Fugger: Katherine Heigl
Katherine Heigl got to talk some more about how difficult she allegedly is. I might be coming around on her now, honestly. Because while I totally believe she can be a pain in the ass — remember when she didn’t submit herself for an Emmy because she thought the Grey’s writers did a shitty job for her that season? You might believe that, but saying it in public is a great way to find your character shoved down an elevator shaft — if she’s not a pain in the ass, people asking her about how much of an ass-pain she is might turn her into one. ALL THAT ASIDE: She looks great.
You can watch the promo reels here. Also: I thought it would be a fight to see whether Debra Messing or Katherine Heigl is least convincing in her technical dialogue, but based on the reels, it’s Messing, hands-down, who is as solid a choice for a cop as Rachel Bilson was for a go-getter heart surgeon (but I still love you, Dixie).
Bad Judge: Kate Walsh is a PROFESSIONAL LADYPERSON who is also a TOTAL MESS in her personal life! She manages to drink and be crass and party and have sex in her office while also meting out punishments in small-claims court! There’s a child to give her a heart! There’s a rip-off of the “Put That Thing Back Where It Came From Or So Help Me” joke from Monsters Inc.! Bad looks like the operative word!
State of Affairs: Katherine Heigl is a PROFESSIONAL LADYPERSON who is also a TOTAL MESS in her personal life! She manages to drink and sleep around while also meting out punishments to terrorists! (She even says, “Total slob in my personal life, total sniper in my professional one,” in case the reel was way too subtle for us.) There is President Alfre Woodard’s Dead Son to give her heart! There’s a rip-off of Homeland (blonde, kind of unhinged, also kind of brilliant, really hates terrorists)! State — as in, it’s in one — looks like the operative word!
Mysteries of Laura: Debra Messing is a PROFESSIONAL LADYPERSON who is also a TOTAL MESS in her personal life! She manages to clean up her family messes while also meting out punishments to criminals! There are her twin sons and her maybe-still-into-her almst-ex husband Josh Lucas to give her heart! It might not be a rip-off, but there’s a really hacky joke where they want you to think she’s enterting a bloody crime scene, and she is… but it was a crime of HER CHILDREN MAKING A MESS WITH PAINT! Bonus points for hacky use of Tom Jones’ “She’s A Lady”! Mystery — as in, why it got picked up — looks like the operative word!
A to Z: This looks like How I Met Your Mother – right down to starring The Mother, Cristin Milioti (here, as Adorable Brunette Whom We Are Expected To Believe Has No Romantic Experience, Or Something) — except without the flashbacks, and beginning with the meet-cute. It’s one of those Comedies With Heart, and it also stars Ginsberg from Mad Men, who is super cute when he’s allowed to shave the mustache. The reel is charming enough, but it would require a great ensemble, I think, to give itself legs, and they’re not in the clip enough to convince me of anything.
Marry Me: I’m concerned about what plagues Happy Endings creator David Caspe. His first show was about a couple splitting up at the altar, and then this one is about a pair (one of whom, Casey Wilson, is his actual fiance; the other is Ken Marino) that has a huge fight about his commitment issues… except he was about to propose, and now they’re trying really hard to convince each other that it’s meant to be, or something? Honestly, this clip reel played like a self-contained series of vignettes that they’d air as commercials, like those Taster’s Choice ads, except it would be for deodorant. It’s another one that needs a dynamite ensemble to grow into, I think, because otherwise I’m not sure what the show is. I always watch these things and think, “Okay, but what is season three?” and I just have NO IDEA what that looks like with this one.
Constantine: It’s based on a comic. He’s a demon hunter. He’s not a great actor. It was once a Keanu Reeves movie… I think I’d have been okay if it had stayed one.
[Photos: WENN, Getty]
Before we begin, I have to say that Jessica and I watched One For The Money recently — we were in the mood to see a hilariously bad movie — and oh, boy, was it a mess. Not even fun-bad; just flat-out BAD, and confusing, and therefore depressing. We literally sat there in silence and then turned on Love Ranch, so we could watch Joe Pesci and Helen Mirren be a married couple running a brothel, and I’m not kidding, it was a major step up. Heigl’s accent in that movie joins the pantheon of Fake Accents That Come And Go With Reckless Abandon (see also: Jessica Alba from Honey), and none of it makes a lick of sense. Wonder if she’s missing those Grey’s Anatomy accolades right about now.
In other news, she appears slowly to be solving the conundrum that was her haircut…
… but WHAT i going on with her lower half? Those shoes are all wrong (and possibly manure-colored?). And those dishwater tights give her Muppet legs — as in, they somehow look like exactly the same color and texture as Miss Piggy’s. This is only acceptable if you actually karate-chop someone who has wronged you and/or can ride a motorcycle through a stained-glass window without sustaining a scratch.
this incredibly interesting and quite damning Star Market that Vulture did. Girlfriend’s career is in trouble. So what does your momager do when things are circling the drain? RELEASE THE JOLIE.