Fugger: Various Kardashians

Kids’ Choice Fug and Fab Carpet: Kylie and Khloe


Our photo service refers to Kylie Jenner here as “personality Kylie Jenner” and as her mother surely knows, there is no worse kiss of death for an aspiring ANYTHING than to be classified as a PERSONALITY rather than a Whatever She’s Aspiring Toward. Is Kylie the one who wants to be a model? I cannot manage to extend my interest in the offspring of Kris Jenner into the actual Jenners:

That dress might actually be cute, but those shoes are Satan’s own handiwork. They’re like two little wicker demons.

The one Kardashian I actually like, however, showed up and looked cute:

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Fugthur George, by Fug Kardashian


This is kind of mean, but I need to note that I find it hilarious that Rob Kardashian’s big career move here is… becoming a sock mogul. No offense to socks, because I wear them and revel when they are comfortable, but “sock mogul” just doesn’t seem like something where you wake up one morning and realize that your passion is for artful cotton foot sheaths. Instead, sock mogulry feels like something you decide to do because you are from a family that has a LOT of money and marketing heft right now, and your mother is nagging at you to take advantage of that while you still can, but you don’t actually want to do any work.

Also, that Givenchy t-shirt is apparently $700.  It’s a Madonna (the religious icon, not the singer). And it really clashes with/draws focus from his passion socks. But all I know is, at the end of the day, for $700 a) my clothes had best not have the Pavlovian response of making people’s eyelids heavy when they look at me, and b) I’d better get more than a freaking t-shirt.

[Photo: WENN]

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Oscars Fugs or Fabs: The Kardashians


None of them blew me away. But none of them looked terrifyingly bad, either, which might be a first…?

[Photos: Getty]

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Fugging Up With The Blah Blah Blah


I have heard tell that Kim Kardashian is upset about gaining weight while pregnant.

I have CAPSY thoughts about this:

1) YOU’RE PREGNANT. What did you think was going to happen?

2)  WE KNOW YOU’RE PREGNANT. NOBODY THINKS YOU ARE FAT. And besides, anyone who body-shames a pregnant lady can seriously shove it with knobs on. 

3) You are seriously missing out on the ONE TIME in most women’s lives when they don’t have to suck in, and can in fact shove out their stomachs and go, “CHECK OUT THIS AWESOME GIANT BELLY.” It’s really fun. Bump it up! Don’t hide it! Enjoy the freedom.

4) THOSE PANTS ARE NOT FREEDOM.

5 YOUR FETUS DOES NOT WANT TO WEAR HEINOUS GROIN-RUFFLE PANTS. NOBODY DOES. WHY ARE YOU?

6) I can’t believe I’m saying this, but LET KOURTNEY BE YOUR GUIDE.

7) If gaining weight bothers you that much, JUST WEAR SOME EMPIRE-WAIST DRESSES. YOU ARE MAKING EVERYTHING WORSE.

8 ) Repeat that last one over and over, like, a lot, about whatever.

** I may need to clarify that I am not trying to say that pregnant women can’t be thrown off by the changes in their bodies. But there is a difference between that and denial. To me, wearing those pants doesn’t say, “I am feeling awkward about my changing form.” Rather, that garment, to me, is a fingers-in-ears scream of, “LA LA LA NOTHING IS
CHANGING AT ALL.” My point was, don’t let denial get in the way of biological necessity — and also, those trousers are odious. But the former is dipping into armchair psychoanalysis, so I apologize if I overstepped…

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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Fug Fugfugfugfug


Sweet lord.

She’s dressed like an unholy hybrid of Liza Minnelli, Wynonna Judd, Dorothy Zbornak, and an interplanetary overlord. If she’s being this melodramatic about her bump when there barely IS one, then by the time she pops she’s going to be in full Jedi robes. I can’t wait. And I have never said that before with regards to anything a Kardashian has done, so you KNOW I’m expecting divine insanity.

[Photo: Splash]

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There Are No More Fugging Wordplays For Her Anymore


“THIS IS AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE FOR ALL OF THE WORLD.”

“I DID NOT AUTHORIZE THAT COAT. SHE DID NOT CHECK WITH ME FIRST, WHICH IS THE WORST, ‘CAUSE NOW I’LL GET CURSED BECAUSE SHE DOVE INTO A SKUNK HEADFIRST. ALTHOUGH PEPYE LE PEW HAS A NICE RING TO IT SO MAYBE THIS IS THE BABYE TRYING TO SEND US A MESSAGE. I WISH I SPOKE EMBRYE.”

[PHOTO: INF DAILY]

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