Fugger: Various Kardashians
This is Kylie Jenner (center) arriving at her birthday party:
In a camouflage onesie. As you do. With friends that match. I don’t know what amuses me more: A Kardashian wearing a fabric whose initial intent was to HIDE a person from prying eyes, or the use of said fabric on a zip-up suit so hideous it could not possibly escape attention. It reminds me of nothing so much as the “Pimps” and “Hos” tracksuits Britney and Kevin Federline got for their respective wedding posses. And I have this horrible suspicion that someone at least THOUGHT about ordering baby North West one of these for at-home reveling.
[Photo: INF Daily]
[Photo: Getty and WENN]
This is kind of mean, but I need to note that I find it hilarious that Rob Kardashian’s big career move here is… becoming a sock mogul. No offense to socks, because I wear them and revel when they are comfortable, but “sock mogul” just doesn’t seem like something where you wake up one morning and realize that your passion is for artful cotton foot sheaths. Instead, sock mogulry feels like something you decide to do because you are from a family that has a LOT of money and marketing heft right now, and your mother is nagging at you to take advantage of that while you still can, but you don’t actually want to do any work.
Also, that Givenchy t-shirt is apparently $700. It’s a Madonna (the religious icon, not the singer). And it really clashes with/draws focus from his passion socks. But all I know is, at the end of the day, for $700 a) my clothes had best not have the Pavlovian response of making people’s eyelids heavy when they look at me, and b) I’d better get more than a freaking t-shirt.
I have heard tell that Kim Kardashian is upset about gaining weight while pregnant.
I have CAPSY thoughts about this:
1) YOU’RE PREGNANT. What did you think was going to happen?
2) WE KNOW YOU’RE PREGNANT. NOBODY THINKS YOU ARE FAT. And besides, anyone who body-shames a pregnant lady can seriously shove it with knobs on.
3) You are seriously missing out on the ONE TIME in most women’s lives when they don’t have to suck in, and can in fact shove out their stomachs and go, “CHECK OUT THIS AWESOME GIANT BELLY.” It’s really fun. Bump it up! Don’t hide it! Enjoy the freedom.
4) THOSE PANTS ARE NOT FREEDOM.
5 YOUR FETUS DOES NOT WANT TO WEAR HEINOUS GROIN-RUFFLE PANTS. NOBODY DOES. WHY ARE YOU?
6) I can’t believe I’m saying this, but LET KOURTNEY BE YOUR GUIDE.
7) If gaining weight bothers you that much, JUST WEAR SOME EMPIRE-WAIST DRESSES. YOU ARE MAKING EVERYTHING WORSE.
8 ) Repeat that last one over and over, like, a lot, about whatever.
** I may need to clarify that I am not trying to say that pregnant women can’t be thrown off by the changes in their bodies. But there is a difference between that and denial. To me, wearing those pants doesn’t say, “I am feeling awkward about my changing form.” Rather, that garment, to me, is a fingers-in-ears scream of, “LA LA LA NOTHING IS
CHANGING AT ALL.” My point was, don’t let denial get in the way of biological necessity — and also, those trousers are odious. But the former is dipping into armchair psychoanalysis, so I apologize if I overstepped…