Freaky Fug Friday: Lindsay Lohan Edition


freaky-fug-friday

The return of Freaky Fug Friday! And who better to usher in a new season of contests and creativity than the erstwhile star of Freaky Friday herself, Ms Lindsay Lohan (whose get-up at the Scary Movie premiere is heading your way later today):

She wore this ON AN AIRPLANE. And by “this” I mean, “I don’t actually know WHAT this is.” Is it….boots over jeans and then spats over the boots….? Is that sentence even in English? I do not know what is happening here. Please send help.

THE TASK:  Help. Please explain what Lilo is actually wearing here. But do it in a haiku.

THE RULES: All entries must be posted in the comments of this post by 9 p.m. Pacific time on MONDAY.

THE PRIZE:  This week, we’re giving away five (5!) copies of the new memoir Rapture Practice, by Aaron Hartzler. Per Amazon:Aaron Hartzler grew up in a home where he was taught that at any moment Jesus might come down in the twinkling of an eye, and scoop his whole family up to Heaven. As a kid, Aaron was thrilled by the idea that each day might be his last one on planet Earth…But as he turns sixteen, Aaron finds himself more and more attached to his life on Earth, and curious about all the things his family forsakes for the Lord. He begins to realize he doesn’t want the Rapture to happen, just yet; not before he sees his first movie, stars in the school play, or has his first kiss. Before long, Aaron makes the plunge from conflicted do-gooder to full-fledged teen rebel…In this funny and heartfelt coming of age memoir, debut author Aaron Hartzler recalls his teenage journey to find the person he is without losing the family who loves him. It’s a story about losing your faith, finding your place, and learning your very own truth–which is always stranger than fiction.” I’ve read the book, and I can attest to the fact that it’s excellent — funny, engrossing, moving. A great read. Whoever wins it is in for a treat. (PS: Los Angelenos, Aaron is also going to be speaking at the Santa Monica Public Library tomorrow (Saturday) at 3pm. He’s also moderating the panel on which Heather and I are appearing at the LA Times Festival of Books on the 21st. Synchronicity!)

(This contest is open to US residents only.)

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Comments (91):

  1. Bree
    0

    leather leggings help
    hide all the nervous sweating
    no stealing today

  2. Jenn
    0

    Leather spataloons
    did you stuff your pants in those
    or are those shorts

  3. lila s.
    0

    Her legs are shrouded
    in mysterious leather.
    What an enigma.

  4. Cathy
    0

    Thigh high leather boots
    Fold-over calf protectors
    Look! I’m fully clothed.

  5. Mel
    0

    You told her to look
    into pants and so she did.
    What more can we ask?

  6. Meredith M.
    0

    Boots and shorts — shiver.
    But look! In my carry-on:
    Leather leggings. Yay!

  7. Piglet the Pooh
    0

    Lindsay channels her
    inner Lenny Kravitz by
    wearing spaboochaps

  8. Helen
    0

    I won’t attempt a haiku, but what I think we’re seeing is leather leggings over pants, tucked into boots, with spats over all of that.

    • ohmygodGO
      0

      I, also, should not attempt a haiku. but, uh, silly question: do the celebs have to take shoes off for airport screenings like the rest of us? ’cause I can’t imagine undoing that get up and then re-doing it. Or is a perk of 1st class flight?

      • Heather
        0

        Maybe she’s posing as over 75 so she doesn’t have to take her shoes off. (My dad was psyched when he turned 75 and didn’t have to take his shoes off anymore.)

        • Helen
          0

          She’s probably getting into, or off of, a private flight. TSA doesn’t regulate security for those; the airplane owners and operators do.

          • HKS
            0

            Thanks Helen. I wondered the exact same thing, but that makes sense. It also makes sense that most celebs fly private, because they are always wearing such awfully complex things that would never work going through regular TSA screening.

  9. Adrienne
    0

    Holy High Waders
    You were on a plane LiLo
    Not a fugging boat

  10. cranmer
    0

    Fly the fuggly skies!
    Please secure all thigh high boots
    in nearest trash bin.

  11. Christa
    0

    I am what I eat.
    Apparently I ate too
    much black licorice.

  12. Marissa F.
    0

    Leather-clad legs sweat
    On the way to the wetlands
    Crocs won’t want that snack

  13. val.
    0

    Lindsay is wearing
    Leather curiosity
    Cloaked in mystery

  14. C Eller
    0

    Misheard my advice
    “Get thee to a tannery”
    Was not the intent

  15. CM
    0

    It could be much worse
    It appears its not cut offs
    Under thigh high boots

  16. catriona
    0

    It’s not short-shorts if
    My legs are made of leather
    Take that, GFY

  17. Slogr
    0

    The answer is clear:
    Dominatrix, Nevernude
    LiLo papped at work.

  18. Beth C.
    0

    Pretty Woman praise
    Leather chaps and leather boots…
    …What’s in that bottle?

  19. d3chem
    0

    Fly fishing at dusk.
    Can I hide my cankles with
    Layers of pleather?

  20. Ellen C
    0

    Layers on top, plus
    Leather chaps, jeans, boots, and spats
    Prepped for strip poker

  21. Katy B
    0

    Stoned LiLo pondered,
    “So my hair has extensions;
    Why can’t my boots too?”

  22. Kate S
    0

    Description of this
    Requires a portmanteau:
    Pantalunacy

  23. Laura M
    0

    This is my f*ck you
    T.S.A. outfit. Those goons
    took my pills last time.

  24. Amy
    0

    Holey-kneed jeans, and
    No time to patch. What to do?
    Wrap legs in leather.

  25. Monica
    0

    My legs were cold, my
    jeans were cold, my boots were cold.
    Hence, I wear spats. Layers.

  26. Simone
    0

    On Wednesdays, she wears
    pink. But on Fridays, she wears
    a leather hot mess.

  27. Megan F
    0

    Leather hip waders
    for some mid-air angling
    Only Lilo dares

  28. Patti
    0

    Yo! Tights are not pants
    so she does a one eighty.
    Linds, what a Hobo!

  29. Chickie
    0

    Leather pants over
    Acid washed jeans with frayed holes
    My eyes are burning

  30. kfletch
    0

    Stale air, sweaty boots
    Spawn evil leather thigh tubes
    Look out, whiskered crotch!

  31. Elizabeth
    0

    If boots won’t slip off,
    can’t check for contraband. No
    fly in a thigh-high.

  32. foo
    0

    Charlie Sheen’s new couch
    Met a worse fate than the dress
    After the clubbing

  33. Danna
    0

    Paraphrase from The Princess Bride,
    I do not think this is what
    you think it is. PANTS.

  34. maryroy26
    0

    Boots? Leggings? Spats? Hmm.
    But after all that water,
    How does she go pee?

  35. kelly
    0

    Thirty thousand feet
    Closet-sized restrooms, can’t sit
    One solution: chaps

  36. The Reset
    0

    Pleather shoes as pants?
    You know those aren’t the real thing.
    Leather wouldn’t help.

  37. witjunkie
    0

    Lindsay, fly-fishing
    Is in Montana. Brad Pitt
    Isn’t really there.

  38. ShuliK
    0

    Brett Easton Ellis,
    Charlie Sheen. Clearly adores
    those leathery chaps.

  39. Catherine
    0

    Lilo, even long
    leather leggings over jeans
    won’t hide the crazy.

  40. JLK
    0

    For when your waders
    Need waders, look to Lohan.
    What’s she wading in?!

  41. Adam
    0

    Like the cocaine
    Spantaboots were put there
    Not by Lindsay

  42. Boomer
    0

    Wearing those layers
    Of skin-tight, crotch-high leather –
    Pray no need to pee!

  43. LBoogie
    0

    Big mistake, Linds
    Surprised to find
    Spapantoots uncircumcised

  44. Kathleen
    0

    Bad choices oft made
    Leather from toes to biscuits
    Li Lo’s detox pants

  45. Meri
    0

    One hundred and one
    layers- she must be avoiding
    the baggage check fees.

  46. Edith
    0

    Leather on Leather
    Acid wash jeans crotch – sweaty
    tight fashion faux pas

    • Edith
      0

      DAMNIT – forgot to edit out one syllable. Should be:

      Leather on Leather
      Acid wash crotch – sweaty
      tight fashion faux pas

  47. Edith
    0

    Pants? Spats? Bootaloons?
    TSA Agent’s nightmare -
    Can her shoes come off?!?

  48. Mel
    0

    Black leather waders
    Make jeans look like Daisy Dukes,
    Just say NO, Lilo

  49. Sandra
    0

    Fug Nation agrees.
    That cow-hide was much better
    when worn by the cow.

  50. Kate
    0

    Shorty short jeans, Plus
    Plastic thigh-high legwarmers,
    Does not equal Pants.

  51. d gable
    0

    It’s nothing, really.
    Lilo just forgot to take
    off yesterday’s gear.

  52. B Marie
    0

    Years of hard living
    Bring about leather-like skin
    Here, literally

  53. Marcia
    0

    Boots are not enough
    Must have leather thigh warmers
    Should have just bought chaps

  54. Adriana
    0

    Black compression tights
    From “Bad Gurrl” leather series
    (Boots sold separetly)

  55. Heather
    0

    No haiku from me, but Fug Nation, these are AMAZING. How will H and J ever choose?

  56. Stefanie
    0

    Leather pantaloons
    is where Lilo hides her drugs
    Poor disgraced moo cows

  57. Deanna
    0

    Jean shorts on their own
    need some hip-waders and boots,
    both plastic (i’m poor).

  58. Deanna
    0

    oops, edit:

    Jean shorts on their own
    need ‘sexy’ hip-waders and boots,
    both plastic (i’m poor).

  59. Janie
    0

    jean grannies, blazer,
    leather thigh highs, spats, t-shirt–
    business crazy

  60. nmlhats
    0

    Plastic surgery?
    Liposuction leather legs
    now available.

  61. mGe
    0

    If feet swell in flight,
    Leather compression socks new
    trick to bubble butt?

  62. Elizabeth
    0

    Behold my waders
    I am a trout fishing STAR.
    Suck it, Brad McPitt.

  63. A
    0

    Veered down Lohan Lane
    Sane people’s clothing choices
    Never seen again

  64. La
    0

    Must rehydrate knees,
    Leather tucked into leather
    But my crotch must breathe.

  65. Kari Anne
    0

    that’s not black leather
    those are her actual legs
    no more tanning beds!

  66. Kate
    0

    A tragedy strikes!
    Lindsay finds snakes on a plane,
    Legs chomped foot to thigh

  67. Janet
    0

    Air travel’s a bitch
    Boots, spats, waders, jeans?
    “Bat-Wadje” strip search

  68. JRW
    0

    compression stockings
    leather for the lilo look:
    perfect for travel

  69. The Bad Seed
    0

    Leather leg Franken-
    pants, be thankful for denim
    to air out the vadge.

  70. Helen Beers
    0

    Super-long gaiters/ borrowed from Ermintrude – though/ she doesn’t know it

  71. thecitydweller
    0

    You asked me to be safe
    So I got some leather thigh-condoms
    What is the problem?

  72. Grace
    0

    Limbs of troubled star
    attacked by extrat’restr’al
    symbiote! What next?

  73. Alli
    0

    Schizophrenia
    Split minds meld in one hot mess
    Straight jacket for legs.

  74. TonyG
    0

    Forget the leather!
    How much you wanna bet those
    are cut-off jean shorts?

  75. Mongerel
    0

    Lindsay Lohan Fug
    Fug Gack Gag Fugity Fug
    Everlasting Fug

  76. Marilee
    0

    Jack Spat can eat my
    flats. His wife can eat my jeans.
    Mother Goose couture.

  77. MsLDG
    0

    Leather and denim
    Good God, I look fabulous.
    Now please pass the crack.

    (not a US citizen but this is fun).

  78. Ann
    0

    Legs wrapped in cow hides
    Such heinous fashion abuse
    Makes other cows hide

  79. stella
    0

    Quoth Snoop: “Boots up, jeans
    down while you bounce to this– but
    what the fug’s them flaps?”

  80. Wenzel
    0

    Just so much leather.
    Which airline are you flying?
    US&MAir?

  81. Karmen
    0

    “Hide ankle bracelet.”
    Supposed to use verb, not noun.
    Leather overkill.

  82. Cheese
    0

    Leggings aren’t pants
    One month of leather leg sheaths
    Was the court’s sentence

  83. Cecily
    0

    Denim peeking out
    Of Lilo’s Sky Mall thigh highs
    She further descends.