Fugger: Mischa Barton

Well Played, Mischa Barton


Mischa Barton’s new stylist has come roaring back out of the jaws of defeat.

She looks pretty good. She might even look great, except for how I don’t love dresses that are designed to look like you can’t keep them up. Still: clean, healthy, sparkly… She has washed Fug Madness 2011 right out of her hair. It’s a week-after-tax-day miracle.

[Photo: WENN]

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The Fug. C


Mischa Barton has come out recently saying that she’s hired a stylist to help her pull her look together.

Yeah, how’s that working for you?

[Photos: Splash]

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Oscars Fug or Fab: Mischa Barton


Well, regardless of what you think, let’s all raise a glass to the sky and thank whatever overlords have yanked Mischa Barton out of her fugmire.

But have they dragged her all the way out, or is she, say, 80 percent of the way there, but still kicking the quicksand off her legs?

Judge!

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Well Played, Mischa Barton


Who knew?

Mischa Barton works so much better as a WWII beach babe pin-up girl than…well, almost anything else she’s tried.

[Photo: Splash]

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Fugsha Barton


Oh, Mischa.

Don’t look so down. The pants come off, you know. (Hopefully the same can be said for whatever is keeping your Hanes tucked in with such military precision, but if you used Gorilla Glue, well, let’s just say I hope SAG gives you a great insurance plan.)

[Photo: Flynet]

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The O.Fug.


I quite want to like this, and from the bottom up I even do; from her hairline to her chin it’s also good, but good HOLY HELL… if there were such a thing a scroll-middle, this would be it.

I have many notes.

  1. BUGS.
  2. GIANT BUGS.
  3. Are those roaches?
  4. Let’s say they aren’t. Let’s say they’re creatively rendered ants. Know what happens when you creatively render an ant the size of a roach? IT LOOKS LIKE A ROACH.
  5. EW.
  6. GROSS.
  7. I SERIOUSLY HATE COCKROACHES.
  8. Let’s say they are roaches. Making roaches in a bunch of pretty colors basically just means you’re making roaches in a bunch of pretty colors. Get it? They’re still roaches. This shirt is going to live on after the world is a smoking pile of post-apocalyptic embers, and when our new alien overlords get wind of it coupled with all the actual roaches still scuttling around, they will think we prized roaches above all on our strange planet and hand them all the mystical powers and advanced technology we humans have ever craved, and then suddenly the world will be populated with SUPER ROACHES who will resurrect Mischa from the grave, use her to engender some kind of human-cockroach hybrid, and then ultimately spread that species’ repellent seed throughout the universe. I hope Mischa can live with that.
  9. Does Raid make a body spray?
  10. Never mind — I think Axe is basically the same thing.

But this isn’t all Mischa wore recently after that Cannes triumph. In fact, maybe there’s an explanation for why she chose this blouse.

answers ahoy

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