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(1) LADY GAGA vs. (2) AMBER ROSE

Someday, the extraterrestrial freedom-fighting iguana-birds who have taken over the Earth will find themselves really bored at work, tired of discussing how to burn all our houses and snort the ash, and will dust off tired old Intertubes in search of something new to learn about what our race was all about and what our legacy is. And they’ll stumble on this entry about Lady Gaga and Amber Rose, and they will be forced to draw the following conclusions:

1) We were really clumsy with super glue, as evidenced by Amber accidentally fusing her sunglass cord to the front of her shades:
Roberto Cavalli Opening Boutique: Paris Fashion Week Ready-to-Wear
2) We have a pathological fear of unfettered eye contact:

13th Annual 2009 ACE Awards Presented by the Accessories Council - Inside

There’s loads of evidence for this one. A secondary assumption could be that Lady Gaga knew something about the mind-dulling gas content of our air, and was determined to filter it.
3) When we DO make eye contact, it turned us into humanoid warrior beasts:
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[Photo: WENN.com]

4) Hirsutism ran rampant:
Billboard's 4th Annual Women In Music
5) We vacillated wildly between worshipping lobsters as our gods, and wearing giant bibs to make the consumption of their delicious flesh easier and cleaner:
Sean
But mostly, I think they would infer the following:
6) We were out of our f’ing minds.
Kris Van Assche Fashion Show

[Photo: Splash News]

7) No, seriously:
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[Photo: WENN.com]

Personally, I feel that all of the above perfectly encapsulates everything for which this civilization stands. It’s all like looking in a mirror, isn’t it? But which of these women do YOU want to be your ambassador of fug heading into the final game? Take a tour through the Lady Gaga and Amber Rose archives to fill in the blanks, and then vote your conscience. Or your hearts. Bonus points if they’re the same thing. 
Separately, the CAPTCHA code I had to enter to make the poll was “a hag.” Truly. Do with that what you will.