Fugger: Chad Michael Murray

He’s Alive: Chad Michael Murray

Let’s talk about our beloved Mayor of Squintsville, Chad Michael Murray. Remember like two years ago when Natalie Portman decided she was rebooting Scruples — BE STILL MY HEART — and then they went and cast CMM as Spider — MY HEART IS BROKEN — which is the worst casting EVER and then that pilot didn’t get picked up and we were all so sad? Well, don’t worry. He’s still working:

NOT as like the groovy baristo at your local Coffee N Scarves Emporium, where they’re having a BOGO on hair gel but a blistering shortage of razors, as you might think from this, but instead on some show called Chosen on something called CRACKLE that the New York Times actually says is pretty good. WHO KNEW? We are learning.


Oscars Fug and Fabs: Basic Black

Wow, a LOT of people wore black to these parties.  Some of their efforts were more successful than others.

[Photos: Getty]


Chadly Played, Chad Michael Murray

CHAD MICHAEL MURRAY: It’s true. I’m still alive.

KENZIE DALTON: I can’t BELIEVE we’re still “engaged.”

CHAD MICHAEL MURRAY: I also can’t believe I am still engaged to the teen extra I started dating before my annulment from Sophia Bush was even finalized, especially considering it’s been six years. Yes. It is true that I, Chad Michael Murray, find that unbelievable.

KENZIE: Because you thought for sure we’d be married by now?

CMM: Mostly because I thought I’d be on wife number 3 right now. Some other co-star. Maybe Hilarie Burton before she ran off and had a secret baby with Jeffrey Dean Morgan or even Ashley Benson. Yes. Ashley Benson was a strong contender even thought she didn’t know it.  Why haven’t I managed to trade you out for the next one yet, I wonder? I do keep wondering that. But I haven’t. And that is probably why we’re not married although it might be mean for me to confirm that. But enough about you and your flapper outfit, let’s talk about me and how I look irritatingly pretty good in this.

KENZIE: YOU DO. I love you.

CMM: Yeah, baby, I know.  And my hair doesn’t look as terrible as it has in the past.

KENZIE: I’m glad I talked you out of getting The Dan Scott.

CMM: I’m glad Natalie Portman started hitting the crack pipe and decided to cast me as Spider Elliott in her remake of Scruples because when that eventually airs (if ever), people are going to be talking about me again. So much talking. Talking about the Chad.

KENZIE: I love the Chad!

CMM: I know.


A ‘Welcome Back’ Squintrospectfug: Chad Michael Murray

In honor of The Squint’s appearance in the One Tree Hill season 9 (!!) trailer, in which his limp long locks are a point of tremendous hilarity in an otherwise drama-filled clip (Dan Scott looks particularly murderous), we’ve decided to take a loving look back at some of CMM’s best coifs and facial expressions. You may want to study them, because the next time you watch a stoned dog eat your hated father’s would-be-transplanted heart, you will want to reach for the right reaction. Also: bonus Lohan.

[Photos: Getty]


Fug Michael Murray

I love the look of a man in a suit. However…

I’m not going to ding young “heartthrob” Chad Michael Murray for looking sloppy — I’m assuming he wore this suit properly most of the night, and is dishevelled after a night of drinking away the pain of listening to Fergie’s performance at the Teen Choice Awards. And I appreciate his creative color choice. It’s actually a very nice look for him.

Except… white sneakers? With a suit? REALLY? Not to be all Peggy Post about it, but  junky, clunky shoes ruin the suavitude of a suit. Can’t you afford dress shoes, Triple-Barrel? If you’re feeling a bit skint, just auction off one of your three names or something — you don’t need them all, surely, and the proceeds could help fund a wee Florsheim spree.

I understand the temptation to wear running shoes at an event from which one probably wants to flee as fast as possible… I get that, truly. But why bother with a suit, then? Pull a Fallon and show up in something you’d as likely wear to the laundromat. Don’t drag your nice dress duds into it.