Fugger: Katie Holmes

Fug/Fab Face-Off: Victoria Beckham vs. Katie Holmes


Back in the day, this might have been a cakewalk for Katie Holmes, but Posh has turned herself into a formidable opponent — and Katie, less of one.

Which look is better? NO WAFFLING.

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[Photos: AKM-GSI, Fame-Flynet]

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Well Played, Katie Holmes


You may disagree with me — FEEL FREE, since the heat has totally melted my brain and I might seriously just be typing, like, “banana Jenga pantyhose lemur” right now — but I seriously feel like she looks better here than she has in a REALLY long time.

[Photos: Fame/Flynet]

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Fug or Fab: Katie Holmes in Zac Posen


The new tradition around these parts is to first admire Miss Holmes’s face, I think:

From this angle, this entire thing is very balletic — remember when Katie Holmes was pretending she was A Great Dancer? Not that she’s a abjectly BAD dancer, but from what I can recall, she was basically like That Girl In Your High School Who Dances Competently But She Basically Landed That Part In The Musical Thanks To Charm So Don’t Worry About Saving Her A Spot, ABT. (That link goes to a YouTube video of her “Get Happy” performance on So You Think You Can Dance and I think she suffered from comparison with actual dancer dancers; that said, it’s a GREAT reminder of how good that bob haircut was on her). Apparently, the memo for The Giver premiere-goers was, “wear pink!”

Let’s see the whole thing:

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What the Fug: Katie Holmes in Michael Kors


Let’s experience this together as I did: First, with a shot of Katie that was in close-up.

Katie Holmes in Michael Kors

I thought to myself, “Well, one-shoulder, but whatever, maybe it has potential. I like her makeup.  I wish she was dating someone that would get Us Weekly to stop writing about Kendra Wilkinson. Let’s fix her up. Is Chris Evans still potentially dating Sandra Bullock? I don’t want to get in the way of that. What’s Henry Cavill up to, aside from putting on Superman tights and probably getting poker tips from Ben Affleck? I’ll have to think about this.”

And then I got on with it and found a full-length shot:

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Fug/Fab the Cover Face-Off: Katie Holmes on Glamour vs Zoe Saldana on Marie Claire


We wrote about this Katie Holmes cover for Vanity Fair a couple weeks ago, as it compared to Brooke Shields’ iconic Calvin Klein ads. But somehow I didn’t notice it was sharing newsstand space with a similar theme. So now let’s throw THOSE into the Thunderdome, shall we?

Katie Holmes on Glamour, August 2014

I think Katie’s face looks great, and the alluring pose works on her — she’s good with a twinkle of naughty. But as we noted for Vanity Fair, I believe, my biggest problem is that I don’t actually like these jeans. I’m not a fan of the Trouser Jean, in general, but I’m distracted by the pockets flapping open at me, like they have something loud to say, and … let’s just say this: This one is the JEANS issue, not the DENIM issue, so you’d think they’d get the jeans part right; instead, her top half to me looks much more arresting than the bottom.

Also, and I know this is dumb, that ampersand above Angelina Jolie’s name looks too much like a treble clef. There, I said it.

Zoe stars on Marie Claire’s DENIM issue, which I am capsifying because boy, did they:

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Met Gala Fug Carpet: Katie Holmes in Marchesa


Last night, on Twitter, I noted that she looks like a drunken extra in Kiss Me Kate, and I stand by that in the harsh, cold light of day. Because WHAT:

Everything about this looks like it was wadded up in a closet and forgotten about until five minutes before curtain. INCLUDING HER HAIR.

[Photo: Getty]

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