget Jones would put it), Ritter brought us this — with a side of Really Weird Bangs:
I do think these women would bond over what appears to be a shared love of the color pink. Behold what Nicki wore to her perfume release party:
Yet another bra top, fighting the onslaught of granny panties. I think it’s entirely possible that Nicki Minaj has a room in her house devoted entirely to whimsical bra tops.
Whereas all of Ritter’s wardrobe involves Unusual Flashes of Skin. Which can be effective when used properly, but this is….
Not. It is, in fact, VERY CLOSE to making a break for Bra-Top-ville. Of which Minaj is the mayor! You can tell she’s in charge because she’s wearing a hat:
And yes, those are trolls on her tights. Better on her tights than in our comments section, right?
Meanwhile, Ritter continued blazing through the year wearing incomplete items:
Amusingly, it looks like Nicki took that partial dress and chopped it in two and decided to sport it as YES WAIT FOR IT a quasi-bra top:
She at least has the consolation of knowing that however this bracket turns out for her, she will always look a little bit like a superhero. And Krysten will always be able to call up the Beek and make him tell her he doesn’t want her life. They both win.
(6) LINDSAY LOHAN vs. (11) ALEXA CHUNG
A few words about Lindsay Lohan. There are those of you who believe she ought to qualify for The Britney Rule — namely, that she has enough problems that we should stop covering her. While we respect that point of view, we believe that Lindsay’s current issues are very much Fifth Verse Same As The First, and the only reason she is currently going to court-ordered rehab is to avoid going to court-ordered jail. She’s certainly a habitual liar with terrible parents who makes bad life choices, but if that was the only thing that disqualified you for Fug Madness, we’d have far fewer contestants. But if you don’t think Lilo should continue in this contest, please vote for Alexa!
That is, if you can resist the lure of this:
Like seven to ten animals died for that outfit and while I eat meat and wear leather myself, I can not sign off on the notion of wearing THIS MANY CREATURES at once. AT THE AIRPORT. I long for the leggings.
On the other hand, is this an improvement?
IS SHE EVEN WEARING PANTS?
AGAIN, I WONDER: ARE THOSE EVEN PANTS?
On the other hand, pants are probably relieved not to have had their good name associated with the gown Lindsay wore to the premiere of Liz and Dick (which was a blight upon the land, but had nothing to do with her wardrobe this year. AS FAR AS WE KNOW):
Sigh. And DOUBLE SIGH:
Let’s pop over to Casa Alexa Chung and see what’s brewing on the other side of the pond (here are her archives, if you must dig deep). I must wonder how long The Universe is going to try to make Alexa Chung happen in the United States. And if these ruffly pantaloons will help at all:
And then, like Maude, there’s THIS:
Alexa loves layering, which will probably be the title of her new show on Oxygen:
She can not get enough of her white shirt and she will NOT allow it to be worn on its own. Like a child, it needs constant coverage:
Maybe Alexa Chung is to her white shirt as Zooey Deschanel is to her black tights — a little bit of fashion algebra I plan to work on while you vote.
(7) NAOMI WATTS vs. (10) LENA DUNHAM
I enjoy that this match-up is basically two smart, talented ladies who may have made some fashion missteps but at least rarely appear tacky. Sometimes it’s MUCH harder to vote when neither woman is taking a regular trip down to Hoochietown.
Also, Naomi is often accessorized with Liev, which you guys will appreciate:
That coat is painful and she wears it all the time. It’s her formal coat and I wish it looked less like an envelope. I do enjoy how drunk Liev looks here, though. These two often look a little cranky with each other, so it’s nice to see them looking jovial, even if one of them IS wearing a pillowcase.
Watts looked pretty good during awards season, but she had a rough start to the year. I can not, for example, with this:
Likewise, I Can Not with The Curious Incident of The Sleeves. (I CAN, however, with the super skeptical look on that one photographer, though. That girl is totally part of Fug Nation.)
And you know that my softening feelings toward jumpsuits do not extend to this one:
Although I adore her for playing beer pong on TV.
Speaking of jumpsuits:
I mean…it’s not….the worst jumpsuit that ever happened? That’s damning with faint praise (although I do really like her hair in the pixie).
And if Naomi is well-accessorized with Liev, Lena did not go wrong with Hamish Bowles, on whom I have a standing fashion week crush (bring back the ‘stache, Hamish!):
I actually did not hate that dress, either. I didn’t love it, but at least it fit her, and the color was fun.
I was similarly neutral on this — it would have been more successful if she didn’t look like she had just been run over by a bus, which is actually my feeling about Girls in general — although I continue to think her head looks really good. Both of the women here at least almost always bring good head…I am going to stop typing right now.
Lena never met a strapless dress she didn’t like:
And I never get sick of reminding you to be sure to look at the archives before you vote: