(1) LADY GAGA vs. (2) AMBER ROSE
Someday, the extraterrestrial freedom-fighting iguana-birds who have taken over the Earth will find themselves really bored at work, tired of discussing how to burn all our houses and snort the ash, and will dust off tired old Intertubes in search of something new to learn about what our race was all about and what our legacy is. And they’ll stumble on this entry about Lady Gaga and Amber Rose, and they will be forced to draw the following conclusions:
1) We were really clumsy with super glue, as evidenced by Amber accidentally fusing her sunglass cord to the front of her shades:
2) We have a pathological fear of unfettered eye contact:
There’s loads of evidence
for this one
. A secondary assumption could be that Lady Gaga knew something about the mind-dulling gas content of our air, and was determined to filter it.
3) When we DO make eye contact, it turned us into humanoid warrior beasts:
4) Hirsutism ran rampant:
But mostly, I think they would infer the following:
6) We were out of our f’ing minds.
7) No, seriously:
Personally, I feel that all of the above perfectly encapsulates everything for which this civilization stands. It’s all like looking in a mirror, isn’t it? But which of these women do YOU want to be your ambassador of fug heading into the final game? Take a tour through the Lady Gaga
and Amber Rose
archives to fill in the blanks, and then vote your conscience. Or your hearts. Bonus points if they’re the same thing.
Separately, the CAPTCHA code I had to enter to make the poll was “a hag.” Truly. Do with that what you will.