I was going to compliment Lil’ Kim on her relative modesty this year, considering that only 98 percent of the total acreage of her breasts was visible to the public. Not a nipple in sight. But then I caught a full-body shot of her arrival:
In that dress she looks like some kind of deranged peacock-turned-synchronized swimmer. Also:
Dear Lil’ Kim:
Congratulations. You have a vagina. But you know what? So do I. Yet when I’m in public it somehow, magically, manages to stay inside my pants. If you would like some tips on vaginal concealment, I suggest that you contact some professionals — like, say, Diane Keaton’s stylist. I think that person could teach you a lot.