Chestily Played, Tricia Helfer


Oh my God, you guys.

There are some days when I desperately wish we were all hanging out, collectively, like in a villa on Lake Como, so that when a photo like this came through on the wire I could just rip it out of the fax machine (don’t ask me WHEN we’re all living) and race through Fug Compound, screeching. And then we’d all just gather round and SCREECH TOGETHER. BECAUSE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH.

[Photo: Getty]

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Comments (72):

  1. Elizabeth
    +94

    And then we’ll dictate telegrams to the larger world. “Fug Nation alert. Stop. To Tricia Helfer. Stop. Seriously. Stop.”

    And the clickety clackety will either be the ice in our drinks or the morse code furiously being sent by our erstwhile Interns.

  2. Minutiae
    +31

    I want to live in the Fug Compound. In other news, I really never wanted to see that much of her clavicle, especially paired with Sandy in Grease pants.

    • Breda
      +15

      Psst: sternum. Her clavicles are hardly scandalous or over-exposed at all. :)

    •  Emma
      +27

      I didn’t know how much I wanted to live in a Fug Compound with a fax machine on Lake Como until just now. How do we make this happen?

      Btw, we could totally exploit our geographical proximity to set George Clooney up with Sandra Bullock and then SPY ON THEM. He’d be like “Sandra! What’re you doing here?” and she’d be all “didn’t you invite me, George? If you didn’t, WHO DID?”

  3. Fawn
    +27

    It looks like she’s trying wear one of those infinity scarves as a shirt – NO!

  4. Jen
    +57

    Cylon Number Six doesn’t care if you can see her chest! She’s a powerful robot seductress who can crush your throat with her fingers and manipulate your dreams. She doesn’t give a sh*t about such trivial human concerns as modesty.

    I’m actually not even being snarky. That’s really what goes through my head when I see this. You go, Number Six. You go on with your crazy pants and double-sided tape!

  5. nicole
    +10

    but… Diddy Riese. The most offensive thing about this picture is I am currently pregnant in OKlahoma. Where there is no Diddy Riese. And I now want Diddy Riese.

  6. Tamburlaine
    +10

    Crikey, it’s not so much the vast acreage of chest but the polterwang those trousers and that camera angle are giving her. Are her satin trousers tied at the bottom? I’ve never seen tight harem trousers before… Still, she’s giving good face, and for that she should be commended, if for nothing else.

    •  ErinG
      +2

      I so hope your name is a big fat shout-out to Marlowe, because if so, I love you!

    •  HelenBackAgain
      +2

      I think the makeup is pretty bad. It’s kind of a cardinal rule that you almost never (there are some rare exceptions, mainly for stage purposes) match eyeshadow to light-colored eyes. It does the opposite of helping them stand out, instead creating a blue-gray blur in the whole area. Whereas a contrasting color (I’d go with a bronze for the clothing colors here) brightens them and makes them really sparkle.

      Foundation is too heavy, lipstick lacks color… nah, I don’t like it. She’s still pretty, but she could look really beautiful, and the makeup is sabotaging her.

  7. Jen
    +7

    Wow… Those pants are seriously horrible, though.

  8.  TaraMisu
    +12

    Holy crap.

    And I would come live at the compound in a NY minute.

  9. Rowynn
    +1

    I like her shoes, though.

    •  Nanc in Ashland
      +1

      Yes to the shoes, too! I love a slingback and these are heels without being hooker heels or having 10 pounds of platform attached. She just needs an outfit worthy of the cute shoes.

    • sorry bout it.
      0

      Yes, the shoes are what keeps this outfit from going full hooker.

  10. martinipie
    +12

    Memo to Tricia: You always looked FAB on Battlestar. Just wear all that stuff, okay? Especially that red skirt suit. That was amazing.

    –with love,
    me

  11. qwertygirl
    +13

    “Look at ME!! Look at MEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!” Well, we’re looking, but we’re shaking our heads, which is not what I think you were going for, right?

    • holly
      +4

      It’s Katie Sackoff’s movie premiere & they are BFFs, so stop trying to steal Starbuck’s thunder, you Cylon harpy! The only scenario where this is okay is if the outfit and pose are a private joke between them.

      • qwertygirl
        +1

        “You Cylon harpie”–that made me laugh. It does look desperate and attention grabby though. Tsk.

  12. Eliza Bennett
    +64

    Re: Tricia–Lawd hep. Re: YES–Can we make a Fug Nation time-share happen? I’m not even kidding. I would gladly pay x $ to hang out for three days in a caftan and bejeweled turban with random FugFriends at a Florida resort while pool boys in U.S. Olympic Swim Team uniforms brought us fruity drinks.

    • ChristieLea
      +5

      YES. THIS HAS TO HAPPEN. And I call dibs on the lanai suite.

    •  ErinG
      +39

      i will be the oprah of bracelets.

      “YOU get a bracelet and YOU get a bracelet! everybody gets a bracelet!!”

      they act as your wristband to the fug compound.

      •  HelenBackAgain
        +7

        How about we each donate a bracelet as we enter, and then everyone can choose one? I’ve got this vermeil Argento Vivo that I HATE (they sent me the wrong one). I’m sure someone would love it!

    • Alicia
      +4

      I was thinking we’d have a swim-up bar, but your idea is MUCH better.

    • mandiann
      +6

      when can i start booking this magical vacation?

    • Erin
      +3

      This. Is. Amazing. I want to go to there.

  13. Ruth
    +15

    She just stopped by on her way to Studio 54 to party with Bianca Jagger and Liza Minelli.

    • Patti
      +4

      This WAS the sh*t …. in 1978. If this IS a timewarp, she stopped at the Roller Rink first. ;)

  14. Kris M
    +3

    Haha, but she looks SO PROUD of herself.

  15. Pam
    +5

    Does she not see what we see?

  16. wildviolette
    +14

    Great. I now have “Disco Duck” running through my head.
    Also, I’m terribly old.

  17. Vandalfan
    +8

    WORDS

  18. Sajorina
    +8

    I can see it now… We’re all having Mai Tais while lounging at Fug Compound and when you present us with this picture in horror, I SCREECH because NO! Yes, THIS needs to happen!

  19. Samantha
    +4

    I would TOTALLY come live in the Fug Compound and screech accordingly. That sounds awesome.

    …It looks like somebody needs to let BSG go. It’s over, Six.

  20. PB
    +4

    This is like the live and in person version of all of those scenes in BSG where they worked really hard to show everything possible without actually showing her boobs. She does have a great body, by the way. She might as well show it off.

  21. val.
    +3

    Are those like tight-fitting harem pants? I was so shocked by the shirt at first that it took me a moment to check out the pants!

  22. Betsy
    +13

    It looks like she forgot to button her blouse. Like she’s Tara Reid walking around, just smiling, not knowing her blouse has become unbuttoned.

  23. KF
    +6

    Maybe she wore it backwards and the other side is actually quite flattering…

  24. Breda
    +5

    Ooh, are we going to get to see Katee Sackhoff too? PLEASE? I’m watching Battlestar Galactica for the first time and am kind of madly in love with her, enough that I actually briefly considered going to see this movie when I found out she was in it. Also, she usually dresses much better than this (though maybe that’s not actually a selling point).

  25. Becky
    +7

    It also appears as though she is wearing a small codpiece. Not saying she is, just that it looks like it.

  26.  HelenBackAgain
    +1
  27. Loxy
    +4

    Gotta give the 39 year old woman some credit for going for it.

    It isn’t good, but it is something.

  28. tigers4us
    +1

    Who is she?

    • mary lou bethune
      +2

      Why is she thrusting her bosom? Vulgarity is endemic this week.

  29. Mongerel
    +5

    Sham Wow!

  30. Rachael
    +4

    *small voice* I actually kind of love it. The deep plunge reminds me of my favorite Kylie outfit from my favorite Kylie video. And she looks so delighted! Bless.

  31. Claire1
    +2

    It’s all terrible…except her body ( and her pretty face)….because there isn’t one thing on that woman that is kind and forgiving and she looks amazing on the fitness side of things.

  32. ToniM
    +4

    The low cut shirt doesn’t bother me nearly as much as the pants that are so tight that she is virtually naked ’round the crotch. Ugh.

  33. celia
    +10

    I’m in for the villa, but only if I can still wear comfy pajama jeans while mocking others. THERE ARE RULES.

  34. Chrome Member
    0

    Tricia and Katey Sackoff go riding their motorcycles in those tops. Talk about distracted driving. Check out their calendar shoots.

  35. Terre Bowden
    +10

    y’all…that cropped tux has a TRAIN. sweet baby jesus.

    Fug Compound is my idea of retirement. Trust. If I hit the Lotto, I *will* create it. Interns for all!

  36. Shannon
    +3

    There are not enough “no’s” in the world for me to express how I feel about this. In fact, I added it to the “My Burn Book” board on Pinterest. The whole thing is so incredibly tacky that it hurts me to know it’s out there.

  37. ohsohappy
    0

    This has just got to be a joke. Seriously. This is ridiculous. A joke. Definitely a joke.

  38. ohsohappy
    +1

    Please scroll down to full frontal of pants. Could someone please explain what is going on in the crotch area? I’m confused.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2405309/Killer-Women-star-Tricia-Helfer-wears-cleavage-baring-Riddick-premiere.html

    •  Roz
      +1

      It looks like they used to be Guns n Roses pants with eyelets and shoelaces around the crotch, then they removed it and just hemmed in a triangle.

  39. CopyChic
    +4

    I am shocked anyone noticed her face. “I have breasts. Look at them. They are magical. By the way, I’m an actress.”

  40. stephasaurus
    +4

    i suggest the first line of business at Fug Compound should be requesting an official statement from her camp about meaning of these atrocious pants. is she trying to prove that she is more than just a beautiful face and should be taken seriously as an actress, ala charlize theron’s monster?

    are they a cry for help that her b-list film career isn’t paying her rent AND wardrobe bills and been she’s forced eek by on her meager existence salvaging leftovers on MTV’s jersey shore set?

    wait. that’s a lie.

    first, cocktails.

    AND THEN we request a statement.

  41. Trace
    +1

    Something about those pants makes her look like she’s got a little bit of peen in there!

  42. Bambi Anne Dear
    0

    No.

  43. Moxie Lola Carroll
    +3

    If you notice, the banner behind her says it all:

    ICK…….OK[!?!?!?]

    I’m packed and awaiting the directions of the compound. <3

  44. Countess
    +4

    I’m just awaiting further details on how to sign up for this magical vacation. In the meantime will be online shopping for bejewelled turbans, caftans, bracelets etc. Thank you fug girls; Cape Town is raining non-stop this week and you’ve helped me escape in my mind at least!

    Oh, the ‘outfit’; there aren’t enough words, words….etc.

  45.  Derv
    +3

    Those pants seem to be snugging up in a most worrying way

  46. Emily
    +1

    Is that shirt from JWOWW’s clothing line?

  47. Aubreys642
    0

    That yellow thing is a necklace… riiight?

    http://aubreys642.com/