Fugger: Mischa Barton

Well Played, Mischa Barton

Who knew?

Mischa Barton works so much better as a WWII beach babe pin-up girl than…well, almost anything else she’s tried.

[Photo: Splash]


Fugsha Barton

Oh, Mischa.

Don’t look so down. The pants come off, you know. (Hopefully the same can be said for whatever is keeping your Hanes tucked in with such military precision, but if you used Gorilla Glue, well, let’s just say I hope SAG gives you a great insurance plan.)

[Photo: Flynet]


The O.Fug.

I quite want to like this, and from the bottom up I even do; from her hairline to her chin it’s also good, but good HOLY HELL… if there were such a thing a scroll-middle, this would be it.

I have many notes.

  1. BUGS.
  3. Are those roaches?
  4. Let’s say they aren’t. Let’s say they’re creatively rendered ants. Know what happens when you creatively render an ant the size of a roach? IT LOOKS LIKE A ROACH.
  5. EW.
  6. GROSS.
  8. Let’s say they are roaches. Making roaches in a bunch of pretty colors basically just means you’re making roaches in a bunch of pretty colors. Get it? They’re still roaches. This shirt is going to live on after the world is a smoking pile of post-apocalyptic embers, and when our new alien overlords get wind of it coupled with all the actual roaches still scuttling around, they will think we prized roaches above all on our strange planet and hand them all the mystical powers and advanced technology we humans have ever craved, and then suddenly the world will be populated with SUPER ROACHES who will resurrect Mischa from the grave, use her to engender some kind of human-cockroach hybrid, and then ultimately spread that species’ repellent seed throughout the universe. I hope Mischa can live with that.
  9. Does Raid make a body spray?
  10. Never mind — I think Axe is basically the same thing.

But this isn’t all Mischa wore recently after that Cannes triumph. In fact, maybe there’s an explanation for why she chose this blouse.

answers ahoy


Well Played, Mischa Barton

Hold on to your hats and glasses, as they say at Disneyland, because this might just blow them right off:

Mischa Barton, the surprise Cinderella Story of this year’s Fug Madness — if going far in a competition designed to figure out who was the fugliest celeb of the year can BE a Cinderella Story — looks kinda great. The dress will not win any design competitions, but it’s pretty, it’s flattering, it fits her, it’s 100% appropriate for the event, and she doesn’t look like she just got dragged backward through a hedge in it.  Her face doesn’t look crazy, and her hair is…on her head. I CALL THIS VICTORY.


The Sixth Fug

I don’t know which is more disturbing:

The fact that Mischa Barton is posing with handbags at something called the Reality Rocks Expo, or that she’s doing it in a jacket made of a bathmat.


Fug Madness 2011: The Final Game

final game


AT LAST THERE ARE TWO. Two blondes. Two child actors turned teen-drama centerpieces. Two girls whose Get-A-Grip friends seem to have gone on permanent hiatus. Two women who have trampled over the likes of Rihanna, Lady Gaga, Miley Cyrus, and the combined power of both the Olsen twins and Will Smith’s entire family to make it here to the big dance, the whole sandwich, the one for all the marbles. Are you ready, Fug Nation, to cast your vote and choose which of these two Princesses of WTFery and frequent Oh Honey No recipients most deserves the crown of  Fug Madness Champion? Choose wisely — check out Taylor’s and Mischa’s archives if you need to — and remember, only their efforts from the past year (essentially, from Oscars 2010 to Oscars 2011) are eligible.  Think long, think hard, study the examples in the slideshow and carefully CAST YOUR VOTE:

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Fug Madness 2011: Final Four, Game Two


This matchup really encapsulates the battle of two different fugs — and yet I contend they’re not actually that different after all. Yes, Mischa probably thinks she looks good in all her clothes, without an accompanying statement. But just because Lady Gaga barfs up a lofty reason for all her attention-whoring — namely, that it’s art — it doesn’t mean she doesn’t also think she looks really awesome. In fact, I’d venture that she for sure thinks she is rocking our world. To me, the bottom line is, fug is fug is fug, whether you’re wearing it because you think it’s art or because you think it’s artful. But that’s just my opinion, and I always enjoy when our readers duke out their points of view in the comments. This should be a brisk debate. Bring it, Fug Nation. Certainly these two deserve whatever you sling at them about their outfits.

I think one big reason Gaga ultimately downed Nicki Minaj is how damn dour she is. Nicki’s cheerful craziness elevates some of her hideous clothes into something I can feel affection for, whereas Gaga just seems like she’s having a miserable time.

And who can blame her? She’s in Milan, spending all her time dressed as a dominatrix bride. I’m sure that’s not fun to do, nor to be around — I mean, would you want to hang out with this person? It’s like, “Oh, great, Gaga has to use the bathroom. We’re not getting out of here for another half-hour AND she’s going to need me to buckle her panties.”

I’m not sure I’d want to hang out with this, either:

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