Welcome to Cezar of Romania. He may change your life. In a year when Eurovision felt low on enduringly pointless theatrics (no, I’m not talking about you, Random Viking; you were a beautiful mystery), the likes of Romania and Montenegro and, for ten glorious seconds, Ukraine, stepped up and tried to keep things saucy. I know the slideshow is long, but frankly, it SHOULD be longer. In a perfect world, all twenty-six acts would have so much insanity that I’d need four pictures per country to ably cover the madness. Come on, 2014. I know you can get us there.

In the name of expedience I’ve tried to cover the most obviously noteworthy stuff here; if something slipped through the cracks, please post links in the comments, and we can discuss it while I attempt to repent.

[Photos: Getty, screengrabs]