Fugger: Jessica Simpson

White House Correspondents’ Dinner Fugs and Fabs: The Pastels and the Patterns


I am about to be (mostly) nice to Jessica Simpson. AND Katharine McPhee. I know. Prepare yourself.

[Photos: Getty]

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Fugloween 2012


Here are two things I’ve learned from doing postings this Halloween: 1) I am pretty sure Chris Brown’s costume is going to make your head explode, and b) I’d best not even try to ID most of these costume for fear of angering Fug Nation when I get it wrong. Some folks are REALLY disgusted that I happen not to have seen Moonlight Kingdom. It’s like I personally knifed them, just because I can’t watch or get to the movies as much as I’d like. Please forgive, Fug Nation. I hate it when we fight. At LEAST wait until I can acquire and don some leggings as pants, so that your disappointment can be complete.

[Photos: WENN, Fame/Flynet, Pacific Coast News, Bauer-Griffin, INF]

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Fug or Fab the Cover: Jessica Simpson


Let me guess: HOW GAINING WEIGHT MADE HER HAPPIER does not include the actual REASON Jessica Simpson has gained a ton of weight lately, namely, that she is GESTATING ANOTHER HUMAN BEING. Which surely has made her happier, and is a very good reason to BE happy, but was certainly totally unmentioned in this interview. That always seems so very awkward for a magazine — and maybe, therefore, it’s a good rule of thumb to not run a cover line like, “how gaining weight made her happier” when you know that, based on photos and rumors from at least the last several months, THE HER in question might be cooking a bun in ye old oven. At least so as to avoid people rolling their eyes when they see the cover line.

THAT BEING SAID: I actually think J. Simp looks really pretty here. Yes, her hair — to filch a line from Heather — looks as though it’s been dropped on her head from above. That is one big-ass wig. But her makeup is pretty and natural and she looks NORMAL, rather than like a girl with a stuffed-up nose who just got hit on the back of the head with a brick, which is how she often looks in photos. With that, I can find no fault.

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Fug Kisses


OH GIRL. You have a seventy-billion dollar fashion empire. Did NO ONE ever tell you that if you’re wearing something roomy on the bottom, to wear something fitted on top, and vice-versa? THAT’S LIKE REMEDIAL FASHION 101. Are you TRYING to get summer school?

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Fug the Ad: Jessica Simpson


I guess I FANCY YOU must be the Daytime Slacks version of J Simp’s other perfume, FANCY NIGHTS. And her other, other perfume, FANCY LOVE. Seriously, at this point, I legitimately think she is just working up to being allowed to sell something called FANCY: I LOVE THAT REBA MCENTIRE SONG FANCY: I CAN’T CLOSE MY MOUTH: NOT WITHOUT MY OXYGEN. Sure, it sounds like a Lifetime movie, but you can’t tell me that FANCY NIGHTS does not.

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Fancy Fugs


Ah, yes, just another mildly breezy Los Angeles day in May, the perfect opportunity to wear this.

Now, I’m sure you’re thinking, “Oh, Heather, why on Earth is she wearing a heavy sweater at this time of year in California? Does that not seem FISHY to you?” Well, sweet reader, that’s because it’s not just a sweater.

tsk tsk

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