Fugger: Kanye West

Fug Fugfugfugfug


“YEAH THAT’S RIGHT HAWAII.

“MY GIRL AND I ARE GETTING FRO-YO, AND WE’RE GETTING IT TO GO, YO, ‘CAUSE WE’RE IN HAWAII AND IT’S A HUNDRED DEGREES ABOVE TWENTY BELOW, JOE. WHICH ACTUALLY MEANS I AM CONFUSED ABOUT WHY MY LADY IS WEARING SO MUCH LEATHER. WHY ARE HER SHOES WEARING SOCKS? THEY’RE LIKE A MEAN MAN-MADE POX, A TUBULAR SWEAT-BOX, SO UNLESS SHE’S WILY LIKE A FOX AND GOT HERSELF SOME LEG BOTOX, THEN I DON’T KNOW HOW SHE WALKS WITHOUT HER PORES LEAKING SALT-ROCKS. EXCEPT WAIT. I’M IN LEATHER PANTS, TOO. SO MAYBE SUMMER LEG SAUNAS ARE THE NEW CHERUB RUG. I’M GOING TO SWEAT AWAY TEN POUNDS JUST FROM MAKIN’ MY USUAL ROUNDS AND THEN MY CALVES WILL BE SINEWY MOUNDS AND ONE DAY I’LL RELEASE THE HOUNDS AND YOU’LL BE ALL, ‘THE SEXY? IT IS FOUND,’ AND THEN YOU’LL HEAR THE SOUND OF KRIS HUMPHRIES DOING FIFTY EXTRA PRESSES AT THE GYM WHILE HE CRIES. YES. LET IT BEGIN.”

[PHOTO: FAME/FLYNET]

react:

Fugm Fugfugshifug


“WHAT IS UP, DUDE. CAN I GET A BRO HUG? ‘CAUSE I GOT THE LOVE BUG. MY LADY’S KIM’S MILKSHAKE IS BEING SERVED BY THE JUG AND I TELL YOU WHAT IT’S GONNA GET CHUGGED ‘CAUSE I CAN DOWN IT IN TWO GLUGS. OKAY MAYBE THREE. IT IS A LOT OF MILKSHAKE.”

[PHOTOS: FAME/FLYNET]

react:

BET Well Played Beyonce, with Bonus Kimye


SOLANGE: SAVE ME.

BEYONCE: Is this seriously really happening? Seriously? I already need another drink to deal with these two.

JAY-Z: I don’t know what Beyonce is complaining about. I am having THE BEST TIME!

KANYE: TONIGHT IS DOPE AND I’D RHYME ABOUT HOW DOPE IT IS EXCEPT HEATHER IS ON VACATION SO JUST TAKE MY WORD FOR IT.

KIM: At last! I KNEW if I just hung around long enough, I’d get to meet Beyonce and soon we’re going to be best friends! Keeping Up with the Knowlesdashians here we come!!

SOLANGE: SAVE BOTH OF US. At least Beyonce looks good:

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react:

Fug or Fab the Fugwestshians


“WHAT UP WORLD, THIS IS MY LADY. YEAH, SHE’S STILL MARRIED, BUT IT’S NOT SHADY ‘CAUSE THIS CAT IS NOT ‘FRAIDY OF THAT TALL NEANDERTHAL WHO WANTS HIS PAYDAY, AND FINE, THOSE WORDS DON’T REALLY RHYME BUT WHEN I’M IN FRANCE MY SKILLS AREN’T MY BEST; DON’T BLAME ME, BLAME CANNESYE WEST.”

GIVE IT TO ME STRAIGHT Y'ALL:

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[PHOTOS: INF, WENN, PACIFIC COAST NEWS, FAMEFLYNET]

react:

Fugye Fugst


“WHAT UP, IT’S YEEZY, WITH KIM KARDASHEEZY. I CAN’T BELIEEZY THAT YOU THINK WE ARE CHEESY AND MAKE Y’ALL QUEASY. I JUST WANT TO BE FREEZY TO LOVE WHO I PLEASY, AND — DAMN, DID IT JUST GET BREEZY? AW, HELLSHIT, I ALMOST FLASHED MY WEEZY. JEEZY-CREEZY. TODAY IS MEAN.”

[Photos, which, to the best of my knowledge, are not faked: Splash]

react:

FUGYE WEST


“ARE YOU THERE AMERICA? IT’S ME, KANYE.”

“I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT FATE. I BELIEVE IT IS GREAT, LIKE MY STUBBLY PATE, BECAUSE IT LED ME TO MY MATE AND I EXPECT YOU TO CONGRATULATE. SEE, YOU MIGHT NOT THINK ME AND KIM KARDASHIAN HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON,  BUT LOOK, WE BOTH WEAR ANIMAL PRINT STUFF THAT HAS FUZZ AND ZIPPERS ON IT. AND WE BOTH ROCK THE TWITTER. WE KNOW HOW TO DELIVER ‘CAUSE WE BRING THE FUNK LIKE PACEY WITTER. SHE’S GOT TWICE MY FOLLOWERS, BUT I’M NOT BITTER (BESIDES, I’LL GIT ‘ER, ‘CAUSE I’M NO QUITTER). SHE IS CHRISSY AND I’M JOHN RITTER, THE HOTTIE OF THE LITTER AND THE HEAVY-GENIUS HITTER. THAT OTHER THREE’S COMPANY LADY CAN BE OUR BABYSITTER WHEN WE ADD MINI-KANYASHIANS TO OUR LITTER.  I LIKE CORN FRITTERS. I ALSO LIKE WINDBREAKERS THAT LOOK LIKE LAS VEGAS. I’LL BE ROY AND KIM’S MY SIEGFRIED.

SHIT, EXCEPT NOTHING RHYMES WITH SIEGFRIED SO I’M'A CALL HER FISCHBACHER BECAUSE THEN I CAN RAP ABOUT ORVILLE REDENBACHER AND THAT BRINGS US TO POPCORN WHICH IS MY FOOD PORN ALL PUFFY AND SALTY AND WARM AND WITH A DAMN DELICIOUS CURVY FORM AND DRENCHED WITH BUTTER LIKE AN EAR OF CORN, AND THEN WE’RE BACK AT CORN FRITTERS, MAN. THEY ARE THE BOMB. SEE YOU AT THE WEDDING.”

[PHOTO: GETTY]

react: