Fugger: Jessica Brown Findlay

Fug the Cover, Jessica Brown Findlay on Tatler, September 2014

Look, I LOVE Tatler, but this is arguably meaner than what happened to poor Lady Sybil:

Jessica Brown Findlay on Tatler (1)

I mean, I want to read ALL of those articles. The Poshest Old People’s Homes? YES. Secret Oxford clubs? YES. 10 Signs I Am A Bad Houseguest? YES. (Though I can probably guess those: leave your dirty towels on the floor, shag the hostess’s husband, break someone’s priceless Waterford something or other.) They even used the word “twit,” which I love, and which we don’t use enough. BUT DUDES. YOU GUYS. COME ON. WHAT.¬† She looks like Ashlee Simpson in this shot, and as much as I LONG for Ashlee Simpson to guest on Downton season 7 — IMAGINE IT — she does not belong on the cover of Tatler.¬†UNLESS THIS TOO IS TONGUE-IN-CHEEK. In which case, well played, old friends, but perhaps not very charitably.


Downton Fuggy

Poor Lady Sybil:

This just screams, “Season Three: Thomas and Lady Edith realize that only by working together can they achieve their most closely-held selfish and jealous dreams. They begin by sabotaging Lady Sybil (recently returned from wherever the hell she went with that boring but vaguely attractive chauffeur) in a tender spot: her wardrobe. Can Lady Sybil remain alluring when all she has to wear is mumsy, shapeless, and dishwater-colored? Will Lady Edith end up with that horrible old dude, or will the universe finally throw her a bone (pun intended)? Will Thomas finally get shoved down a well like he deserves? All that and more…ON MASTERPIECE CLASSIC.”


BAFTAs Feh Carpet: The Ladies of Downton

I have questions. First and foremost, why isn’t Michelle Dockery at the BAFTAs? We had hoped the answer was that she was following her Letterman appearance late last week with a bunch of Fashion shows, but alas, we’ve yet to see her in the front row anywhere. Second: Why isn’t Michelle Dockery in the front row anywhere? This girl is for real now. She is, as Victoria Beckham would say, major. She’s going to be all over the place soon enough, so designers should be tripping over themselves to get her in their camp. And third: How come these other ladies aren’t rocking something unusual and fabulous? It’s not that Anna and Cora look BAD, per se, but it’s a bit samey. And Sybil! SYBIL. YOU CANNOT. And whither Edith? Seriously, Downton Fever is a thing now. Several of the early shows we saw were very Lady Mary Crawley. And since nobody’s putting Mr. Bates in any froofy Oscar de la Renta, they’d better get on Mary and these other lasses. They can’t do it alone, and by “it” I will eventually mean “the Emmys,” or in breakout star Dockery’s case, I suspect, the Met Ball. Or possibly, because it would be incredibly entertaining, one of those fake awards shows on MTV. That’s a lot of outfits. Hop to it, clothiers.

[Photos: Getty]