Fug Madness 2012, Sweet Sixteen: Madonna Bracket, Part I

(2) JESSIE J vs (14) KE$HA 

KeSHIFT-4ha can’t match Jessie J for omnipresence, but can she do it with potency? And I don’t mean the strength of the theoretical odor I assume permeates her hair, although I suppose that counts too.

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Comments (70):

  1. zah

    at least jesse j looks CLEAN, so Ke$ha gets my vote.

    also – props for the multiple variations on her $, much appreciated at 3p on a slow workday.

    • Eliza Bennett

      I was depressed by Kesha’s section. I realized I was smiling through Jessie J’s part and every once in awhile saying, “Aw, you’re so pretty! You bedazzled your crutches. That is GANGSTA.” and…I voted for Ke-WAMPUM-ha.

    • Patricia

      I agree, Kesha just looks unkempt all the time, and can you IMAGINE trying to get a brush through that hair after all that?

    • bdaiss

      Ditto this comment in total.

    • Andy

      My thought exactly!! Clean fug loses out to dirty looking fug every time

    • jodi

      @zah–that was EXACTLY the phrase going through my mind as I clicked.

    • NYCGirl

      “At least Jessie appears clean” was my reasoning, too.

  2. Indiana Douche

    I see now way Jessie J can overcome Ke$ha.

  3. Indiana Douche

    I see no way Jessie J can overcome Ke$ha.

  4. jen310

    Rancid, dumpster-diving, skeezy fug vs. Bright, sunshiny, fun fug. Ummmm, who to vote for, KNasty or Double J? Yeah, KNasty’s tragic unwashed fug has this game. Jessie J looks like she’s having a blast. I will not hate on her righteous fug of delightfulness.

  5. Annie E

    Almost all of Jessie J’s outfits made me cringe, especially when they are paired with that blunt bob that is so horrible for her face. Kes$ha is bad, but at least her clothes… fit? Are kind of flattering?

    • mshesterp

      Oh honey–that silver sparkly dress with the band across the middle and the hip pockets? Makes thick waisted girls everywhere (like myself) cringe with just how unflattering it is! Kesha (forget that dollar sign!) doesn’t understand how to dress her body for sure.

      Although I REALLY don’t understand Jessie J’s love of super tight crotch grabbing high waisted pants. She’s so cute otherwise! LET THE WAIST RUN FREE, GIRLS.

      • Annie E

        This is true. Ke$ha’s just so surprisingly pretty I was temporarily blinded.

  6. Small Anne Cordelia

    I’m realy surprised that Kesha (I flat out refuse to use a dollar sign to spell this girl’s name) is beating Jessie J. I know that Kesha looks like she smells, and her outfits are whack, but I feel like she’s doing it all for effect, shock value. I feel like Jessie J. actually thinks she looks totally boss, and that’s much sadder, in my book. Jessie J. FTW!!

    • Caroline

      Jessie J to win it all!!! I want her to vomit herself all over America like her skilled PR team has been unable to do yet. Fug supremacy will help her with her goals of domination!!! But, for real, her music is downright catchy. PLUS a lace Fergie vs a lace Jessie J – MAGIC!

  7. Toni

    My vote goes tooooo…. Ke$ha!!


  8. Christian

    I voted for Jessie J thanks to slide 17. That picture always makes me laugh.

  9. witjunkie

    Yeah, I hate when I get halfway through a slideshow and realize I’ve been missing witty captions on the left and have to start all over. KeScratchHahahahhhhahahaha

  10. M

    Ke$ha looks like she’s tired of her own shtick, which is the greater crime in my book (see Levigne, Avril). At least Jessie J cheers me up!

  11. Stella

    I think Jessie has to win for finding so many hideous catsuits, seriously where the hell does she find such retina offending clothes?

  12. witjunkie

    I’m really amazed at the depths of fug that Jessie J has plumbed. I”m actually impressed.

    And it doesn’t seem like KeBuckHa’s heart was really in it this year. She, and her clothes, look tired.

  13. Willow

    I think this could turn into another SJP vs Shenae

  14. Amber

    Had to go with Kesha. Jessie J reminds me of Katy Perry (or Katy Perry of old, at least)–having fun and in on the joke. Kesha-not so much.

  15. Mjx

    Well, here we go again. In 20 years, these women are going to look at these images: Jessie is going to think something along the lines of, ‘Yep, those were my salad days, too bad about the clothes, but hey, that was the time to get it out of my system… mostly, you could still tell I was sort of cute’; Kesha is going to think something like ‘Yep, those were my salad days, and virtually every time I put on clothing, I made myself look worse than I actually would have.’

    Worse, Kesha doesn’t even look like she’s having fun with her ruinous clothing selections. Chloe Sevigny similarly manages to trash her apperance, but at least you get the impression she’s having a little fun with the things she chooses.

  16. Sylvia

    This is tough. I wanted to vote for Ke$ha (it makes me angry when I have to type that blasted dollar sign), because at least Jessie J smiles through her fug. But then the back of that jumpsuit appeared in the second to last slide, and I was torn again.

    I think I still have to vote for Ke-dollar sign-ha, but I would get it if Jessie J won.

  17. Darren

    Jessie J is the epitome of try-hard wheras I truly believe Ke$ha does not give a single f—. And I like that.

  18. Carol

    Here’s the thing….Jessie J is crazy pants (haha! since she hardly wears pants!) but Kesha just always manages to look graceless, pissed off and in need of a good scrubbing in the face area. Just…no. I gotta vote Kesha as being more fug. Plus – stop with the $ in your name, it’s ludicrous and trying way too hard…

  19. JanieS

    You know, it’s amazing what a smile and the impression that you bathe regularly can do. Jessie J may be crazeballs at least she looks like she’s having fun.

  20. Marte

    I wanted to vote for Ke-iuoprutope-ha, because she disgust me, and Jessie looks so happy, but there was just too much Polterwang… *sobs*

  21. Morgan R.

    This one was tough. I voted Ke$ha, on account of she’s grungy and I like her music less, but I honestly did not think anyone would even come close to assaulting my eyes as violently as she does– and Jessie J. very nearly accomplished it. Let’s hope by this time next year Ke$ha will have swirled down a drain somewhere into the sewers of obscurity and Ms. J will have a better shot.

  22. Stefanie

    I gave it Kedollarsignha. That silver number with the hip wings is what did it for me. She was trying to look decent and failed miserably.

    My issue with Jessie J is that I dont find her amusing. I dont cackle with glee while looking at her, I just do not care about her. And for the life of me I cant figure out why she wears that terrible bob and does Tyra’s “Model 101 Pose” with the hands on her hips all the damn time.

    • Frankie

      This! I was happy to go along with Jessie J’s schtick until I realised she’s doing that god awful broken-down-doll pose in nearly every shot. Sweetie, you have a tiny little waist already, you don’t need to contort your body to make it look tinier.

      So on the basis of that, and the jumpsuits, I had to give it to Jessie.

  23. Britt

    Jessie J is less fugly, just by virtue of being bathed and wearing a smile. Ke$ha takes it.

  24. Amanda in Austin

    How in the name of all that is holy and good can Jessie J be losing right now?!?

    • Dana

      I am so with you on this. Slide 18 is as bad as Ashanti’s uterus baring dress.

  25. filmcricket

    Voted Ke$ha. I have no idea who Jessie J is (she said while ordering kids off her lawn) but her fug looks put together, if that makes sense. Ke$ha looks like a poodle that rolled in Gaga’s dumpster.

  26. Kiti

    There have been a few very close contests for me this year (see: Kourtney Kardashian vs Chloe Sevigny just earlier today) but this was the most difficult one so far. Both Kesha and Jessie J are worthy contenders who should go far in Fug Madness. The fact that they are matched against each at this point and one must be eliminated is a travesty, considering that Lindsay Lohan for example (who I think has offered fewer–though still notable–fug offenses this year than her current ahead-of-Gaga ranking would warrant) will apparently move into the next round. I finally voted for Kesha because, as many commenters have noted above, she never seems happy or as if she is having fun. Her fugly attitude tipped the scale in her direction. Also: Slide #3 made me literally sit up and exclaim “Holy Sweet Mother of Fug!” Apparently Kesha has discovered both a time machine and an aging potion, and she is now a trashy 40-year-old cougar (heheh, wearing leopard print) in 1987. That jumpsuit ultimately sealed the deal. It, and Kesha’s styling, are the definition of fug.

  27. Libby

    I’m sorry that I have to vote for one of them – it feels like we’re rewarding them for their aggressively, in your face fugness. They both made me cringe in a look-away-quicky-and-pretend-you-didn’t-see-her kind of way.

  28. Ruth

    I have a hard time with the singer fugs, because they are clearly trying to be outrageous and they are performing. Actress fugs are another story because some of them are really trying to be fashion forward (Chloe Sevigny, Kat(i)e Holmes, Olsen Twins) and they are just FUG. So Kesha gets my vote because she looks dirty most of the time. Just take a SHOWER.

  29. Caroleena Stantonova

    Ke$ha is trying too hard to be a bad ass. Her costumes are so frickin’ bad, that she ends up just looking like an ass. A jackass.

    Jessie J can’t dress worth squat either, but at least she smiles and tries to sell it!

  30. vandalfan

    Jessie makes me laugh, which mutes the fugness. Ke BUCK ha (and I commend your creative captions!) makes me throw up a little. Plus I want more shift-4 nicks! On goes the Disgusting One.

  31. Conchobara

    I think Jessie J is just so adorable. And I think her wacky clothes are for the theatricality of it (like La Minaj). Whereas Kesha actually thinks she looks hot or edgy.

  32. Bambi Anne Dear

    How sad that because of the hideosity of all 18 outfist, the purple pyjamas actually look OK! Kesha gets it from me- she just looks dirty.

  33. Jo

    I smiled at Jessie J and frowned and Kwhateversha, so there. Kwhatever for the win. Kwhatever against KK? That would be fun.

    @Heather re: Rihanna wearing the long versions of those pants – she didn’t. It’s Jessie J who wore the part of Rihanna’s pair that gone missing.

  34. Karen

    Well, count me in with the folks who have to give it to Kesha just for topping her fug with that nasty, scowling face. A cheery smile really CAN be your umbrella!

    But, wow, it’s a shame these two matched up here. This would have been a TREMENDOUS final. Because, truly, there are not many people who deserve the Fug Crown more than these two.

  35. Danielle

    That was a tough but fair competition. They both look terrible — and terribly nuts — but in a very calculated and premeditated way, which is annoying. In the end Kesha got my vote because I kind of liked some of Jessie J’s shoes. I guess that’s what it’s come to…

  36. MzStilletto

    At least Jessie J is smiling in most of her pics; she looks like she’s having fun with it.
    Kewhateverha always just looks like she’s coming down from post-op anesthesia.
    My vote went to Kefugha.

  37. Kyasarin

    Jessie J occasionally has good hair and makeup. Ke$ha, on the other hand, always looks like she smells bad. Thus, the fug goes to her.

  38. robabeau

    I actually don’t hate the Jessie J outfits as much as I know I’m supposed to. There’s just something fun and daffy about some of them. It’s like if Gaga hadn’t made herself intolerable by trying to convince us that she’s some kind of provocateur, I might still be interested. that’s how I feel about Jessie J right now.

  39. Girlin

    Had to go for Ke$ha…the pong got me through my computer screen =(

  40. gail

    Haven’t laughed so hard in a while. Thanks for great writing.

  41. lisas

    For the record, all of my fug madness votes are given with amused affection, I don’t hate the people I’m picking. Jessie J, because I love a swing and a miss and she delivers every time. So much fun.

  42. Katie

    The whole of Ke$ha always seems to look terrible so she gets my vote. Often Jessie’s face looks great and her hair looks good enough. And she has good posture. Ke$ha is a slumped over mess from top to bottom. But this was a tough one!

  43. TFFKAChris

    (That is, “The Fugger Formerly Known as Chris,” which will become “The Fugger.”)

    Kesha won it when Jessie J showed up in bedazzled arm braces.

    JESSIE. HONEY. NOT ONLY DID GAGA DO THAT FIRST, SHE ALSO (ARGUABLY) DID IT BETTER. (And yes, I know, I’m actually supporting Lady Gags over someone.)

    Kesha’s ass has never stared at me. On the other hand, Jessie J doesn’t make me want to take a shower, so…Kesha it is.

  44. sophia

    how is keUSDha winning? did people go ALL the way through the slide show? did they SEE Jessie J’s light blue…thingee with the boob cut outs? and the holey body stocking?

    • The Fugger

      Yes, I did, and while Jessie J’s behind is shapely, I’ve already been stared at by enough butts this year to not want to be reminded of THAT eldritch horror.

      That said, although Jessie J wears absolute crack and has never met a pair of high-waisted leggings she didn’t like, not only did she PLAGIARIZE HER FUG from the biggest plagiarist in the field, she also showers. On a regular basis. And doesn’t remind me of some Mafia hausfrau from Livingston or Short Hills.

  45. Meri

    I think Jessie’s outfits may be slightly worse.. but she’s smiling and clean in the pictures. Whereas Keclamha just…ugh. I want somebody to drop a bucket of soapy water on her.

  46. lori

    Ever since that one episode of Glee, I’ve called Ke$ha “Key-dollar sign-ha.”

  47. Bubba

    I had to vote for Jessie J, because of the sheer number of ONE PIECE SKIN TIGHT LEOTARDS and NUDITY and VISIBLE UNDERWEAR. Ugh. She made me shouty.

  48. anny

    I’ll just never understand why somebody thought they had to pith that leotard. Twice.

  49. Electric Landlady

    Both have some absolutely cracktastic outfits, but Jessie J is always clean and usually smiling, so I had to give this to Ke-loonie-ha for best exemplifying the True Meaning of Fug.

  50. TonyG

    I am tired of Kemoolaha, though, believe it or not, she is much improved from last year. Jessie J’s “Holey Bodysuit, Batman!” outfit sealed the deal for me. Come on…We need a Jessie J comeback Fug Nation!

  51. KK

    Part of Kesha’s problem is that she always stands like a brickie. My Australian sisters, you know what I mean.

  52. understateddiva

    Is that a photo of Ke$ha and Kenneth Cole?!?!?!

    • Sajorina

      Yes! And, to think I buy stuff he designs… I don’t want my Kenneth Cole stuff to be associated with Kesha! Urgh…

  53. Nancy

    This feels very similar to choosing between Barton and Momsen. Barton was obviously more creatively fug, yet Momsen’s outfits were so horrendous you couldn’t not vote for her.

    I never know if it’s right to ‘reward’ bad behaviour (Kesha’s) by voting for it because I think there is a lot of honour to be had in winning Fug Madness…

    Jessie J does deserve to go further, and so I vote for Kesha with some regret.

    This competition boggles my mind sometimes.

  54. Emily

    I think Ke$ha’s whole career is hinging on making “Worst Dressed” lists. So I didn’t vote for her, I don’t want to encourage her.

  55. taylor

    Those are some terrible outfits. Eek! So, for me, it came down to styling, which means Kesha takes my vote. Sigh. Fug Madness is so HARD!

  56. Ariel

    Ke$has worst offenses are more serious, but can’t compare to Jesse J’s litany of wrongdoings.
    Also I want Ke$ha out because typing her name is a pain.

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