Fug Madness 2013: Elite Eight preview

The first game is in three hours, and Justin Bieber — everyone’s favorite to win this sucker — has SHOCKED THE WORLD by being ELIMINATED in decisive style. He was symbolically pantsed by the Queen of Preen, Lady Gaga, receiving only ONE percent of the vote. This can be considered one massive “Aye” vote in the worldwide referendum on his pants, and so we hereby heartily endorse everybody wearing diaper-leggings for the next calendar year. Think of all the room for snack storage; you won’t need to carry a purse. The handbag industry is officially ON NOTICE.

… Yeah, okay, that’s all I had in the April Fool’s Day tank, and admittedly it was pretty lame. I know I didn’t actually trick ANY of you, since most of you out there probably thought, “Wait, I KNOW I wasn’t the only one who voted for Bieber…” Rest assured, Fug Nation, Justin is still in the contest, and diaper-leggings are still putrid. They’re not pants; they’re PERILOUS. Happy April 1.

Here’s who’s playing today and tomorrow — yes, including the Bieb — and how they got there:



(1) RITA ORA vs. (10) ZOSIA MAMET- Today

Rita Ora got a real test from Jessie J, but in the end, most of you decided you had a soft spot for Jessie, and so Rita advances with 55 percent of the votes being cast in her favor. Zosia is the last of the Girls still standing, sweeping past the Sev with 68 percent of the vote.

bjork if you got 'em



I thought both these two would have a tougher time in the Sweet Sixteen, but y’all REALLY are not Beliebers — or, maybe you are, but just in the power of his poor taste. Justin scored a whopping 87 percent of the vote against Lady Gaga — his victories have been decisive throughout — and Lindsay Lohan stomped on Lena Dunham’s rookie campaign with 76 percent of the vote.



(1) RIHANNA vs. (2) HEIDI KLUM – Today

Charo is the first of two brackets to make it here with both top seeds alive. Heidi beat back Christina Hendricks, but just barely, with 54 percent of the vote. Rihanna had a much easier time with Elle Fanning — 77 percent of you voted her through to the Elite Eight, to face off against another frequently nude-adjacent person.



This very nearly was Ke$ha. She and K.Stew crept around each other the entire time, sneaking ahead then falling behind, but when the polls closed it was Kristen Stewart who edged ahead, 50 percent to 49 percent (our polling software rounds down ALL tenths, so the results always add up to 99, which… is weird, but it’s free, so whatever). K.Stew will take on a less grubby but equally poorly dressed contender in Kim Kardashian, who obliterated Carly Rae Jepsen with 82 percent of the vote. Y’all have one hell of a choice to make between these two schmucks.

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Comments (48):

  1. The Other Molly

    The Rita/Zosia contest is the one I’m the least interested in.
    It’s gotta come down to Kardashian vs. Bieber, with Bieber as the winner.

    • gin_in_teacups

      My very exact thoughts. This game is Bieber’s to lose.

    • Julie M

      Yep, agree with the Kim/Beiber final but I’m having a tough time choosing a winner between those two. I have picked the final 8 correctly in 3 of the 4 brackets. Maybe I should start betting on basketball after all.

    • ZinJoJo

      ITA. And I like the (likely) final Beiber/Kardashian matchup, it easily could have been a Beiber/Lohan finale had they not been in the same bracket. Lohan could have taken out almost anyone else in the Elite Eight — except the Beibs.

  2. EmilyAP

    Well, I for one was pretty dang shocked by your first two sentences, and baffled by the end of the paragraph, and am now sipping some much needed caffeine.

    Curse you, April Fool’s Day, curse yoooouuuu!!

    • Tia Chocolate

      I was so fooled too…my mouth hung open rather unattractively; half-chewed taco lay there for the world to see…
      too much? sorry… :)

    • glee

      CURSE YOU, indeed. I almost spit my coffee all over my keyboard. And it happens frequently enough when I am on GFY as is. (i really need a new keyboard)

  3. Karen

    Rihanna v Heidi? How to choose between two such stellar specimens of fugitive?

    Biebs for the win!

  4. Karen

    Rihanna v Heidi – what a choice! How to choose between two such splendid specimens of fug?

    Biebs for the win.

  5. Annie B

    Well, for what it’s worth, you fooled me too at first. If it had been anyone other than Lady Gaga, I would not have believed it at all, but with her history, I kinda believed it.

    The Biebs could very well be the first male winner. He’s dressed so horribly all year. I’ve probably jinxed it now, but I’ll sure be voting for him to the end.

    • Erin

      I was so close to saying “Nah uh! He totally beat her this weekend!” Because I’m a 12-year old idiot who forgot it was April Fool’s. I was actually upset that Biebs was out of the game for about a minute. That dude has to win.

  6. Carol

    K-Stew vs K-Kard! Wow … that’s going to be a real mind-bender … tough, tough, tough!

  7. Charlotte

    Well, you sure fooled ME. So content was I in Bieber’s win over Gaga that I never once thought to check back after voting for him. (As opposed to the K-Stew vs. Ke$ha battle, the post of which I spent all weekend refreshing…what? Y’all know you did the same thing).

  8. Stefanie

    You totally fooled me. My first thought was “Gaga cheated! She’s onto us and she sat in her gold plated wheelchair all weekend and voted for herself!!”

    I was pulling for Beiber, but I dont know….Zoiset could stand a chance?

    • laura

      Hahaha, I also thought Gaga got her little monsters to cheat or hack the site or something….

      Bieber for the win!

  9. marie

    I’m at the office and to use Chris Traeger’s tagline, “I lit-rally shouted nooooo!” while reading the first paragraph. curse you April Fools!

  10. twitwhileblack

    Ke$ha was robbed. I’m participating in the next round under protest.

    • Sajorina

      I agree!

      • Vandalfan

        To properly honor her, though, you should vote in the nude.

        • Helen

          Will the panel accept an unflattering bodysuit in lieu of nudity? I probably have one of those around somewhere…

    • pantsonfire

      I think it goes without saying (though I’ll say it anyway) that I agree wholeheartedly. I am likewise participating under protest.

  11. Billie

    Fooled me here too. I just sat here thinking ‘No way? What? Who are these sneaky voters because Fug Nation has been behind Biebs for the win for a while!’ Ugh, Mondays.

    I, too, am pulling for a K Kard v. Bieb final. It’ll come down to peplum pants v. diaper pants. Really, which fug is worse?

    • Caroline

      Diaper pants!

    • Katharine

      Totally fooled – I was imagining hordes of Beliebers descending on your website to protect their idol … Poopy Pants for the win!

  12. Tiffany

    Bieber for win, let’s make it happen!

  13. Sajorina

    Bieber vs Lohan is going to be the only hard one for me! And I can’t believe Kesha is out, but it makes it so much easier to vote for KK!

  14. Laceflower

    I guess it wasn’t such a lame AF joke after all. Got me too.

  15. Sara

    You fooled me, too! Curse this day!

  16. CJG

    Dear Heather,

    You actually DID fool me (I forgot it was April 1st)!

    P.S. I love you and Jessica and Fug Madness, and what I like most about your site is that I can count on you both for your humanity and common sense as well your awesome comedic writing — but I think you might want to google what “schmuck” really means in Yiddish!!

    • Tamdog

      I concur with all of this. And I think she probably has a pretty good idea…

  17. cath

    After Ora killed the vagkin, I’m ready to believe anything is possible in Fug Madness. It was, indeed, a relief to see that the Biebs is still in there, representing my country.

  18. Sheneve Butler

    Of the people still left, I think Kim K. and Heidi Klum are the only people really trying to look good but failing. Heidi tries to make bad clothes look good, but she’s not that good at it. For that reason, I would like for it to come down to them 2.

    Beiber – Dresses like a lot of guys that went to my high school.
    Zosia – Has an “interesting” (meaning bad) sense of style.
    Rita Ora – Ugh.
    Lindsay Lohan – Has reached Brit Brit status when it comes to dressing. It’s expected that 99% of the time she will look like crap.
    KStew – If she changed her attitude, I think some of these outfits would actually work. Plus I get the feeling that she puts on whatever her stylist gives her. Or it was her “rebelling” against being called best dressed of some year. Ugh.

  19. D

    I was excited for a minute. I think Biebs is awful, but he’s the same fug over and over and I’ll be sad if he wins. However I find Gaga’s Fug to be pretty intentional and mostly for show, whereas I tend to vote for those who think they look amazing and don’t get that they’re in head-to-toe fug.

    No Biebs for win!

    But alas it seems people are big on him winning this year.

  20. Vandalfan

    Oh, you clever wags! Here’s one for the memory banks:


  21. court

    k. stewart and k. kardashian were my actual picks for the finals. I think this will be the hardest one (though klum vs hendricks was gave it a run for the money).

  22. Marie Phillips

    It’s got to be Kardashian versus Bieber, which is the Kramer versus Kramer remake nobody wanted to see.

  23. Amanda In Austin

    I was fooled by the Bieber thing until you said he got only 1% of the vote, and then I knew it was a joke. I’m looking forward to the Biebs becoming the first “dude” to win Fug Madness.

  24. wordphreak

    Heidi seems very insecure. Must suck to be a gorgeous model.

  25. Amanda

    I’m echoing the Kardashian vs. Bieber finale. Both of them make me barf. I might have to call in sick tomorrow.

  26. Amberoni13

    I may be the first one, but the fact that SO MANY people are voting on LiLo’s fug kind of renews my faith in Fug Nation’s humanity. Seriously, I occasionally worry sometimes that the crazy pants folks will convince the Ladies of Fug to stop reporting on her wacktackularity in dress, which would be wrong at this point. Thousands of people apparently still believe in you, Ladies – Fug ON. Fug on.

  27. kscoaster

    Beiber – Dresses like a lot of guys that went to my high school.

    Please tell me that’s an April Fool’s Day joke as well…