Depressingly Played, Princess Charlene

This is seriously the worst thing she has ever put on her body. [Insert Prince Albert joke here. ZING!]

[Photos: Getty]

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Comments (34):

  1. Kristen from MA

    Based on slide #3, I think you are right. She’s pregnant. But oy, with the beige AGAIN. Snore.

  2. Julie M

    At least she’s sorta smiling in a few of the shots. Probably because she realized that they are there to present a charity BUS.

    • Bambi Anne Dear

      She does look happier. Maybe she likes wearing frumpy fashion. And where is this? That is one ugly building. It looks like something in suburban Australia. Which can be gorgeous but also very much like this.

  3. jean

    Ladies, it’s camouflage! She can sidle along that brick wall, work her way around a beige pillar and then drift slowly to the getaway car that will whisk her away to …well, somewhere. Maybe the Virgin Islands where she can swim again and work on her base tan and get some inexpensive plastic surgery and new hair.

    And then she’ll become a cat burglar or something.

    • Helen

      I could absolutely see her as a cat burglar! She could team up with that Cary Elwes character from Psych. And wouldn’t they look sensational together?

      This outfit, now… It looks to me like a picnic was planned, and she put on the blankets that were laid out, instead of her outfit.

  4. Gigi

    Even actual sister-wives get to wear soft pastels. Drugged up, shackled to Monaco AND in beige. Should Fug Nation plan a reverse-kidnapping? Jeez, the guy gives his wife-bot his mother’s face, shouldn’t he splash out on her classy, varied, (I assume) colorful wardrobe, too?

  5. sarah

    She and Prince Harry shall one day redeem each other.

  6. Carolina Girl

    Oy, the things you do when you wanna be a princess.

  7. GeauxFallon

    Princess Charlene as played by Diane Keaton.

  8. Swift

    Depressing and unflattering outfit aside, I really hope she’s not incubating a mini Albert. I hope she can one day make a clean break and enjoy colors and hearty laughter again. As wonderful as (most) children are it would just be one more string tying her to that creeper.

  9. deee

    It’s total fug but the cut does have a bit of a Swinton vibe. Could Swinton make it work?

    WTH is the Prince wearing? Do is see trainers, dress pants and a tennis warm up jacket?

  10. Eliza Bennett

    GFY Jessica, I wanted you to know, I cackled at “one tall drink of flavorless Ensure.”
    You are my sunshine.

  11. Art Eclectic

    Wow. That thing’s only a hoodie and a scarf away from being a burqa.

  12. MP

    It’s a hideous outfit, yes!
    Since I saw them in the Olympics photos, I have this niggling doubt that they actually do get along well.
    Case in point — She has known him and been seen officially with him since 2006! (He had officially recognized his 1st child by then.) And they were engaged in 2010!
    The escape attempt before the marriage, of course, does not redeem him in anyway.
    Still, I wonder if she has deeper depression issues and/or does not like being in the spotlight so much. I had no idea who she was before her escape attempt.

  13. Chrissy

    It is very boring and much too old for her age. It seems like her whole look, from the super short plain hair to the clothes are much too old for her. And she always wears very colorless clothes. Duchess Kate has people helping in her wardrobe decisions, I’m sure, and she generally looks stylish and polished, yet very conservative. If someone is guiding Princess Charlene, it’s almost like they want her to look bad. Maybe they don’t want it to look like she wastes a lot of money? But it looks like she’s not allowed to spend any.

    • Kara

      That outfit is too old for my 81-year-old grandmother. (Who dresses young, but you get the idea.)

      • Edith

        I don’t think ostentatious dispays of wealth EVER go out of style in Monaco, actually. It’s kind of Monaco’s raison d’etre.

  14. Lori

    This is the kind of outfit I imagine someone creating on Project Runway if the theme is “depression”. She’s far too beautiful and wealthy to be dressing like this.

  15. Edith

    And this, my friends, is why you NEVER redeem that J. Jill gift card your mother-in-law got you for Christmas. No one should own oatmeal colored clothes, much less layer them. To misquote Spinal Tap, “It’s like, how much more beige could it be? And the answer is NONE. NONE MORE BEIGE.”

  16. Bottle Ginger

    Hey, I had that outfit back in the nineties!

    Only it was in blue, because I was blonde then and beige looks awful on blondes. Seriously, nothing looks worse on a blonde than head-to-toe beige.

  17. Clarisse from Rambli

    I don’t get it… doesn’t she have like fifty stylists trying to at least make her clothes look cheerful? What a waste…

  18. vandalfan

    Swap the skirt for a nice pair of jeans or bright trousers, and Bob’s your uncle. I think she looks quite happy for a change, actually.

  19. char

    I was thinking this was Eileen Fisher’s summer line for Real Women. Aside from the color, this woman was an OLYMPIC SWIMMER but she’s dressed like there could be anything under there. Maybe she’s hoping that by ceaselessly dressing in soporifics she can put off her Duty to Monaco.

    • cstiddy

      “Princesses should not wear Eileen Fisher”–my thoughts exactly!

  20. Sandra

    I’ve been looking everywhere for that damn cardigan! It’s the one I keep in my cubicle to throw on over whatever I happen to be wearing when the air-conditioning is gets to be too much. Thanks for finding it for me, Chazz! Can I have it back now?

    Wait, what? That one is yours?!? Why on earth do you own a librarian’s work cardigan?

  21. Shoeniverse

    What the hell even is it? /ugh

  22. Patrick

    Her sister-in-law Stephanie’s now aging French surfer dude-looking former Weho boyfriend Oliver (her first Mr Wrong in a long line of romantic disasters) has an eponymous restaurant in Beverly Hills adjoining my gym. Everytime I see him I’m reminded how seriously strange
    this family is. Wasn’t Ranier’s father gay and banned from the principality? Wasn’t his grandmother an Algerian washerwoman or something? Didn’t Caroline go bald for a few years? Isn’t Caroline’s daughter dating a Morrocan Jewish stand-up comic? Besides, have you seen how awful Monte Carlo looks? It must have the density of Hong Kong!

    • Patrick

      Wait! There’s more: now I read that Stefano Casiraghi, Caroline’s deceased husband, is thought to have had mafia connections and that his coffin was clandestinely stood up on end the night before his funeral in some strange retaliatory mafia act. It all gets stranger and stranger!

  23. Eli

    OMG…it WOULD make the bestest Judith Krantz novel. Those are seriously the best.

  24. Lily1214

    Um . . . yes, you’re right. It’s those stylists again.

  25. Edith

    jojo, does rescuing a kidnapped princess sound adventurous? Then have I got the quality woman for you!!!

  26. TonyG

    @Edith…That was hilarious!