Fugger: Lil' Kim

You Try And Come Up With Another Pun For Lil’ Kim

I don’t even know anymore.

It’s not like I’m surprised. It’s more like I’m wondering when we’re actually going to see her entire vagina. I’m about to start taking bets. I’ll take the under on 6 months. Who’s in?


The Fugly In Red

To the inventor of what is apparently industrial-strength boob tape:

Lil’ Kim has taught the world a lot of important lessons. For example, as long as there is a swatch of fabric somewhere on your person, then technically you are considered clothed and fit for public consumption. Or, as demonstrated above, that as long as something encircles part of your arm and is somehow connected to the rest of the outfit, then that thing can be considered a sleeve. My life will not be the same.

But I owe you a debt of gratitude, because without your marvelous double-sided invention, the world could not safely learn these lessons. We wouldn’t be able to study at her School of Skank, because we’d be forced to behold Lil’ Kims nipples while she’s teaching, and that is considered the leading potential cause of blindness and/or insanity. So thank you, kind sir or madam. You are the real hero. You are the reason she can wear her wrist on a red fabric leash without also letting the dogs out; your tape is the Breast Police, and it is blessedly unafraid of making arrests.

God bless you and keep you.



New York Fugshion Week: Lil’ Kim

Ever wondered what a bottle of Pepto Bismol would look like if it had even less subtlety, and mated with an insect of some kind?


VMA Fug Carpet: Lil’ Kim

I was going to compliment Lil’ Kim on her relative modesty this year, considering that only 98 percent of the total acreage of her breasts was visible to the public. Not a nipple in sight. But then I caught a full-body shot of her arrival:

In that dress she looks like some kind of deranged peacock-turned-synchronized swimmer. Also:

Dear Lil’ Kim:

Congratulations. You have a vagina. But you know what? So do I. Yet when I’m in public it somehow, magically, manages to stay inside my pants. If you would like some tips on vaginal concealment, I suggest that you contact some professionals — like, say, Diane Keaton’s stylist. I think that person could teach you a lot.



Can I Get A Fug Fug?

The thing I like best about Lil’ Kim is her delicate grasp of decorum and modesty.