Fugger: Jenna Jameson

Jenna Fugeson


I know, I know. This is Jenna Jameson. I know where the bar has been set.

But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have the initiative to find that tiny space beneath it and make it her home.

[Photo: WENN]

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Jenna Fugmason


Okay, listen, I am not crazy. Jenna Jameson is a former porn star, who is appearing at an event at Crazy Horse III, a “gentleman’s club” in Las Vegas. I don’t expect her to show up wearing a little flowered dress. I can’t exactly complain about this. It would be complaining about a Hooter’s waitress wearing hot pants. THAT BEING SAID:

HOW DOES THIS EVEN WORK?

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Mixed Martial Fugs


I am not entirely sure why Jenna Jameson and Tito Ortiz are treating the red carpet for the MMA awards as if it’s their Prom photo. Perhaps she’s protecting him from his foes by using her bosom as a human shield. Maybe that’s why she chose to wear a dress that makes rather a sizable ornament out of her ample assets. My question: Could it possibly survive the entire red carpet experience without dropping down to her feet? Join me on the slideshow to see how she fared.

[Photos: Getty, WENN.com]

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Jenna Fugeson


First off, I’m thrilled to report that Jenna Jameson, former adult film star/entrepreneur extraordinaire, is looking very healthy after having her babies a couple of months ago. I was scared she was going to ratchet down to crazy skinny again, but I think she looks fabulous just as she is. Outfit excluded:

Girl. I know your job history may have slightly warped your view of what is actually considered clothing, but I’m pretty sure this was last seen on a showgirl in Atlantic City’s famous Ancient Greece-themed revue, Topless Acropolis.

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Fugga Jameson


Jenna Jameson claims her divorce caused her recent, startling weight loss that has rendered her alarmingly ill and plastic-looking. And that might be a true story, and if so, I’m sorry she’s hitting a rough patch. But when I find myself in times of sorrow, Oscar Meyer comes to me, speaking words of wisdom. Words like “beef hot dog” and “bologna” and “bacon.” So I can’t relate. Plus, since she’s identified her problem, you’d think she’d start doing different things to cope with it. Things like:

1) Take two pieces of white bread. Slap an assload of cheddar on them. Butter the outsides. Fry until golden  brown. Then shove into your mouth and lick your greasy fingers and marinate in the bliss of a grilled-cheese sandwich. Repeat as needed. (And may I suggest a scraping of mustard and a splash or five of Worcestershire Sauce? You won’t be sorry.)

2) Don’t wear a sack dress that hangs limply off your vexingly bony frame.

3) Buy pre-made cookie dough. Preheat the oven, per the directions. Open the dough and proceed to eat it. Laugh to yourself that you bothered turning on the oven and switch it off, retiring to the couch with your dough loaf and a spoon.

That’s just a sampling, And yes, that last one isn’t exactly a healthy way to put on weight, but it IS a very mentally soothing exercise that comes in handy when you’re angry and you just want to sit at home and relax with a viewing of Crossroads and the subsequent barrage of reminders that your life could be worse. Mostly, we just feel that clearly, Jenna’s coping skills consist primarily of consuming no solid food, so count us in among the people who hope she realizes that strategy isn’t working to her advantage and that she will be much stronger for the rough road ahead if she is fortified with carbohydrates. And if our gift of grilled cheese — seriously, the Lea & Perrins makes it sing — somehow doesn’t help, well, at least we tried.

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Oscar Post-Party Fug: Jenna Jameson


I know Jenna Jameson is a famed porn star, and therefore we shouldn’t anticipate that she would abide by the standards of normalcy applied to much of the rest of the sentient world. But, something’s gone awry there. Consider Ms. Jameson at the Big in ’06 awards late last year:

Boobalicious, and certainly not all-natural by any stretch of the imagination, but she’s still a pretty girl and you can see why she’s had such a long and, er, active career.

So we were rather alarmed to see the condition of her face at an Oscar afterparty this past Sunday night.

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