Freaky Fug Friday: Lindsay Lohan Edition

The return of Freaky Fug Friday! And who better to usher in a new season of contests and creativity than the erstwhile star of Freaky Friday herself, Ms Lindsay Lohan (whose get-up at the Scary Movie premiere is heading your way later today):

She wore this ON AN AIRPLANE. And by “this” I mean, “I don’t actually know WHAT this is.” Is it….boots over jeans and then spats over the boots….? Is that sentence even in English? I do not know what is happening here. Please send help.

THE TASK:  Help. Please explain what Lilo is actually wearing here. But do it in a haiku.

THE RULES: All entries must be posted in the comments of this post by 9 p.m. Pacific time on MONDAY.

THE PRIZE:  This week, we’re giving away five (5!) copies of the new memoir Rapture Practice, by Aaron Hartzler. Per Amazon:Aaron Hartzler grew up in a home where he was taught that at any moment Jesus might come down in the twinkling of an eye, and scoop his whole family up to Heaven. As a kid, Aaron was thrilled by the idea that each day might be his last one on planet Earth…But as he turns sixteen, Aaron finds himself more and more attached to his life on Earth, and curious about all the things his family forsakes for the Lord. He begins to realize he doesn’t want the Rapture to happen, just yet; not before he sees his first movie, stars in the school play, or has his first kiss. Before long, Aaron makes the plunge from conflicted do-gooder to full-fledged teen rebel…In this funny and heartfelt coming of age memoir, debut author Aaron Hartzler recalls his teenage journey to find the person he is without losing the family who loves him. It’s a story about losing your faith, finding your place, and learning your very own truth–which is always stranger than fiction.” I’ve read the book, and I can attest to the fact that it’s excellent — funny, engrossing, moving. A great read. Whoever wins it is in for a treat. (PS: Los Angelenos, Aaron is also going to be speaking at the Santa Monica Public Library tomorrow (Saturday) at 3pm. He’s also moderating the panel on which Heather and I are appearing at the LA Times Festival of Books on the 21st. Synchronicity!)

(This contest is open to US residents only.)

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Comments (91):

  1. Bree

    leather leggings help
    hide all the nervous sweating
    no stealing today

  2. Jenn

    Leather spataloons
    did you stuff your pants in those
    or are those shorts

  3. lila s.

    Her legs are shrouded
    in mysterious leather.
    What an enigma.

  4. Cathy

    Thigh high leather boots
    Fold-over calf protectors
    Look! I’m fully clothed.

  5. Mel

    You told her to look
    into pants and so she did.
    What more can we ask?

  6. Meredith M.

    Boots and shorts — shiver.
    But look! In my carry-on:
    Leather leggings. Yay!

  7. Piglet the Pooh

    Lindsay channels her
    inner Lenny Kravitz by
    wearing spaboochaps

  8. Helen

    I won’t attempt a haiku, but what I think we’re seeing is leather leggings over pants, tucked into boots, with spats over all of that.

    • ohmygodGO

      I, also, should not attempt a haiku. but, uh, silly question: do the celebs have to take shoes off for airport screenings like the rest of us? ’cause I can’t imagine undoing that get up and then re-doing it. Or is a perk of 1st class flight?

      • Heather

        Maybe she’s posing as over 75 so she doesn’t have to take her shoes off. (My dad was psyched when he turned 75 and didn’t have to take his shoes off anymore.)

        • Helen

          She’s probably getting into, or off of, a private flight. TSA doesn’t regulate security for those; the airplane owners and operators do.

          • HKS

            Thanks Helen. I wondered the exact same thing, but that makes sense. It also makes sense that most celebs fly private, because they are always wearing such awfully complex things that would never work going through regular TSA screening.

  9. Adrienne

    Holy High Waders
    You were on a plane LiLo
    Not a fugging boat

  10. cranmer

    Fly the fuggly skies!
    Please secure all thigh high boots
    in nearest trash bin.

  11. Christa

    I am what I eat.
    Apparently I ate too
    much black licorice.

  12. Marissa F.

    Leather-clad legs sweat
    On the way to the wetlands
    Crocs won’t want that snack

  13. val.

    Lindsay is wearing
    Leather curiosity
    Cloaked in mystery

  14. C Eller

    Misheard my advice
    “Get thee to a tannery”
    Was not the intent

  15. CM

    It could be much worse
    It appears its not cut offs
    Under thigh high boots

  16. catriona

    It’s not short-shorts if
    My legs are made of leather
    Take that, GFY

  17. Slogr

    The answer is clear:
    Dominatrix, Nevernude
    LiLo papped at work.

  18. Beth C.

    Pretty Woman praise
    Leather chaps and leather boots…
    …What’s in that bottle?

  19. d3chem

    Fly fishing at dusk.
    Can I hide my cankles with
    Layers of pleather?

  20. Ellen C

    Layers on top, plus
    Leather chaps, jeans, boots, and spats
    Prepped for strip poker

  21. Katy B

    Stoned LiLo pondered,
    “So my hair has extensions;
    Why can’t my boots too?”

  22. Kate S

    Description of this
    Requires a portmanteau:

  23. Laura M

    This is my f*ck you
    T.S.A. outfit. Those goons
    took my pills last time.

  24. Amy

    Holey-kneed jeans, and
    No time to patch. What to do?
    Wrap legs in leather.

  25. Monica

    My legs were cold, my
    jeans were cold, my boots were cold.
    Hence, I wear spats. Layers.

  26. Simone

    On Wednesdays, she wears
    pink. But on Fridays, she wears
    a leather hot mess.

  27. Megan F

    Leather hip waders
    for some mid-air angling
    Only Lilo dares

  28. Patti

    Yo! Tights are not pants
    so she does a one eighty.
    Linds, what a Hobo!

  29. Chickie

    Leather pants over
    Acid washed jeans with frayed holes
    My eyes are burning

  30. kfletch

    Stale air, sweaty boots
    Spawn evil leather thigh tubes
    Look out, whiskered crotch!

  31. Elizabeth

    If boots won’t slip off,
    can’t check for contraband. No
    fly in a thigh-high.

  32. foo

    Charlie Sheen’s new couch
    Met a worse fate than the dress
    After the clubbing

  33. Danna

    Paraphrase from The Princess Bride,
    I do not think this is what
    you think it is. PANTS.

  34. maryroy26

    Boots? Leggings? Spats? Hmm.
    But after all that water,
    How does she go pee?

  35. kelly

    Thirty thousand feet
    Closet-sized restrooms, can’t sit
    One solution: chaps

  36. The Reset

    Pleather shoes as pants?
    You know those aren’t the real thing.
    Leather wouldn’t help.

  37. witjunkie

    Lindsay, fly-fishing
    Is in Montana. Brad Pitt
    Isn’t really there.

  38. ShuliK

    Brett Easton Ellis,
    Charlie Sheen. Clearly adores
    those leathery chaps.

  39. Catherine

    Lilo, even long
    leather leggings over jeans
    won’t hide the crazy.

  40. JLK

    For when your waders
    Need waders, look to Lohan.
    What’s she wading in?!

  41. Adam

    Like the cocaine
    Spantaboots were put there
    Not by Lindsay

  42. Boomer

    Wearing those layers
    Of skin-tight, crotch-high leather –
    Pray no need to pee!

  43. LBoogie

    Big mistake, Linds
    Surprised to find
    Spapantoots uncircumcised

  44. Kathleen

    Bad choices oft made
    Leather from toes to biscuits
    Li Lo’s detox pants

  45. Meri

    One hundred and one
    layers- she must be avoiding
    the baggage check fees.

  46. Edith

    Leather on Leather
    Acid wash jeans crotch – sweaty
    tight fashion faux pas

    • Edith

      DAMNIT – forgot to edit out one syllable. Should be:

      Leather on Leather
      Acid wash crotch – sweaty
      tight fashion faux pas

  47. Edith

    Pants? Spats? Bootaloons?
    TSA Agent’s nightmare -
    Can her shoes come off?!?

  48. Mel

    Black leather waders
    Make jeans look like Daisy Dukes,
    Just say NO, Lilo

  49. Sandra

    Fug Nation agrees.
    That cow-hide was much better
    when worn by the cow.

  50. Kate

    Shorty short jeans, Plus
    Plastic thigh-high legwarmers,
    Does not equal Pants.

  51. d gable

    It’s nothing, really.
    Lilo just forgot to take
    off yesterday’s gear.

  52. B Marie

    Years of hard living
    Bring about leather-like skin
    Here, literally

  53. Marcia

    Boots are not enough
    Must have leather thigh warmers
    Should have just bought chaps

  54. Adriana

    Black compression tights
    From “Bad Gurrl” leather series
    (Boots sold separetly)

  55. Heather

    No haiku from me, but Fug Nation, these are AMAZING. How will H and J ever choose?

  56. Stefanie

    Leather pantaloons
    is where Lilo hides her drugs
    Poor disgraced moo cows

  57. Deanna

    Jean shorts on their own
    need some hip-waders and boots,
    both plastic (i’m poor).

  58. Deanna

    oops, edit:

    Jean shorts on their own
    need ‘sexy’ hip-waders and boots,
    both plastic (i’m poor).

  59. Janie

    jean grannies, blazer,
    leather thigh highs, spats, t-shirt–
    business crazy

  60. nmlhats

    Plastic surgery?
    Liposuction leather legs
    now available.

  61. mGe

    If feet swell in flight,
    Leather compression socks new
    trick to bubble butt?

  62. Elizabeth

    Behold my waders
    I am a trout fishing STAR.
    Suck it, Brad McPitt.

  63. A

    Veered down Lohan Lane
    Sane people’s clothing choices
    Never seen again

  64. La

    Must rehydrate knees,
    Leather tucked into leather
    But my crotch must breathe.

  65. Kari Anne

    that’s not black leather
    those are her actual legs
    no more tanning beds!

  66. Kate

    A tragedy strikes!
    Lindsay finds snakes on a plane,
    Legs chomped foot to thigh

  67. Janet

    Air travel’s a bitch
    Boots, spats, waders, jeans?
    “Bat-Wadje” strip search

  68. JRW

    compression stockings
    leather for the lilo look:
    perfect for travel

  69. The Bad Seed

    Leather leg Franken-
    pants, be thankful for denim
    to air out the vadge.

  70. Helen Beers

    Super-long gaiters/ borrowed from Ermintrude – though/ she doesn’t know it

  71. thecitydweller

    You asked me to be safe
    So I got some leather thigh-condoms
    What is the problem?

  72. Grace

    Limbs of troubled star
    attacked by extrat’restr’al
    symbiote! What next?

  73. Alli

    Split minds meld in one hot mess
    Straight jacket for legs.

  74. TonyG

    Forget the leather!
    How much you wanna bet those
    are cut-off jean shorts?

  75. Mongerel

    Lindsay Lohan Fug
    Fug Gack Gag Fugity Fug
    Everlasting Fug

  76. Marilee

    Jack Spat can eat my
    flats. His wife can eat my jeans.
    Mother Goose couture.

  77. MsLDG

    Leather and denim
    Good God, I look fabulous.
    Now please pass the crack.

    (not a US citizen but this is fun).

  78. Ann

    Legs wrapped in cow hides
    Such heinous fashion abuse
    Makes other cows hide

  79. stella

    Quoth Snoop: “Boots up, jeans
    down while you bounce to this– but
    what the fug’s them flaps?”

  80. Wenzel

    Just so much leather.
    Which airline are you flying?

  81. Karmen

    “Hide ankle bracelet.”
    Supposed to use verb, not noun.
    Leather overkill.

  82. Cheese

    Leggings aren’t pants
    One month of leather leg sheaths
    Was the court’s sentence

  83. Cecily

    Denim peeking out
    Of Lilo’s Sky Mall thigh highs
    She further descends.