Fugger: Kate Hudson

It’ll Do, Kate Hudson


First off: there is nothing wrong with this (although I think the pants are an eighth of an inch too long), and I thank the stars and sandwiches above us that the Venice Film Festival has started, so THINGS ARE HAPPENING AGAIN that aren’t just, like, “Kate Walsh Looks At Watermelons At Whole Foods!” — no offense to Kate Walsh, as I am sure even she thinks that looking at watermelons is fairly prosaic. HOWEVER:

When I saw this in thumbnail form in our image provider, I thought it was Gwyneth Paltrow, and then I decided, YES. Kate Hudson needs to make a movie in which she cracks her head on the edge of her toilet and wakes up as a sociopath hellbent on Single White Female-ing Gywneth Paltrow…no matter what the cost. I don’t mean that I want GOOP and Hudson to star in a remake of SWF. I mean that I want this movie to feature Kate Hudson playing EVIL KATE HUDSON and Gwynnie playing herself…except herself as terrified of Kate Hudson. And obviously, no one else in GOOP’s life believes that Kate Hudson is trying to kill/ruin/destroy her, because….you know. It’s Kate Hudson. “It’s just Kate Hudson,”  Chris Martin would say, briefly looking up from his piano. “She’s harmless. Didn’t you see How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days? Actually, that reminds me: she called and asked me if I wanted to get drinks this week.” And then Kate Hudson would start a lifestyle newsletter called HUUD, all about the organic citrus she’s cultivating in Malibu with her friend Wolfgang Puck, and the best places to stay in cities around the world (“If you’re going to be in Jakarta, this hotel called The Four Seasons is lovely“).  And then Gucci starts giving KATE all the best white double-breasted blazers, not Gwynnie. And the movie climaxes, of course, on the roof of the aforementioned Indonesian Four Seasons, with a full on-Kate Hudson/Gwyneth Paltrow bitch-fight in which they are BOTH wearing this suit and ripping each other’s $3000 blonde extensions out. Who will fall to her death, and who will live to become/remain Gwyneth Paltrow? You will just have to see the movie.

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Well Played, Kate Hudson


Someone tweeted us, “Well, I think Kate Hudson won the White House Correspondents’ Dinner.”

Hard to argue — I mean, you know about my struggle with topknots, yet the updo is totally working for me. Or, to keep up the sports parlance, she didn’t merely win it; she took it in a four-game sweep. Pitched a shut-out. Had a triple-double. Double-eagled to win the Masters. Threw six TDs and no picks. Served an ace to take it 6-0, 6-0, 6-0, because she’s so badass, she’s playing best of five. Caught the Golden Snitch, yet conveniently ONLY at a time when the other team wasn’t already ahead by more than 150 points (oh, Quidditch, I will never be able to love you truly). In other other words, I love her in purple sequins, and I’m totally going to do some crunches now.

[Photo: Getty]

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Oscars Fug or Fab: Kate Hudson


Ultimately I like this better than I thought I did, but let’s discuss the illusion netting anyway. It’s never NOT fun to talk about illusion netting. My trick will be whether I can do it without dropping a triple-toe loop reference… wait. Dammit.

To net, or not to net?

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[Photos: Getty]

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Fug or Fab: Kate Hudson


So, as I may have let slip yesterday, I recently fell down a How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days rabbit hole. And I’ve concluded that a) it’s really not a good movie, although also eminently watchable; b) some of the McConaughey parts are incredibly sexist (like referring to his two female colleagues as Lips and Hips); and c) if Kate Hudson’s alleged spring 2010 boob job DID actually happen, it’s too bad she felt she had to go there because she was perfectly lovely when she rocked the A-cups. I know she’s post-pregnancy now, but some of that cleavage did appear seemingly at random way back then, and although it’s none of my business I do sort of think it’s a shame. It was refreshing that she wasn’t your typical boobalicious over-tanned blonde bombshell. And her hair, back then? HER OWN. I know.  I mean, it might be now, too, but back then it was untamed and occasionally windblown and downright crispy in a few shots. She was rootably adorable because she wasn’t obvious. Of course, back then, she was in more likable movies than Bride Wars or Something Borrowed (although she’s actually quite funny in that one) or Alex & Emma or Fool’s Gold or You, Me, and Dupree. So maybe she just needs a new agent, and I’ll stop worrying about her chest and start paying to go see her in theaters.

First, the gold dress:

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And now the black:

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[Photos: WENN]

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Fug or Fab The Fake Makeover: Kate Hudson


Kate Hudson is currently shooting what might be the boringest-titled movie in the history of film: The Reluctant Fundamentalist. It feels like someone named it by picking adjectives and nouns out of a hat. It could as easily have been The Naysaying Botanist, or The Jacketed Existentialist, or The Mild Gardener. Anyway, for her undoubtedly fascinating role in The Pensive Chemist, Kate has donned a brunette wig. I’m curious as to what you think.

Am I crazy or does it give her a Wino Forever vibe? Old-school Wino, though, circa Heathers. I’m trying to imagine this color actually properly dyed on her real hair, and in the end I think it would be all wrong. I mean, sure, it could work for The Uncertain Barber, or The Disinterested Mixologist. But for Kate Hudson? She’s Goldie Hawn’s daughter. A slightly messy head of blonde hair is not only in her DNA, but it’s her family calling card. And so I feel like, why are you casting Kate Hudson in your movie to be anything else? Because the whole time I’ve looked at this photo, I’ve been thinking, “Hey, look, The Tedious Zoologist looks like Kate Hudson in a bad wig.” Not promising for your film.

Call it:

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[Photo: Pacific Coast News]

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Fug or Fine: Kate Hudson


“Oh, don’t PATRONIZE me. I know what this is. I’m pregnant, and everyone wants me to get married, so the only thing anyone wants me to have is some dumb satin sack with some dumb glittery bodice like I am some dumb shotgun bride. Well, I’m ENGAGED, isn’t that ENOUGH? If you won’t give me a fishtail hem the size of New Jersey or a ballerina dress so short I could give birth in it, or a necktie that’s taller than Tom Brady, then can’t you leave a girl and her bejeweled bird-dropping headpiece ALONE with the appetizers and a seltzer? GOD.”

Is Kate right to look so crabby?

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