Freaky Fug Friday: Eliza Doolittle

We’ve been ignoring British singer Eliza Doolittle because…I don’t know. A long-held prejudice against people who adopt a stage name that’s already the name of a very famous fictional character? Like, that way madness lies. Although clearly madness is already HERE:

That…has a lot going on. Not the least of which being the fact that it’s a size too small. Although now that I’ve looked up Ms Doolittle (ugh) on Noted Factorium Wikipedia and discovered that her mother is Frances Ruffelle, who won a Tony for playing Eponine in Les Miserables and is therefore the Eponine on my own recording of Les Mis and is THEREFORE a woman with whom I have violently sung along for A MILLION YEARS, I am more charitably disposed toward her. BUT WILL YOU BE?

THE SITUATION:  I just told you.  This is at an event called “Britain Creates 2012: Fashion & Art Collusion” which sounds like something I would have titled one of my old Lit papers: it sounds good but doesn’t really MEAN anything much.

THE TASK: Please write a haiku about this unfortunate yet tropic ensemble using, at some point, the phrase “My Fair Lady.” For obvious reasons.

THE RULES: All entries must be posted in the comments of this post by 9 p.m. Pacific time on Sunday.

THE PRIZE:  We are thrilled to be giving away THREE copies of the new book by Pamela Ribon — who you may know as Pamie, and who we have known since all three of us were recappers over at Television Without Pity. Ah, memories! It’s called You Take It From Here. And the back of the book says:

“On the heels of a divorce, all Danielle Meyers wants is her annual vacation with sassy, life-long best friend, Smidge—complete with umbrella cocktails by an infinity pool—but instead she’s hit with the curveball of a lifetime. Smidge takes Danielle to the middle of nowhere to reveal a diagnosis of terminal cancer, followed by an unusual request: “After I’m gone, I want you to finish the job. Marry my husband. Raise my daughter. I’m gonna teach you to how to be Smidge 2.0.”

As Danielle wrestles with this major life decision, she finds herself torn between being true to her best friend’s wishes and being honest with herself. Parenting issues aside, Smidge’s small-town Louisiana world is exactly the one Danielle made sure to escape. Danielle isn’t one for playing the social butterfly, or being the center of attention. And when your best friend tries to set you up on a date night with her husband, it might be time to become the bossy one for a change.

In the spirit of Beaches and Steel Magnolias, You Take It from Here is an honest, hilarious, and heartbreaking novel that ultimately asks: How much should we sacrifice for the ones we love the most?”

I can’t wait to read it — in fact, I just went to pre-order it for my Kindle and Amazon told me I had already ordered it, I want to read it that much — and I know you guys are going to love it. So get out there and haiku yourself a copy!

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Comments (106):

  1. mue

    There is no proper enunciation in the description of this garb.

  2. Lids

    Tiki bar wench with
    People dancing on her crotch
    My fair lady, no

  3. Kat

    A little too small
    your tropical loin cloth is.
    That’s not fair, lady.

  4. Whitney

    Oh my, fair lady!
    The Christmas tree’s mad at you.
    Why’d you steal it’s tulle?

  5. Jen

    Oh, my fair lady
    You need to fetch your slippers
    Please don’t leave your house

  6. commenttrollop

    Here’s mine:

    Small skirt bursts at seams
    See through top with midriff bare
    Yet I am dowdy

  7. TonyG

    Pssst! My fair lady
    One strong breeze and your hoo haa
    Will provoke ha ha’s

  8. AndersonicTK421

    Suggested re-brand of event:
    “British Creatures 2012: Fashion and Art Collision”

  9. jo

    What happens when the
    seams burst? Gymnasts tumble from
    my fair lady’s groin.

  10. Sam

    My fair lady, dear,
    Please look down after dressing.
    At least it’s not sheer.

  11. AndersonicTK421

    To the tune of Billy Joel’s “Tell Her About It”:

    Teal her about it
    Teal her all your crazy dreams
    Give my fair lady

    Some attention give
    Her something to believe

  12. Lia S

    That fugly skirt trend!
    Are midriff tops still a thing?
    Ain’t so fair, lady.

  13. Cassie

    My fair lady thought,
    “But don’t the shoes match the shirt;
    Isn’t that enough?”

  14. Kate

    The loincloth – oh, my!
    Fair lady, it’s poorly paired
    With your Barbie’s shirt.

  15. jerkygirl

    Jerkygirl says: “Oh
    My!!! Fair lady, go change, now.
    Move yer bloomin’ arse!!!”

  16. Amanda

    Henry Higgins cried,
    “Wrinkled teal genie – My Fair
    Lady, you are not!”

  17. TL

    My fair lady parts
    Cannot be contained by a
    Mere satin loincloth.

  18. Mona Klinger

    I dreamed a bad dream
    “Hawaiian My Fair Lady”
    Teal and tulle- I scream.

  19. Elizabeth

    Inspired by Lisa Housman…the less dirty of the dancers:

    Where’s your seashell bra?
    Baby’s sister did it right.
    Now, get off the stage!

  20. tdb

    My “fair” lady D
    Let’s just say the coconut
    Fell far from the tree

  21. Chasmosaur

    Don’t you fret, My Fair
    Lady, A Little Fall of
    Rain will trash this “dress.”

  22. kd

    The skirt has split, a
    Napkin has been tied. My fair
    Lady go inside!

  23. Chasmosaur

    I was lucky enough to see Frances Ruffelle as Eponine. That her daughter is wearing this outfit does not make me charitable towards this outfit. AT ALL.

  24. Just Me

    Oh, My Fair Lady!
    Just you wait Henry Higgins
    Now sounds tres dirty

  25. Baileyswedishfish

    My Fair Lady…WOAH!
    Breezy high thighs best disguised
    Mistaken ho? NO!

  26. kellsbells

    Shredded coconut

  27. Amy

    All this has done is
    Earwormed that “loverly” song.
    Thanks, my fair lady.

  28. slila22

    At my fair, lady does
    acrobatics advertised
    on tight loin-curtain

  29. Baileyswedishfish

    (S)teal the limelight, My!
    Fair Lady from thy mother
    Skirt needs a Ruffelle

  30. Shannon

    The rest of your clothes?
    Piña coladas may help
    us, my fair lady.

  31. Deanna

    Move your bloomin’ arse
    And burn that hideous “dress”
    Quick, my fair lady!

    Could the rain in Spain
    Help your dress grow more fabric?
    Please, my fair lady!

  32. Catherine

    Tropical vacay
    Wouldn’t it be loverly
    Oye, my fair lady

  33. Sally

    Mud flaps and boob ties
    and skin, oh my! Fair lady,
    please go up a size.

  34. Becca

    All I want is a
    Room somewhere, far away from
    My fair lady’s “skirt”

    One size up, no slits
    Wouldn’t that be loverly?
    No. Still ugly teal.

  35. Fancy

    Seafoam Collision?
    Oh ho! Revenge is sweet say
    my fair lady parts.

  36. Katie

    Words would even fail
    Professor Henry Higgins
    My Fair Lady, NO

  37. Sheetal

    less pygmalion like,
    more like a praying mantis,
    no, my fair lady?

  38. Baileyswedishfish

    Even the dancers
    On your skirt, my fair Lady
    look embarassed

  39. Minutiae

    What, my fair lady?
    Did your dryer malfunction?
    Shrinkage not sexy.

  40. Kirsten B NYC

    “My Fair Lady” refers not
    to a carnival.

  41. Eak

    Tropical groin flap
    is all that stands between us
    and Her Fair Lady.

    (okay, I sort of bent the rules a little bit.)

  42. Jennifer

    Her fair lady hides
    beneath really tight satin.
    Beware the side slits!

  43. Melanie

    My fair lady insists:
    “Garn! ‘Urricanes ‘ardly hever
    ‘appen in fashion!”

  44. byrneout

    you dress like a clown
    but you’re still not invited
    to my fair, lady

  45. Ghanimatrix

    Oh, my fair lady
    Does your mermaid costume fit?
    Not bloody likely!

  46. foo

    Figures writhing on
    Large, rectangular mint wang
    My fair lady… not

  47. Darcy Miller

    To quote Professor
    Higgins, my fair lady: “You
    impudent hussy!”

  48. Sarah

    “Jack Sparrow wants you,
    Walk the plank my fair lady”:
    Depp post-Vanessa

  49. notbusy

    My Fair Lady, eh?
    Tropical Storm Eliza
    is more apropos

    • notbusy

      p.s. that skirt, like the Grinch’s heart, is at least 2 sizes too small

  50. notbusy

    My Fair Lady, please
    Be careful not to expose
    Your Henry Higgins

  51. Sam

    I sat down too hard
    My skirt split bananalike
    I am no fair lady

  52. anna

    Frances Ruffelle did the UK entry for Eurovision one year. WE WILL BE FREE!!!

  53. a

    Not really entering, because I’m just stealing something I saw on Facebook this morning, but I think it fits (better than the outfit, for sure):
    My fair lady: No
    No no no no no no no
    No no no no no!

  54. cc

    Church? My fair lady,
    We just need to get you to
    a stylist on time.

  55. J-Shafe

    My fare, lady? I’ll
    Have a mai tai. What? You’re not
    A tiki barmaid?

  56. Deborah

    Satin mud flaps and
    Greek statuary couture
    Fail, my fair lady

  57. Piglet the Pooh

    Beach house draperies
    do little, my fair lady,
    in the way of skirts

  58. Evalyn

    My eyes, oh, my eyes!
    Fair, but not in that size.
    Lady you need a stylist.

  59. Cindells

    Take it up a size,
    Eliza Dress Toolittle.
    Better yet burn it.

  60. witjunkie

    More mud flaps. I won’t
    Grow accustomed to this trend.
    My fair lady hits foul.

  61. slr

    “Not Without My Fruit!”,
    the Carmen Miranda show,
    with My Fair Lady.

  62. Christa

    Tropic Thunder lives!
    At least my fair lady’s parts
    Are all covered up.

  63. didgerdoni

    My fair lady cries
    And fears a ‘urricane ‘as ‘appened
    Upon your person

  64. Angela

    Countenance of glum
    Split skirt, insufficient shirt,
    Nay! My fair lady

  65. Alli

    My fair lady lies
    Where the little mermaid and
    Beach Barbie collide.

  66. suea

    No my fair lady,
    Shaw’s Play is Pygmalion
    Not Pig-Roast-A–Thon.

  67. Piglet the Pooh

    Not even Audrey,
    the REAL “My Fair Lady,” could
    salvage THIS train wreck

  68. Rhiannon

    I have never seen
    My Fair Lady but I’m sure
    It don’t look like that.

  69. Katy B

    Well, my fair lady –
    We now know you steal clothes from
    One Blanche Devereaux

    • Katy B

      Well, my fair lady –
      We now know you stole clothes from
      Young Blanche Devereaux.

  70. Jen from cincy

    Lisa, Baby says
    You can’t sing your hula song
    in “My Fair Lady.”

  71. Laney Beal


    Madam YonderFug,
    Admire, If Right, Loose Attire
    Dismay Yourself. Please.

  72. Lelo

    Hey world, meet my thighs!
    But at least I’m not flashing
    My Fair Lady. Yet.

  73. drlemaster

    You say Eliza
    appears in My Fair Lady?
    Not South Pacific?

  74. Pamela Pletz

    Thighs weep blood red tulle
    mortal wound of Eponine
    Hush, My Fair Lady

  75. Jenine

    Too many tubers
    Stuffed into my fair lady’s
    Satin spud sack

    (but the coconuts look well taken care of)

  76. Tricia

    My UNfair lady,
    We all hope the rain in Spain
    falls mainly on this.

  77. Caroline

    One size left, it’s two.
    By George I think she’s zipped it!
    My Fair Lady, breathe!

  78. Sandra

    Mrs. Pearce gasps aloud.
    Professor Higgins sends My
    Fair Lady away.

  79. amy

    I’m a pretty girl
    Sorry that my taste in clothes
    Makes you hide your eyes

  80. Laucie

    Lamour in sarong
    Bing sang, “You’re my fair lady”
    This chick – not so much

  81. harfang

    My fair lady, that
    Ensemble ensures you can’t
    Move yer bloomin’ arse.

  82. Suzy

    Professor Higgins
    thinks you are “HHHorendous”, dear
    And not his fair lady

  83. Kris

    Oh, my fair lady
    Please stop dressing in the dark.
    A sarong? So wrong.

  84. M-A

    One size too small? You’re being too kind! Yikes! And for a second I thought it was the actress from Good Will Hunting.

  85. Bonnie Klein

    Crotch shield and boob truss.
    Porn My Fair Lady takeoff?
    Eliza Does Lots

  86. NumberSix

    Miss Hulk Hawaiian
    Tropic: my fair lady, not
    Yet an Avenger

  87. SarahAsWell

    High waists are heartbreak
    A multitude of teal sins
    My Fair Lady, why?

  88. Bethany

    Voice lessons won’t fix
    My fair lady’s dress. But a
    Flamethrower? Maybe.

    My fair lady told
    Henry he’d be sorry. But
    Why did WE do wrong?

    “My Fair Lady Two”
    Won Best Song for “[One Size Up]
    Would Be Less Fugly”

    My fair lady could
    Have danced all night if her thighs
    Hadn’t busted out.

  89. Bec

    Tell my fair lady
    Thanks, some piña coladas
    Would be loverly.

  90. ronnie

    yep… Doeslittle

  91. JillB

    The spot on the floor
    is what’s left of fair lady’s
    dignity, so sad

  92. Lynn

    I could not have danced
    without showing everyone
    my fair ladyparts.

  93. Melissa

    My unfair, lady!
    Turquoise typhoon travesty–
    Dirty Dancing dud.

  94. Garbo

    Bring me a mai tai
    My fair lady, using
    Silicone glove purse.

  95. Kat

    “All I want is some
    clothes that fit” – Eliza D
    IS… My Fair Lady.

  96. Kate

    Excuse me, Madame
    But my fair ladies DO NOT
    need access panels.

  97. Suzanne

    Aow, wouldn’t it be
    Loverly to stage My Fair
    Lady: Hawaii.

  98. Xanne

    Look! What a frenzied
    shot that was! My fair lady’s
    gut and op’ning skirt.

  99. CB

    I’m too late to enter, but W.o.w. Has any one else noticed she’s dead in the eyes??

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