Freaky Fug Friday: Lady Gaga / Megan McCafferty Edition

Welcome to the return of Freaky Fug Friday! The prize this week is so good, Lady Gaga is DOING A DANCE:

I think I speak for all of us when I say that THIS IS AMAZING. She looks like Eliza Doolittle if My Fair Lady were about insurance adjusters.

THE TASK: It is too hot, and this is a long weekend. It seems mean to make you do too much. And ergo, I am going to be picking winners at random again this week. All I need from you is an opinion, in the comments: If you had to be trapped in an elevator with Lady Gaga, which Lady Gaga persona would you choose? This Gaga? Meat Dress Gaga? Gaga In An Egg? The more recent Jazzercise Gaga? Quick Change VMAs Gaga? Those are just Gaga Iterations off the top of my head; You may choose any Gaga you like.

THE RULES: All entries must be posted in the comments of this post by 9 p.m. Pacific time on TUESDAY. Contest is open to US residents only.

THE PRIZE: This will delight you! Megan McCafferty has a new Jessica Darling book out — and it’s a prequel. It’s called Jessica Darling’s It List: The (Totally Not) Guaranteed Guide to Popularity, Prettiness & Perfection, and it is as charming and delightful and darling as you would hope — all you Jessica Darling/Marcus Flutie fans will, of course, NEED to add it to your collection. Per Amazon:

I hadn’t even gotten to homeroom yet and I’d already discovered five hard truths about junior high:

1. My best friend had turned pretty.
2. She didn’t know it yet.
3. It wouldn’t be long before she did.
4. That knowledge would change everything between us.
5. And there wasn’t a thing I could do about it.

It’s the first day of seventh grade. Is Jessica Darling doomed for dorkdom?

New York Times bestselling author Megan McCafferty’s hilarious new novel will have you laughing, cringing, and cheering for Jessica Darling as she learns that being herself beats being popular, pretty & perfect any day.”

It’s technically for ages ten and up — it’s aimed at younger readers than the original Jessica Darling books — but I think it’s enjoyable for all. Good luck!

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Comments (89):

  1. Kris

    This Gaga, definitely. She looks like a steampunk Rastafarian. If you’ve ever read the “Soulless” series, imagine the character Ivy being played by Lady Gaga – that would be the most hilariously surreal elevator incident ever.

  2. lesliejeannene

    I really think I would want to meet mermaid gaga and talk to her about her feelings on the little mermaid…maybe have a singalong?

  3. linda

    The 2009 VMA Lady Gaga just for the priceless, befuddled look on Eminem’s face caused by her all red lace, face-covering dress.

  4. Dina

    Jazzercise GaGa. We could tone our glutes while waiting for the firemen to rescue us.

  5. greatwhitenorthchick

    Gaga in the egg, definitely. Snapped shut, hermetically sealed, out of sight. ’nuff said

    • Vandalfan

      Gaga who has taken a vow of silence, but only if the elevator has no lights.

  6. Jenny

    Egg Gaga for sure.

  7. luvthefuggers

    From this list, I’ll take anyone of them because I want to see what the heck you talk about to someone who dresses like they are a hoot to be around. I want to see if it’s all that or just mundane convo with someone dressed in apparatus and ego.
    How about the Gaga that used to take the bus from nyc to a town nearby here to record and eat lunch in my local pub? I like THAT Gaga.

  8. Lisa

    I like Poker Face Gaga, because it reminds me of Cartman singing Poker Face on South Park. It was hilarious. It was all downhill after that.

  9. LindenLovesFashion

    “Lady Is A Tramp With Tony Bennett” Gaga because the teal wig and the lace dress are amaaaaazing and so is her talent. Haters, don’t be hatin’…I love her. That is all

  10. Trisha

    Covered in balloons Gaga. Crowded and also fun?

  11. Angelica

    I would like to be with VaJayJay Lady Gaga. We would be birthed when exiting the elevator.

  12. Elizabeth Duncan

    I love Jazzercize Gaga! Though this version is pretty fun too.

  13. A.J.

    My favorite Gaga was the one that wore a lobster on her head.

  14. Ruth

    Jazzercise Gaga. THat one seems fun as opposed to exhausting.

  15. TonyG

    Rainbow ponytail Gaga! She’d be a hoot to hang out with in a leather bar anywhere in gay USA.

  16. Colleen

    Any Gaga, but meat Gaga. Because, who knows how long we’d be trapped, and I’d be fearful of meat Gaga turning into smelly maggot Gaga. ::shudder::

  17. Blair's Head Band

    Totally Bubble Dress Gaga playing the piano with two hands and one foot.

  18. K

    It would totally be SYTYCD guest judge Gaga. She was delightful. And, since I feel like it’s not fair to make this somehow fashion related, I’ll note that, although I don’t much remember her outfit which means I think she stayed pretty conventional/conservative for the gig, I will note that I remember that she had these great red boots with gaga-esque platforms and she threw one of them onstage to celebrate a dance that Melanie Moore and Sasha Mallory did during Season 8. It is apparently some kind of dancer respect thing. And she later gave them the second boot. So, yes, although I could never dance well enough to deserve Gaga tossing a boot at me for any purpose but to make me stop dancing, I would without question choose, SYTYCD judging, boot throwing Gaga.

  19. Ranee Singleton

    Pearl Face Gaga

  20. mandiann

    I like meat dress Gaga if I must be trapped somewhere. With the dress and a a pack of matches you wouldn’t have to worry about going hungry.

  21. Kim

    This Gaga because I’m hoping she’ll let me try on the hat.

  22. Brittany

    Any time she’s in those ridiculous shoes that don’t actually have heels. Because that would be fun to watch on an elevator as it stops on each floor.

  23. Wendy Bauer

    Meat Dress Gaga, in case we are stuck in there a long time and we desperately need food.

  24. Tris

    Trapped in an elevator? I’m going Gaga in an egg. If we’re there for too long the egg can double as a makeshift bathroom.

  25. Sketchy

    I miss stuffed animal Gaga. Yes it was on the ridiculous side, but nipples were covered.

  26. Vex

    Simpsons Gaga, she taught life lessons with a fabulous train.

  27. Minutiae

    I’d go Women’s Prison Gaga from the “Telephone” video, because she’d have some GREAT, juicy stories.

    • Beachlibrarian

      I also vote Prison Gaga because you might need some delicious Diet Coke she used as hair rollers. Practical!

  28. Hannah Zimmerman

    Any Gaga that is actually wearing pants.

  29.  Julie

    I agree – the stuffed animals Gaga. If we were stuck for a long time, maybe she would take some off so we could sit on them.

  30. Monica

    I pick the Lady Gag with a Minnie Mouse bow made of hair perched atop her head. I want one of those bows, but made with fake hair — not my hair, not someone else’s hair — so it doesn’t feel too creepy. Also, I want to have a profession where I’m entitled to wear HAIR hair bows whenever I want.

  31. Sea Monster

    None of the above. Rather, I would choose Still Relevant Gaga Yet to Be Circa 2020: Hair by Steven Tyler’s Three Day Blackout; makeup by that toddler who did Heidi Klum’s face in that beauty concepts video; corset by the same mice that dressed Helena Bonham Carter for the 2011 Oscars, only this time actually made out of Oscars; skirt made of Diddypuff’s 2009 LA Black and White Party, the last party Lil Kim ever attended with components of her own actual face and boobs–just take the whole damn boobtacular spacklefest and turn it into a skirt; And shoes–I don’t know, she can just jam her feet into any old pair of armadillos in the bottom of her closet and it will do nicely, I’m sure. It’s clothing! It’s performance art! It’ll play GREAT in Japan!

    Oh wait: that’s Gaga Present. Never mind. Maybe she’ll just start wearing clothes and not keep diluting her actual talent with ever more contrived ridiculousness–talent which, if her collaboration with Tony Bennett is any indication, is pretty solid. Let it be, Gaga.

  32. Lauren

    Bubble Dress Gaga looks like fun.

  33. asheisele

    Sadly, I put a lot of thought into this question and think I narrowed it down to the quick-change Gaga. Hours of entertainment watching her flip between personas and she seems like the kinda gal who would let me try on all the wigs. This plan will likely backfire when she ends up in her g-string mermaid getup and I’m stuck thinking about my own cellulite and trying to restrain myself from a conversation that begins with me saying, “So, your ass, huh?”

  34. christine christine

    Oh wow. While shuffling my mental rolodex I remembered when Gaga first became A Thing. It was still shocking back then, and every day my work friend and I would email the latest picture of her with the subject line: OMGWTF?!?!?!!

    Good times!

    In honor of those days, I pick Muppets Heads Dress Gaga.

    • scone

      Yes! Kermit-the-Frog dress Gaga is my choice, too! Because it’s entertaining AND it seems like you could nap on it comfortably in the corner of the elevator.

  35. Kate

    Gaga pre-GAGA, which would be the weirdest of them all at this point!

  36. Vanessa V

    I want to be trapped (and have lunch with) the Gaga head on the swan body.

  37. Beth C.

    I want Carol Channing Gaga (it was part of the quick change gaga at VMAs). That way I can pass the time trying to convince her to work out our own two person “Hello Dolly” medely routine while we wait for rescue.

  38. Jen

    I’m stuck somewhere between Lobster Hat Gaga and Deranged Nun Gaga. The deranged nun costume from the Monster Ball Tour has enough fabric to fashion a comfortable throw blanket for anyone trapped in the elevator. The lobster hat b/c lobster hat.

  39. Ellen

    I want to be trapped with the Gaga in that head to toe red lace dress she wore to the VMAs that one year, so I can see how she made it and then make one for myself to wear on the first day of class and scare my students.

  40. Beth C.

    I want Carol Channing Gaga (the blonde bob, blue jacket look from the VMAs) That way I could try to convince her to come up with a two person “Hello Dolly” review with me while we await rescue.

  41. Leah

    Music Video of Telephone Gaga. I have a lot of questions. Namely, when is the buddy road trip comedy starring her and Beyonce coming out?

  42. Kate S

    Is there one where she’s silently (but safely) tucked away inside a nondescript box? If I have to be trapped with Gaga, I’d prefer to be oblivious to that fact.

  43. Jen from cincy

    I’m going to go with spiky silver headdress Gaga, from the 2010 Grammys. We might need to saw our way out of that elevator, and the headdress could come in handy.

  44. jas

    egg gaga

  45. Megan B

    While I’m enjoying this fanciful business version of Linda Perry circa What’s Up…. I’d love to get stuck with Simpsons Gaga & sorta hope to see her cry the tiny diamond tears.

  46. Alexis

    Just not Meat Gaga. Being stuck in an elevator with that for an unspecified period of time would be…smelly.

  47. Tessa Robinson Solley

    Where, oh where, is my Meat Dress Gaga when I need her? Thinking there is something to Joe Cross’s (of “Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead” fame) micronutrient craze, I’ve been on a mostly vegetarian diet for two weeks. What I wouldn’t give for a NY Strip Skirt for lunch! Plus, I’m nostalgic for Gaga’s shenanigans . . . lately she seems like she’s reaching.

  48. Jam

    Jazzercise Gaga, no doubt. We could get toned while waiting, it’s a win-win.

    ALSO JESSICA DARLING EEEE! Marcus Flutie is forever my #1 fictional boyfriend.

  49. Naomi Laventhal

    Kermit-the-Frog-wearing Gaga

  50. Abbie R

    Definitely Gaga in an egg. I’m not a particularly big fan of her, and I feel like if she were in the egg, she’d probably be rather quiet and serene (and not really bother me as I would probably just hang out in the corner reading a book or listening to my iPod or something). The only downside: I’m sure the egg would take up a rather large portion of the elevator, so it might be a little claustrophobic in there.

  51. Allison

    Oh man, google searching “lady gaga outfits” is WAY more fun than I anticipated. However, despite wanting to pick something unique, there is something irresistible about Kermit Lady Gaga.

  52. Kristina

    I want the Lady Gaga who is so good with 10 year old girls. The one who sings with them. The one who is encouraging and fun and kind, despite wearing goofy clothes.

  53.  JessicaAZ

    I have to say this recent VMA Gaga – the white block head one. She didn’t blink, we could have a staring contest while we wait to be rescued!

  54. Ann

    I see that someone else has already had the same idea, but I am totally team Egg Gaga. I don’t care if she comes out of it or not – if she comes out, we could use it as a makeshift bathroom. If she didn’t, I could have some peace and privacy when I peed behind the egg.

  55. Carrie LB

    Pearl encrusted Gaga. Because… pearls!

  56. Bonnie Klein

    This Gaga looks cleanest. I have to imagine a good long time in latex inside an egg can lead to some serious B.O., rotting meat speaks for itself, Jazzersize works up a healthy sweat as does wrangling a 50 foot train. This Gaga it is.

  57. Bonnie Klein

    This Gaga looks cleanest. I have to imagine a good long time in latex inside an egg can lead to some serious B.O., rotting meat speaks for itself, Jazzercize works up a healthy sweat as does wrangling a 50 foot train. This Gaga it is.

  58. Darlene

    This year’s VMA Gaga because she was really trying to make her face as expressive as the rest of her in the intro and she could use that skill should there be mirrors in the lift. Plus I would want to know if she had a hankie on her seat while dressed in only the thong and shell “bikini.” And if not, did Jay Z give her that seat to take home, or has it been burned and replaced?

  59. andrea_s

    Tea-drinking Gaga, where she went everywhere clutching a cup of tea on a saucer. What a classy gal.

  60.  Caitlin

    The Gaga who comes with an extensive library and a selection of snacks (Plus decent wifi). This Gaga obviously *will* exist at some point in the future.

  61. nobody much

    Lobsterhead Gaga. I still want to dress like that for halloween.

  62. Chels

    Definitely bubble Gaga. I could just sneakily throw things at her and laugh as her outfit pops. Hopefully the elevator restarts before I pop all the bubbles, though. I don’t want to be stuck with naked Gaga. Then I’d be uncomfortable, but she wouldn’t be, and that would make me more uncomfortable.

  63. Tess 

    Meeting The Queen Gaga, because I want to hear ALL ABOUT IT. And because my friend Kelly printed out a photo of that historic meeting and made it into a birthday card for me many years ago.

  64. KP

    Houndstooth H2T Lady Gaga. She literally was wearing it on every part of her body, from the glasses to the nails to the freakin clocks on her tights. All that print on print would by the best hallucinogeic.

  65. NumberSix

    Random Teacup Gaga! She’s pondering questions that aren’t coming exclusively from outside her own head. She may, in fact, be pondering questions that haven’t even been asked yet.

    • NumberSix

      That first phrase is a hyperlink to a past Freaky Fug Friday (and a personal favorite of mine), by the way.

      •  HelenBackAgain

        We really need some way to identify links within text as links. It’s my only ish with the current commenting system.

  66. cilla

    Spoiled for choice… but I’ll go for Kermit Gaga.

  67. sahanabanana

    I cannot enter this contest but thank you guys so much for letting me know about the new release, I’M SO EXCITEDDD :)

  68. Stephanie

    I think if it could be a cross between Jazzercise Gaga and Pantsless Tea Gaga, my day would be made. We could work on squats, and after strengthening our core, we could break for tea and discuss Richard Simmons’ best outfits over the decades.

  69. Jenna

    While tea cup Gaga, Carol Channing Gaga or the Gaga illustrating this post would all be lovely, in the end, they wouldn’t work. (Tea would just make you want to go to the toilet more, which would be bad in a stuck elevator. Carol Channing Gaga would just make me sad it wasn’t actual Carol Channing in there with me. The above Gaga is lovely, but I’d be annoyed by the seashells, because stick to a theme at a time, Gaga!)

    Thus, I’d simply go for the “fab McQueen dress Gaga” from the 2010 VMAs, just so I could touch the fabric and that feather thing on her head and examine the stitching. Yes, I’m pathetic, but it would help the time pass more quickly. And that headdress might be used to pry open the doors.

    • Jenna

      Ooh, plus McQueen Gaga would have a phalanx of gay members of the armed forces with her, who would come in handy to get us out of the elevator. The conversations would also be interesting.

  70. Mallory

    This gaga is COMPLETELY AMAZING but I think I’d be too confused so I choose coming-into-the-VMAs-in-an-egg Gaga because, let’s discuss that egg.

  71. TEL

    I’d pick “Lady is a Tramp” singing Gaga ( because she looks like she’s having so much fun, and I think she sings it well. I couldn’t find this version of Gaga on gofugyourself, but she’s got aqua blue hair and she’s wearing a lovely black dress (although it’s rather see-through, but it IS Lady Gaga, after all).

  72. Brooke Overturf

    Anime eyes Gaga, from her Bad Romance video.

  73. Mariam

    Teacup toting Gaga, if only because then we could have a tea party while we’re waiting to be rescued — i also suspect that teacup Gaga would be much like the mad hatter, and that’s always been one of my favorite bits of Alice in Wonderland. And who doesn’t love tea? though i do take issue with pantslessness.

    Though i am also partial to space alien Gaga from the 2010 Grammy’s – the year she carried that spiky ball around — but i’m pretty sure that would be a hazard to eyes in an elevator. on the other hand, it could be a device to call her alien overlords to come and rescue us…or just open up a portal to her space ship.

  74. SewDucky

    High school Gaga. Then I could beat some fashion sense into her.

    Barring that, ant Gaga wearing actual pants. The panties started to scare me a little.

  75. Matilda Eklund

    Stefani Germannota.
    Less cocky, better music.

  76. SueRob

    Women’s prison Gaga

    a) she was bad ass
    b) she would get Queen Bey on speaker for entertainment’s sake (and to get the Roc empire on getting us out)
    c) at least 2 Diet Cokes in her hair for emergencies

  77. HKS

    I am torn between this Gaga and Poker Face Gaga. This LG, well, she looks like a business lady in a whimsical hat. And who hasn’t wanted to bring some whimsy to the workday? I think it would be great. Especially today – the first day after an exhausting long weekend.

    But with the other LG, I could tell her my joke:
    Question: How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
    Answer: You poke her face. (And then I would demonstrate).

    Awesome right?

  78. Jen

    gaga in the video for paparzzi, but only if alexander skarsgard is there too