Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Ty Burrell and Wife


TY: This is it. This is my moment. If we’re ever going to get our vaudeville act off the ground, the time is NOW. I have never been hotter.
MRS. TY: Career-wise.
TY: Well… yes, but also, aren’t I dashing?
MRS. TY: Of course, dear.
TY: Thank you.
MRS. TY: However, you are taking the word of a woman who is wearing The Vagina Monologues as a dress.
TY: What?
MRS. TY: All the tender pink flowers… the gently rosy folds…
TY: That… is… AWESOME. I have to redo our whole act. We’ll do a song and dance, I’ll sell an eternal-youth tonic, I’ll get out the ventriloquist’s dummy for a while and sing everything ever performed on Glee, and then you’ll close the night by pulling a vagina out of your vagina.
MRS. TY: I don’t know about that. What does that even mean?
TY: You have about half an hour to figure it out, because that’s how long I’m going to wait before I pitch this to ABC. Get cracking, Ladyparts!
MRS. TY: Sigh. Thank God I didn’t wear my tight flesh-colored sheath with the matching hat. 
TY: Tee hee.
MRS. TY: Exactly.
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