Fug Madness 2012, Sweet Sixteen: Charo Bracket, Part II

(2) RIHANNA vs. (11) ROBYN

As one of you brilliant readers pointed out, Rihanna’s given name is ALSO Robyn, so I am privately thinking of this one as THE BATTLE OF THE ROBYNS.  It is also The Battle of Two Women Whose Songs Have Led to My Getting Caught At a Stoplight Singing Along Dramatically. Let’s sing it out.

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Comments (47):

  1. Willow

    I would so love a V Hudge vs Robyn showdown!

  2. alter_ego

    This round is making my head explode. I.CANNOT.PICK!

  3. Eliza Bennett

    I really thought Rihanna had my vote. And then those shoes and That Hair happened and not even the dress that looks like it was stuck on with toupee tape beats Robyn’s sartorial facepalms.

    • Alle Hall

      A number of the undersigned really hate Robyn’s shoes and hair. Ladies, have you never seen a gay woman? I live in Seattle. Robyn’s look is like, ho, hum, our sitter just showed up.

      (I liked the little shorts/halter top number, by they way. Maybe it would look better on a 7-year-old, but, hey! Little girls like to match their grown-ups. Beside, Robyn is so happy, working it.)

      Robyn’s Vanilla Dyke version doesn’t do it for me – and I have never heard her music; i’d never heard of her, in fact, until this year’s Madness – but I gotta love a girl who is so comfortable in a body that many in this biz would simply hide (see: Simpson, Jessica) or package ridiculously (see: Kardashian, any of ‘em).

  4. Ben

    Robyn! Carlsson, not Fenty. But in a good way, since her strain of Fug is so joyous. Rihanna’s current #nofux2giv attitude seems a bit more belaboured.

  5. jen310

    Wow, I thought RiRi might take this one in the battle of cutting edge fug pop stars but Robyn is bringing the sartorial hurt on her. Both Robyn and RiRi took out my early favorites – C. Hendricks and J.White – and in their epic battle of fug I really see RiRi’s sartorial sins to be the greater. It’ll be interesting to see how to plays out. I still have hope for you RiRi.

  6. robin

    intense! overall, while both are fuggerific, i think riri’s fug has more depth; robyn’s is essentially variations on the exact same theme (clodhopper shoes/leggings/weird top) with an occasional skirt (or, “skirt”) mixed in.

  7. Karen

    Rihanna exudes skank. And Robyn is a walking WTF… tough choice, tough choice.

  8. Alex

    Rihanna wins for the bad wigs alone. At least I hope they’re wigs.

  9. Pam

    Let’s see some votes for Rihanna! She is another one whose taste offends me. She’s so pretty but it doesn’t matter because she always looks furry, slutty or old. I wish she would find some CLASS. Robyn looks like loads of fun. I would love to try on those crazy shoes.

    • Anna

      Agreed. I thought Rihanna was going all the way. That lack of class is just… urgh. Robyn may be crazy but at least she’s crazy-fun, while Rihanna is crazy-skanky.

      • filmcricket

        That was kind of my reasoning as well, on the “making the most of her natural assets” tip mentioned in the Sev vs. Kardashian match-up. Rihanna is SO GORGEOUS and she’s wasting it. I’m not saying she has to dress like Kate Middleton or anything – she is a pop star, after all – but surely there’s a way to look funky without also looking like a bag of smashed a**?

        As for Robyn’s footwear, she’s just doing for Tims what the Spice Girls did for sneakers.

  10. Softwear

    Rihanna. Based on that last slide alone. Based on that last slide, she could take it all this year. I’m serious. Seriously BLIND.

  11. Sonya

    This was SO HARD. I hate Robyn’s hair with a passion, but at times I have also hated Rihanna’s. I think their collections as a whole are equally fug so I narrowed it down by remembering that occasionally, Rihanna does look good. Robyn always looks cracked out. Robyn FTW!

  12. BAH

    might have been closer for me if not for those awful, awful shoes of Robyn’s. horrific.

  13. Christian

    This is definitely the hardest match-up. In the end I had to go with Rihanna for that muppet vest and all the illusion netting. At least Robyn looks joyous.

  14. Mongerel

    Minty Muppet and AARP wig got my vote, but I’m not sad that Robyn has a definitive lead.

    • Bernadette

      My thoughts exactly. Rihanna’s clothes make me sad wheras Robyn’s clothes are joyously bad. So even though I voted Rihanna for overall fugliness, I like that Robyn is winning for epic cracked-out-ness.

  15. Ty3009

    Even the small amount of publicity that Robyn can get from winning this match up is good in my book. She is criminally overlooked in the US.

    I still think Rihanna should be winning this in terms of the sheer variety of fug she provides. Robyn’s fug is just variations on a theme.

  16. Kristen from MA

    Every time I see Robyn’s shoes I think, ‘Herman Munster would LOVE those!.’ That is not a good thing, fashion-wise.

  17. vandalfan

    Robyn. She’s a shoe-in.

    (yes, I went there)

  18. Edith

    Robyn, for Slide 6 alone. OUCH.

    Also, “Milk Kills”? It does?

  19. Kiti

    These are getting more and more difficult. I’m pretty sure that by the time we reach the final showdown round, I will be paralyzed with fug-related indecision and therefore unable to vote. Oh noes! I agree with many of the comments above re: Robyn’s fug is crazier, but also pretty much the same all the time, whereas Rihanna brought the fug in so many different and inspired themes: A mash-up of The Lovely Bones and The Aviator (slide #8)! Rear-End Window (slide #9)! Beyond the See-Through (slides #10-11)! It’s Not Easy Being Soylent Green (slide #12)! The Trainsporter (slide #13)! Finally, slide #14 sealed the deal for me. I had to vote Rihanna because no girl as young and pretty as she is should be aping Liza Minnelli’s style.

    Random side note: Robyn’s shirt that says “MILK KILLS” right over her boobs (slide #7) makes me wonder if she thinks breast-feeding is really dangerous. Wtf?

    • vandalfan

      Well played and bears repeating: “Rear-End Window (slide #9)! Beyond the See-Through (slides #10-11)! It’s Not Easy Being Soylent Green (slide #12)! The Trainsporter (slide #13)! If H and J ever need substitutes, you’re my pick.

      • Kiti

        @vandalfan I’m so flattered! =) I had fun coming up with those. It’s easy when people like Rihanna basically hand you the material and it writes itself.

  20. Jessica Halfacre

    I’m saying robyn. That white dress and white platforms CANNOT be forgiven alongside the haircut. Did she take a bowl to the hairdressers?! I mean dear God. This is getting hard.

  21. Janice

    Has Robyn never had occasion to wear a gown?

  22. Kaitlyn

    God, Robyn looks like fun. Eight different shades of pizza-party-throwing, whatever-it-takes-for-some-height-platform-wearing, overly-blonde, grinning, jazz-handed fun.

    Robyn is basically SWINTON in casual wear. How can I not?

  23. Maretha2

    Has anyone else noticed that in the Sartorial Facepalm, Robyn appears to have a nail through her finger??

  24. Kacy

    I hate Robyn’s hair so much (SO MUCH) that I had to vote for her!

  25. Kara

    I just can’t with Robyn’s hair. I simply cannot. And those platform Timbs …. no, girl.

    Rihanna has also sported terrible hair – her blonde with three-inch-roots-on-purpose thing is not the business. And while i don’t think she IS trashy, she often LOOKS trashy. But I gave this to Robyn. (Also, “Show Me Love” was my jam back in the day.)

  26. robabeau

    these two are at least more on the same Fug-scale than some of the other matchups. I went with Robyn simply because of the shoes. Jessica, how did you NOT notice the shoes before?!?!?!?! I mean, I know there’s a lot going on, but…

  27. bellj

    Charo bracket historically produces champions. Robyn – EPIC fug can not be denied!

  28. Sandra

    Rihanna’s fug has greater breadth and variability. They both look ridiculous, but Rihanna more so.

  29. Andrew S.

    I say Robyn as while Rihanna has had plenty of eye glaring she occasionally looks really nice and I have never in the past 2-3 years been able to say that Robyn has ever styled herself in a way that could be described as ‘pretty’

  30. Sajorina

    I asked my 7 year old niece for her opinion after watching the slideshow… I asked her “What do you think about Rihanna?” and she answered “Horrible!” Then, I asked her “What do you think about Robyn?” and she answered “Even more horrible!” And, I agree!!! Robyn gets our vote!

  31. Kathleen F.

    I LOVE RiRi’s style of fug and have picked her to win it all in the past, but I think that in Robyn she may have met her match. Robyn’s fug is delightful and wacky but also SO VERY AWKWARD, beautifully straddling the divide between “deliberate over-the-top fug” and “tragic bad taste fug.” I have V.Hudge to take the title this year, but she could be serious competition.

  32. Scanderoon

    I actually don’t care which of these two wins, as I have a newfound love for Robyn. She looks so happy to have crotch-highlighting retina-searing terribly-printed leggings on!

    • Katharine

      Robyn’s fug is kind of clueless, but she does looks happy about it … this is SINCERE fug. Heather’s distinguishing criteria for SJP’s fug is useful for deciding who to vote for.

  33. NYCGirl

    Skanky Fug is worse than…well, whatever you want to call Robyn’s aesthetic.

  34. Ro

    Robyn, hands down.

    Reason 1: Robyn is ten years older than Rihanna, and has had more time on this earth to ditch the fug.

    Reason 2: No matter how bad the clothes are Rihanna nearly always has decent shoes. Robyn’s shoes are almost universally awful – and even when funky are on the remedial side of funky.

    Reason 3: It’s personal, a vote in memorium. Fifteen years ago I had a friend who dressed like Robyn does now. I have inherited some of the shoes to remind me (sadly no photographs). At the time, I was often embarrassed to be seen with her in public, but now I realise she was actually Fug Forward.

  35. Diana

    Knew before I even looked at the slideshow. Robyn’s shoes are the most memorably ugly things I have seen in months. Nothing competes with them.

  36. TonyG

    I though Rihanna was going to go all the way, but even I voted for Robyn.

  37. yeahandalso

    Robyn = Good fug, she’s fun and amazing and dresses crazeballs. She’s like a Swinton or a Solange and her fug should be cherished and celebrated.

    Rhianna = is just sort of throwing all sorts of slutty fug at the wall and seeing what sticks. Calling her fugly is a punishment.