In which Cressida Bonas leaves her scrunchie behind.
Fugger: Dakota Fanning
I have a very basic question for you, and it is: Is she pulling this off, or what?
I feel like she SHOULDN’T be — she’s so pale, and this dress is so pale, and it seems like those two things ought to combine to make her look like a big old glass of milk — but she MIGHT be, in a weird and slightly appealing Tim Burton Styled Me kind of way. What do you think?
(Is it her lipstick? It might be her lipstick.)
This is a toughie for me.
This is EXTREMELY GOOP Lite to me, and I can’t decide if that’s good or bad. I’m not sure if Dakota Fanning ever actually sells the more adventurous stuff she wears, or is she just sort of allows it to be on her body and then waits until it goes away again. Does she ever seem at home in this stuff? Is she trying too hard? I mean, sure, I’d rather she tried than showed up in formal shorts and Birkenstocks, but after this many years I still think she is having to make the clothes work rather than making the clothes work for her.
So, I’m torn. This could be super edgy and fun that she’s swinging around in a cape, or the boots could be a step too far. OR, she could be at exactly the right age to pull off those suckers and is simply a soldier of time and place. Or none of it matters because WHY did this party decide a moldering heap of faded insulation was an attractive representation of snow? Is THAT why she looks terrified, or is she just scared of what we’re going to say about her armpit vents?
First, and most importantly, I totally just decided that Dakota and Kate Hudson need to star in a Gilmore Girls meets Thelma and Louise road trip movie as a sassy mother and her wise-beyond-her-years daughter:
They’re obviously driving across country the summer before Dakota goes to college, and because Kate had Dakota when she was merely 15 (their actual age difference), and then farmed her out to be raised by her own imperious mother (GOLDIE! Playing against type!), this is their first chance to really get to know each other and clearly Kate learns to be a little more of a responsible person and Dakota learns to Just Keep Livin’ or whatever (Matthew McConaughey will cameo as her out-of-the-picture father). I will not force the ending of Thelma and Louise on them in anything other than an emotional sense. It’s going to be AMAZING when you’ve got the flu on a Sunday afternoon and run across it on USA Networks. Second, I don’t know if this is perfect, but it’s WAY better than what she wore last time. I’ll take it.
Okay. Enough is enough with this style. She looks like a beach-goer who got caught up in a fisherman’s net, and all I can say is that I hope he was cute. (And that this sounds vaguely like something that would happen in the opening act of a Nicholas Sparks novel. The fisherman would be handsome, but sad, and the beach-goer would have an attractive but fatal secret).
Legitimately, who do I have to pay to make this stop? I will GIVE MONEY if people stop wearing these things. I will do a Kickstarter and give all the money to SOMEONE if that person can guarantee that never EVER again will a celebrity think, “yes. I am going to wear a 1950s bathing suit under one of those mesh bags that generally contain oranges and then I’M GOING TO ASK PEOPLE TO TAKE PICTURES SO THAT THIS MOMENT LIVES FOREVER.” I will give all the money. All of it. Just END THIS MADNESS NOW.
Wait a minute. Do we think that’s the Letterman Dumpster, trying to disguise itself as a harmless upright piano waiting to be delivered? Is it looking up on Chastain’s bellbottomed jumpsuit and rethinking the life choice that saw it vacate that nice Park Avenue-adjacent alley outside a UES condo just to get a load of this?
Also herein: Special Guest Stars Heather Locklear, Dakota Fanning, and Kate Mara, except that one of those is a lie.