Fug Kisses

OH GIRL. You have a seventy-billion dollar fashion empire. Did NO ONE ever tell you that if you’re wearing something roomy on the bottom, to wear something fitted on top, and vice-versa? THAT’S LIKE REMEDIAL FASHION 101. Are you TRYING to get summer school?

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Comments (48):

  1. Kit Lang

    She is just so…. you know, the definitive version of “bad at fashion” the last year or so it’s mind-boggling. She needs to stick to her shoes and purses and never, ever, dress herself on any single occasion.


  2. LoriK

    She is yet another person in need of a much better bra.

    I can not think of another celebrity who doesn’t have a drug or alcohol problem (as far as I know) and is in more desperate need of a Get A Grip Girlfriend. It’s sad.

  3. Mongerel

    Oh! That is very…jumbo.

  4. LC

    This is why I refuse to buy ANY of her stuff.

  5. Holly

    I think she’s *trying* to start some bun-in-the-oven rumours!
    As a side note, I saw some of her clothing line on sale at the Bay and it included a romper/overall hybrid with a STITCHED IN t-shirt underneath!! I thought we stopped stitching our t-shirts under our rompers in grade 1?

  6. Geemee

    No kidding on the better bra. Her boobs are almost in her armpits. And she should swap out the maxi dress for skinny jeans, because I’m afraid the dress on its own would wash her out.

    Also: how much stuff does she require that she has to carry luggage as a purse?

  7. Katie

    Picture it on an Olsen.

  8. AllieB

    Like, why? Anyone with eyes knows that short and curvy people need not swaddle themselves in long and baggy attire…there’s comfort, and then there’s straight slovenly.

    Jessica: no.

    And that romper + tshirt (I thought rompers were already a hybrid??) is going to give me nightmares…

  9. currygirl

    Actually, I have to thank J. Simp. She’s really helped me figure out what NOT to wear. I used to carry around gigantic purses until I saw her do the same and realized that curvy, short women should not do such things. So, thanks!

  10. snuffy

    Seriously you guys, what happened to her tits? They look like mine when I’m lying on my back :/

  11. The Other Molly

    It’s very clear to me that her goal is to be a serious contender in Fug Madness 2012.

  12. ShopGirl33

    OH COME ON! It’s not like 90% of her “fashion” line isn’t just as fugly and trashy as what she wears most of the time. I mean, there’s a difference between people who are obviously trying to get attention – and the idiots who just haven’t the faintest clue of how NOT to dress like a hobo. Not only does this outfit not come as a surprise from the Simpson Bubblehead, it’s not even close to being the worst outfit she’s ever worn – she’s a constant fashion train wreck.

  13. Kary

    OMG, her boobs. Someone get her a bra that fits, STAT.

    Also – she always carries enormous purses. WHY? What is she carrying in these purses? I like a big bag, myself, but even so – sometimes, I’ll just grab my wallet and my cell phone and head out. JSimp NEVER seems to do that, which makes me wonder — WTF is in there?!!?

  14. Vi

    Bless her heart, she is such a mess. I wish she would just marry whathisname already, go have some babies, and just fade away so she can stop embarassing herself. I mean, I love the girl. She’s as cute as a button and such a sweetheart but she’s just a mess. She needs better girlfriends because clearly the ones she has aren’t up to the task of helping her get it together.

  15. Daffodil

    The low ponytail, the dangly earrings, the long necklace, the drapey sweater, the heavy suitcase-purse, the floor-length skirt, the pendulous boobs — it’s like JSimp is campaigning to land a gig as gravity’s spokesperson.

  16. Another Molly

    Her boobs are mimicking her sunglasses, each half flinging itself away from the center.

  17. melissa

    Oh dear. She looks like a shapeless, billowy whale.

  18. Jessie

    2 words: baby bump

  19. Tessa

    @LoriK –> I think you mean she needs to invest in A BRA.

    Two thoughts on this look:
    1) I think she must be living the tenants of the Secret and envisioning herself a much tighter body. I mean, if Kate Moss showed up in this we’d all think “poor Kate had a rough night last night but wow does that blanket look attractive on her”
    2) Maybe she’s channeling her “artist”. She decided that her body is art and as such she must make herself a walking, talking, gum chewing statement. She titled this piece “sag”.

  20. Danielle

    She is only worth 70 MILLION, not Billion, fortunately.

  21. Candy

    I know this is a blog all about celebrity fashion. I also realize that this outfit looks horrible. BUT, sometimes I think “what if someone judged what I wore to 7-11 last night to get queso dip?”. Cuz I wore grey yoga pants that are too short, brown flip flops, a tank in the ugliest color of pink possible, no bra (although my boobs are only slightly smaller than JSimp’s, no make-up and my hair in a very sloppy ponytail. If I was a celeb, would I have changed clothes to sneak out for a midnight snack? I guess I’d have to. My point is… can’t celebs where something comfy but unflattering to run out every once in a while? This outfit looks super comfy to me.

  22. Melody

    Is that her fiance’ with her? Cause those two people don’t even act like they LIKE each other, much less love.

  23. Lindy

    Candy–If she were wearing ratty jeans, a T-shirt that actually fit, a bra that held up the girls with no makeup and messy hair, no one would be talking about what she was wearing. I agree that I would hate to have people dissecting what I wore daily, but this is just all kinds of bad. It’s almost like she TRIES to look horrible!

  24. Jamie

    Candy–I totally get what you’re saying, but Lindy is right. She could be running to McDonalds or something, right? I often wear my little nightie with a sweater over it to walk my dog on a lazy Saturday, but at least I KNOW I look like crap. The problem here is SHE THINKS SHE LOOKS GOOD. You obviously have to put in some effort to put together an outfit like this. She’s wearing a bra (a dreadful one at that, but a bra), jewelry, obviously some kind of heel/platform, and her hair looks done. Big titted girls like here cannot wear a top like that. It looks like a tent. The print on the bottom (skirt? dress?) looks pretty though. Her fashion line is HIDEOUS, but I can’t blame a girl for making cute, affordable shoes for us short ones out there…we need them!

  25. duffy

    I shouldn’t let this bother me as much as it does, but I seriously wish she’d just come out and announce that she’s pregnant. Because seriously. Remember when they first got engaged and she was going to see Tracey Anderson? Why have we not seen ANY Tracey Anderson shots in ages? For a while I was thinking to myself “well her fiance is vegan, so maybe she’s just bloated from eating all that seitan and wheat germ and garbanzo bean paste.” But I mean come on. Get a colonic already and just get over it.

    So she has to be pregnant.

  26. TonyG

    @Daffodil Your “gravity spokesman” comment made me cackle!

  27. Candy

    Can you imagine how enormous her boobs would get if she is pregnant?

  28. MiWo

    I think she looks cute and comfortable. There! I said it and I’d say it again! Let the mockery commence.

  29. Kimberli

    I am all for being comfortable, but this is not even close to attractive. She looks like she’s 350 pounds. If she were, then fine. But she’s not! She is really pretty. She’s got a great body. Why do cute girls where stuff that makes them look fat?

  30. Kimberli

    Oh God, a typo! And now I’m sad.

  31. marie

    seriously you guys, you have to see the shoes under the mess!! go to laineygossip.com..it’s all there in its hideous stripper glory

  32. witjunkie

    I think it looks OK. I feel bad for her because she’s going to look big on top no matter what she wears. Maybe she threw the top on because the dress was a little boobilicious without it. I wish I could see the whole thing, it looks pretty.

  33. Lina

    I like the drape of the skirt. I love me a nice, flowy skirt, since I can’t do minis, and while I’m not sure of the pattern here, the cut is working for me. Now, don’t get me wrong, nothing else here is working for me, but I felt a need to say a word in defense of the skirt itself.

    Also, why is EVERY GUY wearing blue and white plaid shirts this summer? It’s like 1992 again, except limited to this one color combo.

  34. yeahandalso

    when I sold shoes at Macy’s we always called the Jessica Simpson line “future returns” because they were so cheap and poorly made the heals would break all the time.

    It is weird that her stuff is still successful, isn’t the point of a celebrity “designer” that the person is actually a celebrity and has somewhat aspirational style?

  35. Noire

    I would mind this whole disaster that is JSimp a lot less if she didnt have a “fashion empire.” Which, to echo a lot of commenters, I will never buy a single item from because I dont want JSimp to think that I agree with ANY of her fashion choices.

  36. Karen Blum

    she’s hiding a pregnancy!

  37. JayBee

    Lol! Before I scrolled down to the description I sighed to myself: “Oh, girl.” We’re on the same wavelength, Fug Girls :P

  38. What's The New Black

    Terrible. TERRIBLE. I can’t even decide which part of her outfit is the worst one, because there are SO many bad pieces here..


  39. Emily

    It’s even more sad considering how gorgeous Gwen Stefani looked wearing that dress in Cannes.

  40. mkbruin

    Agree with all previous notes regarding baby bump, this however is possibly the ugliest baby bump camouflage I’ve ever encountered.


  41. Tracy L

    Noire hit it on the head–J Simp makes shitloads of cash from her clothes line, and yet dresses like this. No excuse. The shirt could NEVER look good on her as it’s way too loose and unstructured. The skirt could look great with some sort of fitted (not skin tight) top.
    Can I please nominate J SIMP for ‘What Not to Wear?” Anyone who has seen that show more than twice know the very simple rules and could put together an outfit better than her.

  42. BAH

    @Daffodil: “gravity’s spokesperson,” you cracked me up!!

  43. Sajorina

    This is more prove that she needs to be committed against her will!

  44. Kristen

    I get that she probably was having one of those days that every girl has, where you look in the mirror and realize that that two weeks of saying “yes” to dessert did, in fact, catch up with you. And so she went for baggy, baggy, floppy.

    But even if you took away some of the baggy // floppy, these piece are still really bad. The sweatshirt looks like something that got all caught up around the middle part of the washer, and will never be right again.

  45. Anon

    with every outfit she wears these days, it feels like she’s given up. She’s not going to try, she’ll just add high heels to whatever sloppy mess she on.

  46. unbounded

    Am I the only one who thinks this is just a prelude to an US magazine cover story about J.Simp’s dramatic weight loss before her wedding? Because the “after” pictures look so much better when the “before” pictures resemble something this.

  47. vandalfan

    I lay around like that on Sunday mornings, but at least I put on a bra if I’m so much as going out to move the sprinkler.

  48. Robertina

    Have she ever heard of a BRA?!!! at leas wear a bra for god’s sake!!!!!!!!