Fehs and Huh?s: Princess Charlene


fug-or-fab

Well, we checked in with Kate Middleton, might as well see how her sad-faced sister-in-arms is faring over in Monaco. (Relieve her considerably less joyous-seeming nuptials here, if you like.) I just wish she’d wear a color.  Act HAPPY, Char. Then they’ll never know you’re planning to escape from the palace via hot air balloon in the dead of night with the dreamy bodyguard you’ve seduced into helping facilitate your escape!

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Comments (50):

  1. Megan
    0

    Good lord, does she look sad. I keep seeing how cute and happy Will and Kate look together, and Char looks like she is jist going through the motions.

  2. LawyaGal
    0

    She just looks SO sad. I can’t even properly assess the clothes because I am wracked with guilt for even looking at her. That is don’t leave the house, wear PJ’s all day and eat Ben & Jerry’s depression right there…

  3. Lindy
    0

    Those are pants in slide 3, not a full-length skirt.

  4. Steph
    0

    I do actually really like the grey dress in slide 1. She’s got the height to pull of something that would make anyone my height look very stumpy, with the wavy darker grey bits. However, and maybe it’s just bad lighting- but she looks SICK. Pale and thin in the face. I do feel really sad for her.

    • Annie
      0

      Oh god – agreed. The grey is not good in the picture at least. I like the frock but what it’s doing to her unbelievably gorgeous mug is a crime. I look good in grey in person, but I’ve never seen a picture of myself in grey that looks anything other than bride of frankenstein.

  5. Eliza Bennett
    0

    I would be in love with the grey dress in slide 1 if it didn’t have the capelet. Maybe a silver shawl.

  6. Margaret
    0

    is it me, or do her outfits look a wee bit baggy through the midsection? If Kate can have”womb watch,” why can’t Charlene? If Charlene does not produce a legal heir, Monaco will actually cease to exist – France would be able to reclaim it.

  7. Mare
    0

    She is smiling in these photos more than previously, and I am all for lulling the kingdom (prinicipality?) into a false sense of security. I look forward to the day that she makes her escape, although it will be, apparently, in something that makes her appear very, very leggy. She could probably walk out of the castle right now, completely unrecognized, if she wore something in a bright color-block.

  8. JanetP
    0

    I love her in that first dress, but she also looks like she just went on a crying jag and didn’t have time to redo her makeup. Her haircut from the back reminds me of SWINTON — now, there’s a role model for her!

  9. GigiNYC
    0

    I just want to thank you for featuring Rafael Nadal in Fug Nation. Not only is he a tremendous tennis player (this win in Monte Carlo marks his eighth consecutive victory there!) but he is also so. frickin’. HOT.

    As for Princess Charlene, I actually don’t mind her (unhemmed) pants and blazer in pic #3. She looks elegant and very statuesque, which she is. It’s an appropriate outfit for a trophy presentation–conservative and quietly elegant.

    • eva
      0

      Love Nadal too!

      As for Charlene, agree with everyone else: she has such a sad expression that even if her clothes were the most beautiful in the world (which they are not), they would be hard to appreciate and they would look sad too.

    • Deborah Stultz
      0

      Charlene and Nadal would have some beautiful children. If that trip to the Galapagos pans out and all.

  10. Rowynn
    0

    Not sure who the other two women are in Slide 1, but it looks as if there was a phone conference prior to this event, in which they all decided to wear grey. And then the lady in the middle decided to stop for BBQ ribs on the way. That would explain the oddly placed red blotches on her dress that seem to have nothing at all to do with the print.

    • Sandra
      0

      I believe the woman standing on Albert’s other side is Princess Caroline. In which case, it’s more than likely that the fur-bearing being next to her is Princess Stephanie. For those who have better thing to do with their brain cells than store random trivia, those two are Albert’s sisters. They are, respectively, 21 and about 13 years older Charlene. Probably shouldn’t match quite so much.

      While it is true that for about 700 years or whatever since its founding, Monaco would have reverted to France when the last Grimaldi heir born of a legitimate marriage kicked the bucket, Prince Rainier negotiated some deal where Caroline’s kids are in the line of succession. Since her kids have all been born within the bounds of matrimony and all. That family has some serious bad mojo on the personal relationships front.

      Charlene certainly does look happier in the photos where she isn’t with Albert.

  11. EAG46
    0

    What she really needs is a therapist and an Rx for a strong anti-depressant.

  12. seachel
    0

    I almost mistook her for Martina Navratilova in the last picture…oops. Thanks for featuring tennis players!

  13. Other Emily
    0

    I kinda like the new hair. I don’t find it any more severe than when she had longer hair pulled back all the time. I like the first dress, just not the capelet. She’s a tall, pretty lady and can carry off that dress. Also, her alond-and-smiling photo demonstrates how darn pretty she is when she shakes off the Evil Prince. I just can’t stand to look at her most of the time, she’s so sad.

  14. Kasee
    0

    I’m sorry, I just cannot feel sorry for this woman. The clothes, meh – she is very tall and pretty and could do better. But seriously, if an 18 year old girl in India can find the strength to annul the marriage her parents sold her into when she was a baby (in the news yesterday,) this woman could get out if that’s what she really wanted.

    • Edith
      0

      Yeah, unless they’ve got something terrible on her family or something, there’s really no excuse. That said, I’m really looking forward to the day she runs off with Sven, or Rafa. Or Sven AND Rafa. Depression can make it difficult to accurately assess your options, but she’ll come ’round. And then she’ll grin an show off those ridiculously long legs and be a completely different person.

      Or so I like to imagine.

  15. Lina
    0

    Awww, I love the last pic! The first one, though, dear lord she looks cadaverous. And miserable. But mostly just WAY TOO MUCH LIKE AN ACTUAL ZOMBIE. In formal wear.

    I really hope she has something like a 2 year contract deal with this guy, and then she CAN fly away.

  16. Gina
    0

    I just can’t get over how terrible Princess Caroline looks in the first photo. Especially the neck. She only just turned 55!

  17. digknit
    0

    I saw the trophy ceremony at the tennis tournament and she looked happy-ish to be there. In fact, she was totally flirting with Novak Djokovic, she was calling him back to the platform for more pictures, though it was clearly Rafa’s turn to be photographed alone, since he did win the thing. Guess there are some upsides to being married to His Highness.

  18. Shiitake
    0

    She never looks genuinely happy about being a member of Monoco’s most royal waxworks.

    Beautifully styled and the pants are hemmed.

  19. Conchobara
    0

    What a strained, fake smile in slide 3. I thought all these royal folks were grilled on appearing happy, even when dead inside. (And while this sounds mean, it’s not meant to be. I genuinely feel for her, and really hope this is a contractual deal wherein she gets out in a reasonable time period. Otherwise, let us hope that Jessica’s action-adventure-rom-com comes through sooner rather than later.)

  20. Sajorina
    0

    Honestly, I like the gray dress with the capelet/parachute… I think she looks lovely! Now, the rest of her outfits & new hair don’t do anything for me! Plus, she’s no SWINTON!

  21. vandalfan
    0

    Phooey, she’s richer than Crassus, has gorgeous clothing at her disposal, elegant functions over which to preside, and beauty and a figure to die for. Cry me a flippin’ river. And she definitely won the Battle of the Cutest Bridesmaids.

    • Sandra
      0

      Yeah, none of that actually matters when you’re clinically depressed. It isn’t just feeling sorry for yourself; it’s a dysfunction in the reward centers in the brain. Yada yada, I’m not a clinician, but I’ve seen that expression in the mirror and I sympathize with her.

      • Edith
        0

        Exactly. If you’re crippled with depression, you just can’t realistically assess your options.

        I like dress one, sans capelet. With capes, you either go big or leave it home. But jeepers, darling, COLORS. Patterns! Also, don’t wear blazers! Lipstick!

  22. Heta
    0

    She can’t show her legs because her captor has put an ankle monitor on her, which sets off an alarm anytime she is alone outside of palace grounds or anytime she strays farther than fifty feet from the prince during an outdoor event. If she produces a child, she can get the ankle bracelet off; that’s the deal.

  23. kess
    0

    OMG what happened to Caroline. All that hard partying as a youngster has shown up to haunt her. Wild Steph of course looks so bad these days they dare not point a camera at her.

    As for Princess sour puss, weirdly they let her runaway all the way to Australia recently.
    She came here to open a Princess Grace fashion exhibit. She is very introverted, shy, reserved. She seemed sane and pleasant, not cheery but not sad, there is no zip/energy that comes across in interviews.
    She just seems like a quiet nerdy type. In one interview I saw she talked about being a sportswoman and that doesn’t prepare you for media etc expecting you to perform and present like a model or celebrity.

  24. neiges
    0

    Ok. I feel I have been hiding under a rock. Seriously, is she depressed and / or captive? Why? What gives? Why so many posts of compassion towards this former swimmer who is married to a very dull Prince, for sure, but willingly so? What the hell?
    Oh, and I love slide #3 pants, they are warm but elegant for a tennis tournament final – it was very windy that day. And Rafa won!!!! :-) Go Rafa (but not with Princess Charlene; with your gogeous brunette girlfriend whatshernameihateher).

    • Amber
      0

      Neiges – there were rumors that she tried to call off the wedding, and tried to leave the country, and that her passport was confiscated, preventing her from leaving. If I recall correctly, they also honeymooned separately – fueling speculations. Right around the same time there was a third paternity case, with the timing such that he would have been sleeping with another woman while he and Charlene were together.

      I looked up some photos of her before the marriage, and she had the same sad eyes, so I’m thinking she just has that look (I have the same issue, and embrace it and joke about my cold dead eyes).

    • GigiNYC
      0

      Maris Francisca Perello; aka Xisca. Yeah, she’s totally gorgeous and seems really nice and down-to-earth to boot. Am so jealous. :)

      • neiges
        0

        Yes I remembered the paternity issues (she surely knows about that and has clearly forgiven him) but knew nothing of the secret passport hiding and the honeymoons apart. That’s odd, to say the least. But I did check too and she has always looked dead-eyed, I agree. And I am very serious myself when I am very very happy…

        Xisca! Right. Almost the only tennis player girlfriend who isn’t blonde.

  25. jmarie
    0

    I don’t think she looks depressed! As someone who is not a natural smile-er, I know for certain you can be extremely happy without having a huge grin on your face. Plus there are tons of photos of her and Albert together where she is smiling. If you stop expecting her to look like blonde Kate Middleton and give her a chance, you might find that she looks serene and calm. If you look at photos of Charlize Theron (a fellow South African) you might notice that she’s not usually smiling in photos either. Although Charlize can pull out the mega-watt teeth when she needs to!

  26. Softwear
    0

    I think she looks great. She’s finding her sense of style. I love the blazer/trousers combo. I love the cream scarf. I like the new hair. She looks understated and elegant. Okay, a colour wouldn’t go amiss, but give her time.

  27. Remi
    0

    Ofc they gave tortoises to Monaco. The place is so small and already densly plotted, that if Mali gave them…say…Elephants, there just wouldn’t be any room for them.

    Also: you can’t ride a tortoise to freedom.

  28. victoria
    0

    Sometimes, when I can’t sleep at 3:30 am and am feeling blue, I remind myself of old GFY posts to make me giggle and brighten my mood. I treasure some of your writing: “Snaps, you sexy pirate tart” has always been one of my favorites, and has lightened my insomniac sadness for years now. This post is pure genius and may have to join thetop of the rotation.

  29. Ranee Singleton
    0

    I will never ever see her again without calling her The Hostage Bride, thanks to GFY.
    I have so many fantastic snippets that you guys have coined that I use in my everyday life: boob wrangling, crotchtacular, pants what?, and the list goes on and on. Maybe you should create your own dictionary.

    My friends and I still call Dunst “Dr. Sunkentits”, and Eva will always be “the Widow Longoria”. And everytime we watch American Idol, we say “oh look, its JLo’s pottery teacher.”

    You guys rock.

  30. yeahandalso
    0

    Re the tennis outfit: somebody should have told her YOU NEVER GO FULL SWINTON because you will fail, horribly

  31. Mrs. Whit
    0

    I’m imagining Caroline has just realized she’s left too many visible bite marks on Charlene and the vampire hunters are on to her… first rule- hide your kill.

  32. Eli
    0

    I’m positive she cut off her hair so she could sell it and add it to her running away fund.

  33. julie
    0

    I actually like the dress, even the color. The make-up is awful and that sad, sad face.

  34. Maria
    0

    I really believe that she is abused and that’s why she always looks sad and a bit desperate as well as vacant, and also why she doesn’t leave. I wish there was something someone could do to help her.

  35. buttercup
    0

    What drives me crazy about this situation is that it kills any fantasy I ever had about royalty.

    I mean, you have immense wealth and resources, and THIS is what you wear?! Girl, I say take that royal credit card, go to Paris, and make them pay for enslaving you. Be so gorgeous that people will wonder for whom you are tarting yourself up, ’cause we all know it ain’t the Prince. Be EPIC.