Fug Madness 2012, Round One: Cher Bracket, Part II



Oscar nominee vs Oscar nominee!

Rooney really, really pounded the pavement for Girl With the Blunt-Cut Bangs.  I mean, seriously, take a stroll through her archives.  When everyone else was out Christmas shopping, she was all over the world doing this:

And this:

(Although I actually didn’t hate that, y’all’s feelings were mixed. As they also were about this, and this. ) No one’s feelings were particularly mixed about THIS, though:

Say it with me: YIKES.  Sure, it wasn’t ALL bad — Mara had some hits, too, and she’s definitely got a well-honed personal style, which at least means she’s THINKING about it — but when things went downhill, they rolled like an avalanche:

Are we sure that’s not Daniel Radcliffe in the midst of a detailed social experiment? And it all, of course, culminated in her Droopy Oscar Gown, which, as I said at the time, felt like the Platonic Ideal of Everything We Expect From Rooney Mara. Regardless of what happens here, I hope she has a long and illustrious career and that she looks crazy nearly the entire time.

Speaking of Platonic Ideals, as well as people whom I suspect might be somewhat crazy:

I love that picture. Every single civilian in that photo is using it as his or her Facebook profile pic right now. What I don’t love is how beige Brad is. He looks like he’s dressed to do some surveillance work leaning against the wall of a Taco Bell.  Although I wish he’s turned to the dude behind him and said, “WE’RE ALMOST TWINS. Why aren’t you more monocromatic, dude?”

Sadly, Brad and Ang spent a LOT of time this year looking BLAAAAAAAAND:

Snooze. Especially her. His cane adds interest, because I can imagine that he’s got a rapier secreted inside it, in case a duel breaks out.

In fairness, though, when they WEREN’T bland, they were kind of hilarious, secretly. Obviously, we’ll never forget The Leg. And this is so well coordinated, it actually makes me laugh:

I hope they got home and traded outfits, just for laughs (I must give them props for how will their respective Navy Ensemble fits). On the other hand, THIS is not bland at all, and it is definitely laughable:

I don’t know who that guy is, but he’s a scream and I want to subscribe to his newsletter. I mean, he’s just f’ing with us now, right? That hair? Those glasses? That attitude?

Don’t believe me? THIS PROVES IT:

Nothing says, “I’m just screwing with you guys” like transforming yourself into a Val Kilmer impersonator but posing in front of a GIANT PHOTOGRAPH of yourself in full-on Hot Mode. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME, BRAD? Respect the hotness! It respects you! (PS: I thought you were really great in Moneyball and you kinda got robbed this year.)

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And a tip of the hat to YOU, Ms Hudgens. You came to PLAY this March. To wit:

Not to mention:

(Hi, Austin Butler! You’re kind of great on Switched at Birth. Also, your poker face in the, er, face of some of your girlfriend’s ensembles is powerful.)

And, proving that she doesn’t just fug it up in her personal life:


In fact, V Hudg’s red carpet appearances were routinely on the wack side. But let’s get real. Was ANYTHING anything as wack as this was?

I. Can’t. Even.

Neither can Lucy Hale. She’s turned her back.

All the better to show us how very, very butt-crack-adjacent that dress is.

This one, on the other hand, is more about one thigh- and one shoulder-adjacent, making it basically the dress version of a two-piece KFC meal, this being the second KFC-reference I’ve made on GFY on three days. Am I just really, really hungry?

Speaking of food, this is kind of like a cupcake-liner:

And here, it’s like her feet are tied up like little boxes of candy:

Shoot. I AM hungry. While I go get a snack….

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I was about to say, “you’d never see THESE two in the same room,” and then I remembered that ANTM and Dawson’s Creek were on the same network and therefore hopefully they used to hang out at promo shoots, TyTy teaching Michelle how best to smize, and Michelle telling Tyra about all the good sandwich places in Wilmington.  Oh, Tyra. We tease because we love. Look at how you decided to promote your YA novel, Modelland, which is…quite a book:

This was also during the period that Tyra was attending Harvard Business School, and decided this meant she needed to wear Sexy Business Wear all over the place. That was fun. Speaking of suits:

At least she looked happy?

Tyra, for her part, ALWAYS looks happy:

That vest is like the unholy union of The Gap and a straitjacket, and yet her face looks fantastic. At least she ALWAYS has her face. I once watched a whole episode of her talk show focused on someone’s fear of pickles, and another one about a girl with one really big leg, and Tyra’s face always looked great throughout.

And Michelle always has her cute hair, even when she’s wearing what one of our readers so wisely called Care Bear Couture:

HER DRESS. IS CRYING. That’s too on the nose, Michelle.

Speaking of subtlety in clothing:

They did NOT cover that at Harvard Business School.

And Marilyn Monroe School didn’t, apparently, get around to teaching Michelle that headbands are best deployed on Blair Waldorf circa 2009:

I liked that dress, but the headband makes me a little stabby. (I also enjoy that post, given that I wrote it back when we thought Michelle was the front-runner for the Oscar, before Viola took over, and Meryl then won. MADNESS!)




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I was about to declare this a model-off, then I remembered that SWINTON is not a model. Just a tall drink of awesome.

Poor Heidi:

Happier days, although not for your thighs, girl. That union suit is friend to no woman, not even a supermodel. Also unfriendly:

Is the beige a theme? Because I’m not loving it. (In fact, Klum also sported a beige at the Globes, although I think that one was much less of a disaster.)

SWINTON also tended toward the monochrome this year. White on white:

And yet more white:

AND she wore white to the BAFTAs AND to the SAGs. Maybe SWINTON is secretly a ghost? Or the head priestess for some kind of obscure but very chic religious order.

That being said, there’s something to be said for her elegance, regardless of its wackiness. For example, can you imagine her ever showing up wearing something like this?

I mean, I would die. Nor can I imagine her wearing a huge sea anemone:

Actually, maybe I CAN see that one. After all, she did go out in her bathrobe:

Sea creatures may not be entirely off the table.

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Comments (63):

  1. ML

    Awwww… Hudge borrowed Katie’s Littlest Hobo outfit from the Charo bracket.

  2. Softwear

    You guys, sorry, but there is something more important than fashion right now because GEORGE CLOONEY GOT ARRESTED DURING A PROTEST!!!! I really wish he could reconcile this cool, awesome, badass George with well…you know. But anyway, guess who else got arrested yes Martin Luther King III!!!! And Intern George’s father and some other people. Seriously, for shame. For shame. These people are just trying to bring attention to the Sudanese crisis. Anyway, I have more respect for Intern George now, is all I’m saying.

    • Jessica

      Shallowly, he also looked kind of hot in Scruffy Protestor Mode.

      • christine christine

        OMG yes.

      • Dana

        Yes! This is the George I fell in love with. I think if there was more of the humanitarian side of him showing and less of the Keibler, he would have had a better Oscar campaign.

    • neiges

      Oh! I did not know that! Good for George’s hotness! I mean, not that he is in prison but that he is fighting for causes. Hot.

  3. bristlesage

    Rooney Mara gets a crapton of credit with me for trying something interesting, and pulling it off a lot more often than other people would, so hey, that’s a vote for Boring Brangelina.

    I think it’s a real shame that Lucy Hale drew the Hudge, because Hale could make a run against a lesser competitor. But those beigey lace pants are the equivalent of good post play in the basketball tournament–basically, unovercomeable.

    • Louise

      Agreed, I think Rooney is picking really interesting dresses. Maybe they could use a nip/tuck but I haven’t seen many I wouldn’t love to have in my wardrobe.
      Angelina looks fine most of the time but Brad is earning the Branges a vote from me…

      • yeahandalso

        I think the problem with Rooney is that the clothes are wearing her and not the other way around, also she always has terrible styling. She’s a pretty girl with the figure to pull off high fashion looks, but she doesn’t take the time to do it right.

  4. Christian

    I really wanted to vote for Rooney, but damn Brad Pitt did a lot to fight the hot this year. I *expect* boring bland caftans from Angelina. Brad on the other hand clearly needs to lay off the weed and take three showers.

  5. Ghanimatrix

    That last pic of Brad makes me think maybe he’s making a Kurt Cobain biopic. Slap an ugly cardigan on and he’s got the look nailed.

  6. Emily

    ANTM and Dawson’s Creek were not on the same network. In the pre-CW days, ANTM was on UPN and Dawson’s was on The WB. Dawson’s was off the air for a few years before the two merged into a delightful network of shows aged at teenagers that I still watch despite not being in their demo.

    • China

      I’m not in the demo either, but it’s pretty much my favorite channel. And I’m pretty sure we’re not alone in this.

    • yeahandalso

      LOL I was gunna say the same thing. ANTM and Buffy came close because Buffy ended on UPN just a few months before ANTM premiered….why did I know this?

  7. Lisa

    I get that Angelina thinks she has more important things on her mind than putting together awards-show outfits. But she can certainly afford to hire a stylist to facilitate things and perhaps a stylist would provide her with more interesting footwear. Angelina wears the most boring shoes EVER.

  8. Amber

    Brangelina because, like others said, why is Brad trying so hard to hide the hot? I mean, really.
    Vanessa on those pants alone.
    I voted Michelle Williams because at least Tyra is having fun and she’s TYRA, for crying out loud. Michelle tries to be so fashion-forward, and fails.
    And Heidi, because a) she’s Heidi Klum but somehow dresses to hide that fact and b) SWINTON is, of course, not really fug. She always looks elegant, even in the bathrode and some of the other wackadoo stuff she wears.

    • Chasmosaur

      I seriously think Brad Pitt is messing with the entertainment media. Or he’s so fed up with the way they scrutinize his life he’s just not going to clean up for them.

      • Christian

        Or he took a page from the Depp book of “dressing like a raggedy beach hobo means I’m a serious ahhhtist”.

  9. Eliza Bennett

    I can’t get over genuinely loving la SWINTON. I wish I could go back to thinking objectively about her outfit by outfit but I can’t. I love her too much. She could wear Gaga’s meat dress and I’d be fine with it.

    • Sue

      I’m with Eliza on this one – I give the SWINTON a pass on everything because she makes it work and I love her for it.

      • Geemeedee

        Not only does SWINTON get a pass because she’s SWINTON, but to my surprise I found that I couldn’t vote for her because I actually liked many of the things she was wearing. I … don’t know how I feel about that.

  10. Darren

    Rooney Mara. I know the hair was for a role or whatever, so she was already at a loss butI just HATED every look she put together. The way I feel about her style is the same way I feel about that book (I hate that book). Brangelina is just kind of “feh.”

    Hudgens v. Hale is no contest. I think Hale is pulling of cute starlet pretty well, in fact. Hudgens needs to burn everything in her closet.

    Williams gets it right often enough and I generally like her style (I think the care bear dress is adorable). Tyra looks like a mess in general. Modelland, literally made no sense AND SHE WROTE HERSELF AS TWO SEPARATE CHARACTERS!!!

    SWINTON v. Klum begs the age old question if we are rewarding or chastising with our votes. So far I’ve done the latter so I vote for Klum.

    • Chasmosaur

      The thing about Rooney Mara’s hair that killed me was it wasn’t like she was still filming. She could totally have gone back to her natural hair color or worn a nice wig that was more like her natural color, which I think is far more flattering to her skin. (I do concede the cut and color makes her outrageously pretty eyes pop even more, though). She’s not even in preproduction for the sequels now, because they’re still in development hell.

      As for the clothes, she could have done the a similar type of edgy/rocker thing that KStew does (I still covet this dress – http://gofugyourself.com/wp_stewart_061810-06-2010 ), kept a Girl vibe and not made me want to shake her and say “You’re rich, gorgeous and talented. WHY are you doing this?”

  11. ChristieLea

    Why does it look like the Hudge’s outfits all came from 1994? Is she wearing all the outfits she saw the big kids wearing when she was growing up, and vowed she’d wear them too when she got big because they were So All That?

  12. Sandra

    Klum/SWINTON: Klum, and not just because I fear that SWINTON would send robot assassins to sort me out. When she goes off the rails she looks full on crazy. When Heidi does it she just looks blah. Crazy is better than blah, so SWINTON wafts off into the heather and Heidi goes on to the next round.

    Williams/Banks: Banks. She’s been in the fashion industry since she was all alone in Paris at the age of seventeen. She should have learned something by now.

    Hudgens/Hale: Hate the clothes on both of them. Don’t know anything else about either of them. Abstained.

    Mara/Brangelina: Mara. For high crimes against the color wheel.

  13. Kiti

    I can’t believe that Rooney Mara is winning in her bracket. Yes, she tried too hard to be edgy, but Brangelina (or rather, Blandelina) won my vote on the sheer strength of Brad’s follicular horror. His Eurotrash-adjacent outfits and his plus-one’s self-important boredom were just icing on the cake. Unlike many females of my generation, I’ve never found Brad Pitt to be terribly attractive, but in the past, he has looked at least clean, sane, and respectable. Also, does Angelina often get her makeup done by someone who hates her? She looks like either Morticia or a drag queen most of the time. WHY would she purposely do that to a face like hers?!

    • Stella

      @Kiti TOTALLY agree – Rooney wears some out-there stuff, but she’s always interesting, and looks like she’s interested in fasion (even if I would never wear any of that stuff). Brad and Angelina are obviaslkjzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
      oh sorry I fell asleep. Angie seems smug and bored with the whole thing. Honey, you’re in the entertainment industry – people are going to want to take your picture. Put on something other than a colorless caftan, hire a stylist, and wipe that bitchface off for 10 minutes.

      • Stella

        ^ AH I meant interested in *fashion* derp.

      • Kiti

        @Stella – Yes, exactly! WHAT about Ms. Jolie’s life is so horrible and draining that she feels the need to wear both Morticia bitchface and sartorial ennui? She needs to get over herself.

  14. jen310

    Tyra and Vanessa are wacked-out, cracked-out fug – pretty faces, sartorial hot messes. Glad they are dominating.
    Brangie and Michelle Williams are just boring, which is fine, but they do not deserve to advance. Bland fug is too weak to compete. BTW, Brad, you’re hot; stop fighting it., let it win.
    SWINTON is much too glorious to be wear the fug crown. No one else does elegant fug like her and she must be celebrated not made to win a competition where fugged-up fugly is king. Heidi wore some truly heinous crap this year. Via con dios, Heidi.

  15. Laura E.

    I think Vanessa Hudgens has what it takes to win FM.

    • Annie E

      Meeeeeee too. Hard for me to think of anyone who can truly compete with her body of work.

  16. Hel

    Mara because she wore some ugly stuff while for Angelina, it’s just meh.
    Hudgens/Hale was hard because of Hale’s shoes which I hated but I don’t know where Hudgens find her clothes, I can’t believe anyone would sell this stuff. So Hudgens.
    I don’t like most of what Williams wear but too much jumpsuit from Tyra so Tyra.
    Klum because though SWINTON had some misses, she has her own style and it looks generally good on her.

  17. Willow

    Team THE HUDGE!

    Michelle’s dull didn’t stand a snowball’s chance in Hell of beating Tyra’s jumpsuits, of which too many were featured here!

    Rooney Mara, who is both the Anti-Michelle and somehow possibly the same person as Michelle. Different sides of the fashion table, however both are kind of a snoozefest.

    Heidi over SWINTON because in all honesty, Swinton was probably one of the best dressed this entire year.

  18. Calla

    Michelle Williams vs Tyra was very difficult for me and I can’t believe they aren’t neck-in-neck! After some agonizing I voted for Michelle, because Tyra’s offenses were funnier and Michelle’s seemed serious, and seriousness doesn’t really compute with Care Bear Couture for me. If you’re going to show up someplace in that giant pink gown that looked to be growing fur, you need to balance it out with a smile.

  19. Calla

    Also, Brad’s fug reigns supreme over Rooney’s any day of the week, but some of Angelina’s ensembles were really pretty nice, and that muddied things for me considerably. If she continues to dress mostly decently and he continues to look increasingly oily and ridiculous, I suggest that they be separated in Fug Madness 2013. (And imagine if there was a Brad/Angie showdown!)

  20. Leah

    Swinton has huge feet. Why have I never noticed before?

  21. Michael Wampler

    By the time I was done looking at Vanessa Hudgens’ photos, EVERYTHING Lucy Hale wore looked Well Played.

  22. LG

    Oh GOD SO CONFLICTED about SWINTON. I love her. I hope she never changes. I think her style is insane in THE BEST POSSIBLE WAY. And YET, a Fug Madness Final Four WITHOUT HER is UNTHINKABLE. IT IS MAKING ME SO CAPSY.

  23. Halo

    What is it with former models and horrific jumpsuits? Tyra and Heidi win just on their affinity for those figure-hating beasts! I hate to say it, but at least Tyra looks halfway (HALFWAY, I said) decent in hers, whereas Heidi looks like she has a full diaper going on under there.

  24. christine christine

    I’m starting to think that Brangelina should have separate entries. Brad really dragged Angie down this year! He’s the ball and chain of the relationship in my opinion.

    I had a really hard time with SWINTON v Klum. Is anyone else in this boat? I have come to worship SWINTON’s style, I don’t even think she’s Fug any more. And yet, she’s the queen of this site, so I felt I should vote for her. It was for me a deep moral dilemma but not as bad as the old “which goldfish do I save from the fire and which goldfish do I leave behind to boil” tragedy.

  25. dianalily

    Most fug I recoil from in horror, shriek at, or, at the very least, force myself to stifle a groan.

    SWINTON, however, has charmed my cold, bitter heart. I feel like she should be awarded a star on the Wall of Fug Honor and never be allowed to compete against such mere mortals as everyone else in the world. Because, no matter how truly, truly fug her ensemble, she is SWINTON.

    And I very much would like to have a tea party with her.

  26. ummDuh

    Swinton RULES. duh.

  27. camille

    I had to try to explain that SWINTON must be referred to as such, caps implied, when she was on the Daily Show. I’m not sure my husband understood. I don’t care.

    Also, I just – JUST – realized that Tilda is short for Matilda. I realized this because a friend’s dog is named Matilda and they call her Tilda occasionally. No kidding.

  28. PeggyO

    It is one of the great joys of the Fug nation that Swinton has gone from being our poster girl to our mascot of awesomeness.

  29. mary lou bethune

    Swinton, meet your apprentice- Rooney. They are both oddly lovely, so talented, with wit and a sense of absurd… they are not fug, they are fab!

  30. The Other Molly

    I totally don’t get the Michelle Williams love.
    Any more than I get the Olivia Wilde love.
    But it looks like this year’s competition has already gone to hell in a handbasket because
    *Prepares for the end of days*

  31. Adriana

    I want La Hudgens to sweep through this year’s bracket and emerge like Solange: cool, tasteful, and yet kooky enough to remind us of her fugtastic period.

  32. Sam

    I have to confess… that I really liked Heidi’s crazy sea-creature dress!!!

  33. gin_in_teacups

    I know some of Mara Rooney’s clothes are crazeballs, but at least she’s interesting. The dullness of Brad and Angelina is just so infuriating. Looking at their archives is making me hate them. And I just watched Fight Club, which is one of my favorite movies ever, and in which Brad Pitt is so incredible, but even that can’t compensate for the fuggery.

  34. Kathleen F.

    SWINTON vs. Klum is one of the most difficult first-round matches in recent memory! Heidi Klum has one of those bodies where people must say all the time about her, “oh, she’s so gorgeous she’d look good in ANYTHING” and she appears to have taken that as a personal challenge. And SWINTON is just classically Fug, except in the good way where you want to vote for her for everything including President in the hopes that she’ll wear a caftan of a thousand subtly different neutral hues to the inauguration. In the end, I just couldn’t bear SWINTON going out in the first round, so I voted for her.

    V.Hudge is my pick to win the whole thing.

  35. belljargirl

    Voters are disrespecting SWINTON. I will demand a recount.

    • sophia

      i will weep to see katherine mathilda SWINTON exit so early. (does charo really need her own bracket? can SWINTON be elevated to icon status with her own bracket? seems like it’s time)

  36. yeahandalso

    I feel like most of what Rooney wears isn’t actually that bad, but her styling is always awful…I know the hair isn’t totally her fault, but it can be styled better, her make-up is always insane and her stuff never fits. But picture Mila Kunis is any of her dresses and they usually work in my mind.

    V. Hud all the way!!!!!!!!!

  37. Leelee

    I cannot BELIEVE Michelle ‘Sad Sack Ceiling Eyes’ Williams is getting a pass. She wore a dress that was crying for goodness sake!

  38. yeahandalso

    I completely, genuinely think Swinton looked good most of the year, not “good for her” not “good crazy” but just classy, understated and age appropriate. Meryl looked more cracked out that Swinton this year

  39. vandalfan

    Mara just seems like a rich snot. She moves up.

    Hale moves on account of the footwear.

    Tyra can make that stuff work, Michele can make workable stuff horrid. The scale tips to Michelle.

    Klum just can’t do it like SWINTON.

  40. alo

    i never noticed this before but SWINTON has incredibly bad taste in shoes. everything else is a winner or atleast out there and her style. but can she not get a cute pair of shoes???

  41. Glenn

    Heidi Klum simply because she should know better than to show up to a Project Runway show wearing an outfit that Michael Kors would say makes him question Heidi’s taste levels.

  42. Sharon

    I never thought anyone could get the best of SWINTON so soon, but Heidi, you got my vote.

  43. 麗林

    I couldn’t vote.

  44. Sajorina

    I fell asleep while voting on this bracket… Now, 7 hours later, my votes went to Brangelina, Vanessa Hudgens, Tyra Banks and Heidi Klum!