Fugger: Miley Cyrus

Well Played Cover: Miley Cyrus on Cosmo


Well. I definitely don’t plan to “twerk [my] ass off” this holiday season, but I DO think this cover is totally festive. Every magazine in the world which chose to feature Miley WITHOUT her tongue flapping all over creation must be thanking the sweet heavens right now, because seeing her smiling (and, it must be said, very well made-up) feels completely refreshing. Obviously, if she were to wear this dress out into the universe, I would wonder how hard Katy Perry was crying into her coffee about missing out on it — it looks like it was designed by the makers of Candy Crush — but it’s undeniably charming for a holiday magazine cover. And now if you will excuse me, I’m going to have some Jolly Ranchers for breakfast.

[Photo: Peter Pedonomou/Cosmopolitan]

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Well Played, Miley Cyrus


I’m glad to see that Marc Jacobs made sure Miley cleaned up nice for an evening where she was presenting him with an award. (I also must admit that the more people freak out about Miley, the more I get that contrary urge to defend her. This may be in part because I really like belting “Wrecking Ball” in the car.)

[Photos: Getty]

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Fug or Fab the Cover: Miley Cyrus on Harper’s Bazaar


Miley’s makeup always looks better in magazine shoots — she has never, especially with the punky hair, looked better to me than on the Cosmo cover a year ago — and so from that standpoint this works for her.

It’s the attitude that spoils it for me. Not that she’s not permitted to have an attitude; whatever keeps her yacht afloat. But I interpret the basic Harper’s Bazaar target reader as being in the older, more established, more affluent InStyle demo, which means Miley is a strange choice no matter how sophisticated you try to make her look, but also: I can’t imagine the Harper’s woman really wants to read a magazine whose cover screams Your Teenage Daughter Who Is, Like, Hella Crazy Pissed At You Because You Won’t Rent A Hamptons House For Her And Her Friends After Prom, And Also, OMG, You Totes Don’t Understand, Like, Life, And Stuff, Mom.

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Fug Can’t Stop


If your only impression of Miley Cyrus is that she’s the one with the tongue and the abs, this won’t change that.

It might, however, make you wonder if she she just robbed the house of  a lesser pop band member from the late ’80s/early ’90s — say, the anonymous third guy in Bros – who was too busy writing nostalgic poems in his Filofax about the good times his lower half had in this outfit, calling them things like “Ladder Pants (Climb To Me)” and “Mesh Helps Your Junk Breathe” to notice his prize was being pilfered from him.

And there’s more, a nildly NSFW way:

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Wrecking Fug


Dear Miley,

Seriously, forget those shorts — or “shorts.” Although if they’re ANYTHING, “short” is accurate — and just invest in a big ol’ bag of Jockeys full-coverage briefs. Same silhouette, SO much cheaper!

Frugally yours,

Jessica

[Photo: Getty]

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Fug the Show: Miley on Saturday Night Live


It was an interesting musical night on SNL — like Miley was making a concerted effort to change the narrative around her after the VMAs, turning the volume way back down from eleven to about… six. She starred in an opening sketch parodying her twerking performance as the end of humanity as we know it, and for her performances, stayed clothed (although went with transparency) and belted out the ballad “Wrecking Ball” and then a stripped-down acoustic “We Can’t Stop,” as if to try and quiet the people who claim she hides behind tomfoolery and over-production because she has no talent. (The problem being that when you have fairly dumb lyrics, like “We all so turned up here, getting turned up, yeah, yeah,” this kind of arrangement exposes them — even Miley snickered a couple times.) Sure, she had a couple flat notes here and there, and at this point if you don’t like her voice then this likely wasn’t going to change your mind. But it was a ballsy, confident move, and probably a smart one. She may, like Kanye, overimagine her own schematic brilliance. But she’s still no dummy.

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