Charo Bracket, Round One: Lady Gaga Has Entered The Building

Are you ready to get into this? Warm up your voting fingers — and remember, polls close after 24 hours.

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In this round: 2. Salma Hayek vs. 15. Michelle Williams .  3. Chloe Grace Moretz vs 14. Zoe Saldana .   6. Jennifer Lopez vs 11. Nicola Peltz  . 7. Lady Gaga vs. 10. Kelly Rowland

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2. Salma Hayek vs. 15. Michelle Williams

Two women, alike in dignity, undone by their contractual obligations to various design houses that do them no favors. When she’s not dressed like the Missing Real Housewife, Salma’s Guccis are generally doing huge indignities to her breasts; she also was forced to cavort with a hot dog this year. It’s been rough. REAL rough.

Also, this:

#NeverForget:

NEVER FORGET:

NEVER! FORGET:

And that’s really just the tip of the iceberg. Poor Salma. She has all the genetic advantages in the world, and all the money, and yet…AND YET.

Her wardrobe, at least, isn’t as emotionally droopy as Michelle’s is. For example, her LV at the Oscars was…fine. But she looked miserable in the brand at the Met Gala; she looked weirdly naked at the Oscars Luncheon; she was droopy again at the Globes.

This is sad:

SAD:

SAD!

Archives? I’ll give you archives! Here are Salma’s; Here liveth Michelle.

3. Chloe Grace Moretz vs 14. Zoe Saldana

Chloe Chloe Chloe Chloe.  I’m curious to hear how you’re growing out these bangs. I also hope you continue these sort of whimsical photoshoots in 2017. And I pray you stop tying things around your neck as if you’re trying to hold your head on:

I honestly may never get over that one. It’s one of the worst looks of the year. Is CGM’s stylist a secret operative, working against her?!

FREE CHLOE:

Also, I just realized that Chloe’s name rhymes with that of her opponent here. Over to Zoe!

La Saldana wasn’t out a ton this year, though she did make a huge splash (in a good way) at the Met Gala.  She’s got three little kids at home, so she’s busy, but also the press tour for the latest Star Trek movie was truncated (wisely) due to Anton Yelchin’s tragic death, which means she wasn’t out as much as you might have otherwise expected. But she made the most of it; this pre-Oscars dress was weird at best, this McQueen was arguably bonkers. This was divisive (although I liked it). This was just BAD:

How do you feel about bugs?

Archives: CGM; ZS

Your poll, my lords and ladies:

6. Jennifer Lopez vs 11. Nicola Peltz

J Lo is the best. I truly love her. I got sucked into watching Shades of Blue the other night mostly because I kept thinking how much I enjoy her as a celebrity. She brings me joy. Is this not a hoot?!?! Does this not make you smile? She’s wearing a vanilla cupcake. All of this is why I wanted MORE from her look at the Globes. MORE, J LO. MORE.  LOOK AT HOW MUCH MORE YOU’VE GIVEN:

Bejewelled breast plates!

The hottest teacher in the hot-for-teacher universe!

THIS!

Meanwhile, wasting away in Peltzville:

No.

Nein.

Nyet.

Non.

NO!!!!

J Lo’s archives love you. Nicole’s are dead-eyed.

7. Lady Gaga vs. 10. Kelly Rowland

Now, let me be honest. This might be close. Kelly had a very up and down year — sometimes she looked GREAT; sometimes…not. But Gaga’s Walking Around clothes have been AN EXPERIENCE. Her look for the Met Gala was both on theme and PEAK GAGA. This was also super super subtle:

She’s also back in her Very Hard to Walk In Giant Shoes, and sporting what I think is a muppet:

WORDS:

Honestly, all these varied looks amuse me. This feels like a salute to Almost Famous:

And this is also kind of entertainingly wacky, but it IS wacky:

I sometimes think that Lady Gaga is a time traveller who doesn’t always have time to change.

Over to Kelly, who often looks FABULOUS when left to her own devices around town, but whose red carpet offerings are often questionable. They’re also occasionally Kardashian-y.  This is SNUG at best.

I can’t really figure out what this IS:

And I hope she saves THIS until she’s like 85 and hauls it back out again:

This is, to quote St Tim, a lot of look:

Also lots of look:

SO much look:

ENDLESS LOOK.

Archival Footage Available At: Lady Gaga, Kelly Rowland.