Fug Madness 2012, Round Two: Cher Bracket, Part I

(9) THE OLSEN TWINS vs. (16) KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN

Much as the last round revealed undiscovered similarities between Kourtney and Katy Perry, so does this one show that she’s not — sartorially — that far of a crow’s flight from Les Deux Olsens either.

Check it: Kourtney Kaftandashian…

… and Ashley and Muumuu-Kate:

Kaftandashian…

… Muumuu-Kate:

Kaftandashian:

Muumuu-Kate:

That thing is like a weird hybrid of a housecoat and a tracksuit. Not that Ashley should get off scot-free for any of this, by the way. I just don’t have good puns for her. Wrapshley Olsen doesn’t have a great ring to it. Neither did her Met Ball outfit:

Wenchsley Olsen might be better. And Mary-Kate togged up on the same night as her sidekick who’s a dab hand with a crystal ball and some incense.

Kourtney will probably never go to the Met Ball, unless for some reason Marc Jacobs writes on a cocktail napkin, “Merge company with Kardashian Kollection,” and laughed himself into a coma before he could blur it with a spilled drink. Or she sneaks in as a cater waiter. It’s as well; girlfriend does not have a knack for, well, you know. Stuff. Like this dressing thing. The proportions on this are just terrible. This, I can’t even. And this photo makes me laugh so hard — at, not with — that I almost start to like her.

It’s like she’s never met a bad idea she won’t embrace. The same could probably be said for Kim, actually, and not just in matters of the wardrobe.

(4) MILEY CYRUS vs. (12) CHLOE SEVIGNY 

I’ve decided Miley and Chloe are really missing something by not being best friends. Think about it. The girl who wore this…

… would clearly enjoy discussing the thrills of potential G-spot exposure with this person:

And this girl…

… is clearly a little bit country and a lot bit into layering, so she’d have much to talk about with this person:

If you’re in ripped tights, cutoffs, and a mesh shirt, then WHAT IS THE GIANT SCARF IN AID OF, THEN? Can it really be THAT COLD? Chloe probably knows the answer.

Anyone who would willingly don this, and who also wore something dark and see-through on another occasion, might have absolutely ZERO to say to this girl, BUT…

… would probably enjoy this person immensely, on account of the inanity of the pageantry (in fact, this entire concert was something to behold).

And obviously any person who would do this to her crotch…

… would be at least a LITTLE bit interested in borrowing these pants:

They also both have an incredibly checkered hair history (Chloe, Miley) and deeply questionable tactics when it comes to deploying patterns (Chloe’s leopard thing Jessica unearthed in Round One, and Miley’s VMAs gown). Chloe & Miley could be the next new sitcom, like twee Kate & Allie plus icky 2 Broke Girls divided by The New Girl and with a weird twist of Girl, Interrupted, because of how insane they will make each other. It can premiere after Cee Lo vs. LiLo. Why is it that Fug Madness always gives me a list of TV show ideas that will never happen, but ought to? The universe really should consult me.