Fugger: Eva Mendes
As I waited for this picture to download, I thought, “Wow, Eva Mendes hasn’t been in a movie in AGES. I wonder what she’s up to. A girl’s career can not run on dating Ryan Gosling alone.” So I looked on IMDb, and she’s in the new HBO movie from Larry David, also starring My Boyfriend Jon Hamm, so I guess she’s doing okay for herself:
EVEN IF SHE CAN’T DRESS HERSELF. I kid you not, there is FOR SURE a scene in the Judith Krantz masterwork Scruples wherein our heroine Billie Winthrop Ikehorn Orsini puts on this very jumpsuit — presumably before running down to her store to give someone hell. Sexy, sexy hell. And while that is, in a sense, a compliment — I sincerely love that book — while Billie WIO remains awesome, her outfits are perhaps best left in the 80s.
(Parenthetically, I will not rest until all of you have read Scruples and, in fact, at least 2/3rs of the Krantz oeuvre. She published Scruples, her first novel, when she was 50 YEARS OLD, after working in magazines for years, and all of her heroines have extremely interesting, well-drawn jobs. It’s nice to read a trashy book where the heroine has all kinds of romantical problems but also has a fascinating and compelling career. I am both devastated that the Natalie Portman-produced pilot of Scruples never got picked up, but also perhaps relieved that I don’t have to see Chad Michael Murray RUIN the character of Spider Elliot every week. I’m so torn. I long to see that pilot, as I fear it must have been completely hilari-bad. ANYWAY. I also highly recommend Krantz’s autobiography. It is called — wait for it — Sex and Shopping. And it’s dishy. Thus concludes this meeting of the GFY Parenthetical Trashy Book Club. We don’t like your outfit, Eva, but we appreciate the excuse for the digression.)
[Photo: Pacific Coast News]
This is great if you’re going to Easter brunch at the club with your grandmother, but otherwise, it’s giving me a toothache:
FIRST: Can we just sidebar and talk about how Eva Mendes and Ryan Gosling are still dating? How is that even happening? It seems like something that someone made up and we all just decided to nod and smile and wait it out, but it’s been AGES? I just can’t see them together. And I’ve never met either one of them, so you know I have a good grasp on this.
SECOND: Her dress. There’s SOMETHING here, right? We can do something about this….right? I would start by removing that lace bit across her clavicle. And then finish by making it into a romper. (Not really.) What would you do?
I actually don’t mind this dress — it might even be kind of cute.
But on someone else. Something about it just looks off to me on Eva Mendes (and not just the fact that it’s poofing out in the back like she has an actual tuffet sewn under there for any spontaneous curds-and-whey snacking she might want to do) . Like a bad game of dress-up — say, how little brothers feel when their older sisters treat them like human dolls. Which is not to say I think Eva Mendes looks like somebody’s little brother; just that… I don’t know. I guess I’ve never seen her image as being quite this Mad Men/retro before, so I feel like I’m looking at a paper doll, and in a second someone will fold back the tabs at her neck and waist and lift that off and replace it with something that suits her a bit better — even, nay especially, if it is insane — and then maybe unhook her shoes and pick ones that don’t make her feet look like skis, and then we’ll all be on our way without disruption of the Earth’s axial spin.
Meanwhile, she wore something I DID hate earlier in the week, but redeemed herself on Jimmy Fallon’s show. I’m so fickle. Come see why.
I’ve been WONDERING what vampire bridesmaids were forced to wear at weddings in the 70s. NOW I KNOW.