Fugger: Lea Michele
Lea Michele has been all over the place lately, trying too hard to be sultry and tween-y and edgy, as if she can’t figure out which direction to go in to make people buy her album, and is therefore coming across as inconsistent and mixed-up and crazy.
This is no exception. The hair and makeup are actually fine, at long last, and the detailing on her dress is certainly intricate, but something about the entire design is EXTREMELY matronly on her. Which is quite an achievement on a gown that also wants that nude look, but seriously — and by design, I’m sure — its illusion netting is rolling like Play-Doh up there around her neck and at her elbows. So it doesn’t REALLY expect you to believe it’s that slinky and tricky. It knows you’re not fooled, and actually, it almost seems kind of over itself. Why else would it quit at the elbows? That destroys the illusion almost as thoroughly as the piping itself. Throw in the stumpifying effect, and you’ve got a cocktail that MAY have needed a bit more shaking before the bartemder poured it into the glass. Play mixologist in the comments. Be the Tom Cruise. Make cocktails and dreams, and if you want, give us a poem.
Speaking of: This was the second Coachella photo I saw. And I tweeted it and said that I was fairly sure it would stand as the stupidest one of all. And then some people gave her some REALLY stiff competition.
[Photos. Splash, Fame/Flynet, Pacific Coast News, WENN]
There’s a lot about this that I really like:
The No Makeup makeup, which I always love on a teen-oriented magazine, the vow that big hair is back (you know I love big hair), the dreamy retro filter that makes her look like she’s just fallen out of a box of photographs someone once kept at the top of their guest closet, the white eyelet top. I have a white eyelet thing. I once bought a white eyelet Marc Jacobs shift dress at the Barney’s Warehouse sale and I still think of that dress sometimes, even though I never wore it and I ended up selling it on eBay because it made me look like a giant envelope.
But I just want to know what’s wrong with her hands and why she’s about to eat that weed. I know you’re a vegetarian, Lea! I saw you on Top Chef. But maybe try an avocado instead! (Actually, the day Teen Vogue runs a cover with an actress biting into an avocado like an apple is the day I send the Avocado Lobby forty bucks in cash.)