Freaky Fug Friday: Christina Milian

And the books just keep on coming!

THE SITUATION:  Christina Milian, waiting for her car at the valet. Giving the hand to a girl whose outfit I just realizes seems to involve a swimsuit. But she’s not our concern….not yet.

THE TASK:  Christina looks as thought she just listed off five items, finger by finger. What are they? What she needs to get at the grocery store? Her reasons for wearing what I suspect is a vintage 80s Hypercolor dress from Wet Seal? Her plan for invigorating her career? Her regrets at not marrying Chad Michael Murray when they co-starred in that ABC Family movie together? Read her lips, and tell us what imaginary list she’s enumerating, and all five items on it. (For example: The List: Five Reasons I Wish I’d Married CMM: 1) An endless supply of hair gel. 2) James Lafferty’s home phone number. Etc.)

THE RULES: All entries must be posted in the comments of this post by 9 p.m. Pacific time on Sunday.

THE PRIZE: Yay! This is a good one. We’re giving away 5 copies of Liza Palmer’s new book, MORE LIKE HER (US and Canadian residents only).  What’s it about? BEHOLD:

“What really goes on behind those perfect white picket fences?

In Frances’s mind, beautiful, successful, ecstatically married Emma Dunham is the height of female perfection. Frances, recently dumped with spectacular drama by her boyfriend, aspires to be just like Emma….Yet sometimes the golden dream you fervently wish for turns out to be not at all what it seems—like Emma’s enviable suburban postcard life, which is about to be brutally cut short by a perfect husband turned killer. And in the shocking aftermath, three devastated friends are going to have to come to terms with their own secrets . . . and somehow learn to move forward after their dream is exposed as a lie.”

I have read it myself, and I think you guys will really enjoy it. It’s about relationships and friendships and break-ups and work and hot dudes and a little bit about BBQ, and it’s a really good read (it’s also all set in my hometown, which I extra-enjoyed).  I hope you win!

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Comments (36):

  1. zah

    5 Reasons I Wore This Dress:

    1) Somebody hit the lights (obviously, or else I wouldn’t have picked it).
    2) I can rock it day and night
    3) People are getting down, that’s right
    4) From AM
    5) to PM

  2. shana

    5 stupid things that happened to me today
    1) My dress got attacked by a shark who was dying Easter eggs.
    2) I lost my driver’s license (wait, are you holding it in your hand?).
    3) I got invited to this swimsuit party and forgot my swimsuit.
    4) I went on IMDB and realized that I was only credited as “voice” in A Bug’s Life. Those Pixar bastards.
    5) I saw that American Reunion is out in theaters and realized I was never called to be in it. I was a freaking band member in the original!!

  3. foo

    5 reasons I’m perfect for the re-make of Pretty Woman

    1) I got the dress, see?
    2) Chick behind me got the boots
    3) Jason Alexander is in my purse
    4) Julia Robert’s dental double is showing me her SAG card
    5) I just ate a croissant

    (just for fun)

  4. Angela

    My Plan for Taking the Fug Madness 2013 Crown:

    1. Cutouts. Starting with this dress.

    2. See what that Kardashian over there is wearing? I’m going to copy it and add fringe.

    3. Creating the Poncho Pantsuit. It will be made out of lace.

    4. Get myself onto the CW for Fug The Show.

    5. You know what Lindsay Lohan’s problem is? She dresses too demure. I’ll show her how it’s done.

  5. Jenn S.

    5 Reasons I Am the “Official Social Media Correspondent” for “The Voice”

    1) I am a singer-songwriter/dancer – who better to push social media!?
    2) I am an actress – so I can act excited about interviewing people who MIGHT sing better than me…
    3) I wasn’t doing anything else.
    4) I’ve perfected the blank stare for when someone is tweeting instead of talking to me. See??
    5) Wait… Why is there an Official Social Media Correspondent – everything is done online!

  6. Jennaratrix

    The Five Things I Should be Wearing, But Am Not:

    1. Underwear;
    2. The sides of my dress;
    3. The rest of the skirt of my dress;
    4. A handbag smaller than a suitcase; and
    5. A better dress.

  7. Stefanie

    Top 5 Reasons why Tie-Dye is the Superior Print.

    1. See this spot of Marinara sauce? No? Well that’s the point.

    2. Homemade. I found instructions on how to Tie-Dye while killing time on Pinterest the other day. Yeah, this dress was white – VIOLA bitches.

    3. No matter what color of undies I wear, they match.

    4. If I throw on a pair of sweatpants I look like part of the 2012 Women’s Gymnastics Team.

    5. And finally, Tie-Dye is something Rihanna would totally wear, right? I mean I kinda look like her in this? RIGHT?

  8. becca

    Five things I will never do:
    1. Give you up
    2. Let you go
    3. Turn around
    4. Desert you
    5. Wear this again

  9. Art Eclectic

    I haven’t had enough coffee yet to play. I just want to comment that it looks like a stripper convention in that photo.

  10. Emilie Finch

    Top 5 ABC Family Career Mistakes:

    5. Getting a job as a social media correspondent to try and re-vamp my career and get away from ABC Family made for TV movies about Christmas.
    4. Working on a TV series pilot called “Maid in Miami” because I thought it would be based on the J-Lo movie “Maid in Manhattan” which has the plot of a an ABC Family made for TV movie which I have an regretful affinity for.
    3. Starring in the ABC Family made for TV Movie “Christmas Cupid”. Awful.
    2. Starring in the ABC Family made for TV Movie “Snow Globe”…seriously, have you SEEN that movie?
    1. Being seen in public in a dress I had made based on my favorite 80′s inspired leotard from the ABC Family original series “Make it or Break it”…

  11. Piglet the Pooh

    Five Reasons the Fug Girls Should do ME instead of J-Lo:

    1) They can make Bring it On jokes
    2) I’m So Amazin’
    3) Not to mention “Clueless”
    4) I Be Cool. And last but not least…
    5) When I say “Hola Lovers,” I have a Hole! In my dress! HEE!

  12. Erin

    5 Potential Names for My Inevitable Clothing Line:

    1) Colors A-Milian
    2) Lycra A-Milian
    3) Leotards A-Milian
    4) Swirls A-Milian
    5) Cutouts A-Milian

  13. Rowynn

    Five things I could do that would make me known to people like GFY commenter Rowynn, who never heard of me before…

    1. Appear on Dancing With The Stars.
    2. Land a gig doing commercials for fiber supplements or wrinkle cream.
    3. Show up on GFY pages a lot.
    4. Friend Rowynn on Facebook and then post dopey cat pictures and/or Farmville requests every day. (That will get me noticed, but not in a good way.)
    5. Become a spokesperson for AARP.

  14. Becca

    Are you ready? Here we go! So I acted in “Love Don’t Cost a Thing” with Number 1, Nick Cannon. He’s married to Number 2, Mariah Carey, who starred in “Glitter” with Number 3, Da Brat, who recorded a song for “Precious,” which also had Number 4, Lenny Kravitz, who acted in “The Hunger Games” with Number 5, Jennifer Lawrence, who was in X-Men: First Class with Kevin Bacon! See? It works every time!

  15. TheReset

    Five things my clearly drunk self needs to remind my sober self in the morning:

    1. It is not, in fact, 1986.
    2. They aren’t remaking Pretty Woman.
    3. No one will take my “bring it on” statements seriously if I’m wearing tie-dye.
    4. Giant purses will never hide cut outs completely.
    5. Just because I can make my own dress does not mean that I should.

  16. Helen

    Her friend is laughing and she’s looking skeptical, so I think she’s picking on men.

    “Listen, these five things are all you really need to know about guys:
    1. Men are sheep. Tell them what they want and they will want it.
    2. If you put food in front of them, they will eat it. Doesn’t matter what it is.
    3. When they eat, they forget about anything that may have been annoying them.
    4. Giving them strip dances at home does not keep them out of strip clubs. However, wearing things like this dress on a fairly regular basis just might.
    5. I don’t care how old a man is, he still wants Mommy’s approval, so you best get it, too! Better yet, date guys whose mothers are dead.”

    That said… for summer, in a more beachy environment, I might rather like this ’90s-throwback dress!

  17. Mongerel

    Penny for your thoughts, Christina:

    1. When I selected this dress to wear, it seemed like a really good idea. After all, my abs are flat, my triceps are taught, my breasts are high, my thighs are slim, and my booty is bubbly. This dress was made to show me off.

    2. I have enough modesty to pull my hair back in a barrette so it shows off my perfect eyebrows, which are really more up-to-the-minute than the super-dated, flat-ironed look of my interlocutor…which brings me to

    3. I do not know this person! Just who IS this creature wearing, what is that, snake skin swimsuit, odd pants, saggy cardigan, garish makeup, and a lumpy handbag?

    4. Ah. I see now. It’s an offer to pimp a pool party purse for the paparazzi. Alliteration shall accrue accolades upon my palm.

    5. Where the hell is my car.

  18. Lily1214

    Too swimsuit.

  19. NumberSix

    The Top Five Reasons It Would be Awesome to be Kelly Kapowski

    5. I could turn an accidental underage swimsuit photo shoot into a legit modeling job in Paris. Because the photographer perved on me in said underage swimsuit photo shoot, but whatever.
    4. I’d win Homecoming Queen, even looking like Violet Beauregarde.
    3. Bubbly, virginal attitude + Lycra minidress=the two most popular guys in school engaging in an increasingly ridiculous fight over me (backup plan: leather jacket and motorcycle helmet, act adversarial with Zack, but accept that nobody will ever speak of me again when I leave)
    2. I could disappear for the bulk of senior year and no one will even blink when I show back up for graduation.
    1. It would come with automatic entry into both Hot Sundae and Zack Attack, no previous singing experience necessary. Beats the hell out of the Sprint Social Media Room.

  20. Jennifer E.

    That’s it, here’s the five ways i’m going to kill my stylist:

    1. I’ll cut holes out of HER midsection.
    2. I’ll tie-die her bleached-blonde extensions (she would die from humiliation).
    3. I will force her to exercise until HER pubic bone is prominent! (also perhaps give up the brazilians?) Ha! then we’ll see how SHE looks in this nightmare! *cough* but I digress…
    4. I’ll tell her I need her to bring so many props, she will be following me around carrying many of these absurdly large bags FULL until her stick-figure little self collapses under the weight.
    5. I will pretend to be J.Lo, hire her to be J.Lo’s stylist, and if she doesn’t die of a heart attack then and there, I will laugh while J.Lo dissects her and forces her to put her name on the crazeballs stuff she wears!


  21. CranAppleSnapple

    That’s not Victoria Rowell? Aw, now I miss Diagnosis Murder!

  22. TonyG

    So, I wore this to a party given by my BFF, J.Lo, who dared me that I could not be the first person to score five different categories with one outfit on GFY. So, I said, Hola, hater! What about what I have on right now? It’s almost, but not quite worthy of Crotchtacular, but I am so, gonna be listed in:

    1. WTF
    2. The Evils of Satin
    3. Accessories to the Crime
    4. Pattern Problems
    5. Oh, Honey No!

  23. Sajorina

    “Hey, Leona Lewis wannabe, I’m glad you find this so amusing, but I don’t understand why they won’t let me into this club? What could their reason be? Well, maybe it’s because…

    1) I showed up early today to an event that happened last night,
    2) My bag is so big that they assume I’m here to do some sort of drug dealing transaction,
    3) They have no idea who I am,
    4) My homage-to-the-80s outfit is not sophisticated enough for this establishment, or…
    5) It ain’t skanky enough!!!

    Yep, I think I got it!”

  24. ZoeE

    Listen. I have a foolproof, five-part plan to win CMM’s heart.

    1) Lure him in with my squinting skills.
    2) Distract him with this dizzying print.
    3) Capture him using this gigantic bag and carry him back to my love den.
    4) Throw the cops off my trail by hiding amongst a pack of women who wear bathing suits as clothes.
    5) And did I mention the side-squinting? I did? Well, maybe there are just the four parts, but he’s going to love the squinting thing, right?!

  25. Nicole B.

    5 places I can wear this dress — it’s very versatile:

    1. networking at this streetwalker convention, where i appear to fit in nicely with the other lovely outfits,
    2. performing at ” A tribute to Dr. Seuss ON ICE!”,
    3. volunteering at Willy Wonka’s school for the blind,
    4. playing paint ball where nobody will ever know when I’ve been hit, and
    5. attending my own funeral. I plan to be buried in it thereby removing the visual onslaught forever as my gift to those I leave behind.

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