Fugger: Zoe Saldana

Cannes Fug or Fab: Zoe Saldana in Etro


I want to like this. It’s weird and loud, and I always want to give the benefit of the doubt to things that are not flesh-toned nighties.

But every time I look at it, the top tricks me into thinking her boobs are migrating south for the summer. And I don’t think the Migratory Patterns of the Two-Breasted Saldana are something we should be studying right now.

Your turn:

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[Photo: Getty]

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Cannes Fug Carpet: Zoe Saldana in Valentino and Jason Wu


Someone please liberate those shoes. Don’t drag them into this.

If Colonel Sanders had call girls, I don’t want to know about it. That’s between him and Original Recipe Bone-In Chicken.

The Jason Wu Is A Little Better

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Cannes Fug or Fab: Zoe Saldana in Victoria Beckham


Sometimes I think this is cool, with the edgy chain belt and those nice lengthening pleats.

And other times, I think it looks like she slung a scrunchie across a tank top and then crushed it by hugging someone a little too hard.

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[Photo: Getty]

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Mostly Well Played: The Recent Looks of Zoe Saldana


Since we last saw her (at the Met Gala), Zoe Saldana has left the house a lot to promote Rosemary’s Baby, which I heard was both terrible and a flop. The good news is, no one will blame her for that. You are blameless, Saldana! Also, you mostly look great.

[Photos: WENN]

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Met Carpet Fug Carpet: Zoe Saldana in Michael Kors


I feel like Zoe Saldana read what I said about Lupita wearing a shower cap to the White House Correspondents’ Dinner and just laughed and laughed and laughed:

“You want to see someone wearing a shower cap as a dress? I CAN TOTALLY DO THAT FOR YOU.”

[Photo: Getty]

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Fug or Fab: Zoe Saldana in Roskanda Ilincic


Do not get me started on the absolute non-necessity of the Rosemary’s Baby remake. But always get me started on Zoe Saldana, because there’s never an end to the Center Stage jokes I can make. Are we at a point where making a Center Stage joke about Zoe Saldana is like making an As The World Turns joke about Julianne Moore? Because I might start making those, too. She played identical half-sister/cousins!

This is, if not great, at least dramatic:

And the shoes are filling me with joy.

Let’s look at the front before we deliver our verdicts:

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