“SO THE OTHER DAY I WAS LIKE, DAMN, YOU KNOW ALL THOSE PEOPLE WHO MAKE CLOTHES? THEY’RE OKAY AND ALL, AND I RESPECT THEIR CREATIVE MAGIC, EXCEPT FOR HOW I COULD TOTALLY DO IT BETTER. I DESERVE THIS RUNWAY SHOW MORE THAN THEY DO BECAUSE I AM THE MOST MODEST DOPE PERSON YOU WILL EVER MEET. I’M SO HUMBLE, I’M LIKE A SHED IN A SEA OF MANSIONS, EXCEPT IT’S A REALLY TRICKED OUT SHED WITH A SWIMMING POOL AND A BAR AND A BIG-ASS TV AND THAT NFL PACKAGE. SO LOOK AT MY CLOTHES. THEY’RE BETTER THAN YOURS, ALTHOUGH I CAN’T TELL YOU THAT IN PUBLIC OR ELSE I’M GOING TO HAVE TO LET YOU WRITE A SONG ABOUT HOW SAD YOU ARE AND NOBODY WANTS THAT. CLOWNS DON’T CRY BECAUSE IT’S FUNNY. THEY CRY BECAUSE THEY HATE BEING CLOWNS, RIGHT? YEAH. YOU GET IT.”
Fugger: Kanye West
“HEY YO, MET BALLERS, WHAT IS UP, I AM IN YOUR TOWN SO DON’T FROWN IN YOUR GOWNS THAT MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE FANCY CLOWNS, BECAUSE NOW YOU HAVE BEEN TOUCHED BY THE GENIUS. AND IF YOU HAVEN’T, GIVE IT TEN MINUTES, BECAUSE I WILL MAKE IT THROUGH THE WHOLE ROOM AT SOME POINT. IT MUST BE HARD TO BE A LADY. IT TOOK ME AN HOUR TO GET DRESSED AND I’M JUST WEARING A SUIT. I HAD TO ARGUE WITH THIS JACKET ABOUT HOW TO CLOSET IT. THE JACKET SAID A BRASS BUTTON BELONGS THERE BUT I WAS LIKE, ‘HEY, YOU ARE TALENTED AND ALL, AND YOU REALLY KNOW HOW TO KEEP SHIT CLOSED, BUT BEYONCE IS A WAY BETTER BUTTON, SHE DESERVES THIS OPPORTUNITY,’ AND THE JACKET WAS ALL, ‘BEYONCE ISN’T HERE, DUMBASS,’ AND I WAS ALL, ‘DO NOT SWEAR AT THE DARK LORD BECAUSE YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO FUN AFOUL OF MY SOCIAL FJORD THAT CUTS BETWEEN THE DUMMIES AND THE ADORED, SO KEEP GOING IF YOU WANT TO BE BORED BUT IF YOU’D RATHER BE INTELLECTUALLY GORED THEN RUN AWAY AND HEAD TOWARD THE KANYE WEST STORE WHERE THE PRODUCE IS ALWAYS FRESH AND WE HAVE A BUTCHER IN-HOUSE TO MAKE SURE ALL THE MEAT IS CUT PROPERLY.’ AND THE JACKET WAS ALL, ‘I FEEL THAT,’ SO WE COMPROMISED AND I FOUND THIS SAFETY PIN AND I SAID, ‘THIS SAFETY PIN IS ART, AND IF PEOPLE CAN’T HANDLE HOW MUCH ART IT IS, THEN THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO TO SAVE THEIR SOULS FROM BURNING IN HELL SURROUNDED BY DOGS PLAYING POKER, AM I RIGHT? SO I NAMED THE PIN BEYONCE AND NOW BEYONCE IS DOING A DAMN FINE JOB HOLDING MY COAT TOGETHER JUST LIKE I SAID SHE WOULD BECAUSE I AM A PROPHET WHO SPEWS WISDOM FOR PROFIT SO IF YOU HAVE A CAP ON THEN DOFF IT BECAUSE I FREAKING RULE YOUR LIFE. IS THAT DOPE? YES.”
“Hola lovers! So, now that all my Mini-Me peeps are gone, the focus can come back to the star of the show: Randy. HAHAHHHAHA. No. Yo! After the naked zombie death man sang last time, it was time for some beauty and some me and some spotlights on me and a suit of flowers that were symbolic of me and more me and then some people who love me and then YO WHAT UP IT’S KANYE WEST ROCKIN’ IDOL WITH A GIANT FUR VEST THAT YOU WILL NOT DETEST SO COME ON THIS QUEST TO GET FUNKY WITH ITS ZEST BE MY GUEST AT THE 2011 FURFEST AND NO I DO NOT JEST AND IN FRANCE I’M KANYE OUEST. ME = THE BEST.”
Nobody cares about the NFL’s Pro Bowl. Nobody even remembers that the NHL has an all-star game. People know about baseball’s, but it’s not a red-carpet affair. So why is the NBA’s all-star weekend such a big deal? My guess: Because of the clothes. (Two words: CHARTREUSE SATIN. Seriously, if you make it no further in this slideshow, you must at least get to slide 5, starring Darryl Dawkins and some awesomeness from his Wikipedia page.)
Amar’e Stoudamire here, fresh from the Tommy Hilfiger show at Fashion Week, clearly did not get the memo, as he’s resolutely clinging to a very respectable and distinguished Cuddly Professor look. Fortunately, not everyone was so restrained — and yes, that’s players AND celebrities. Come with me on a whirlwind tour of what people wore, and see why this event must never, ever be cancelled.