Fugger: Cameron Diaz

Golden Globes Afterfugty Carpet: Cameron Diaz


Well, Cameron is definitely FIT…

… but I can’t co-sign on this. The front of her dress is bunching so much that it bobs up and down like a roller-coaster for toddlers.

And that hair and makeup ages her ten years. I just… I can’t. What? No. Huh? Her hair is being processed by something, that’s for sure; just not by my brain.

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Teen Choice Awards Better Played Carpet: Cameron Diaz


It sort of amazes me that Cameron Diaz is still winning stuff at the Teen Choice Awards — this year, Best Actress in a Comedy for Bad Teacher. I have thoughts:

a) Reviewers seem to dispute that Bad Teacher was, in fact, comedic;

b) Really? She was better in a semi-loathsome role than ANYONE female in ANYTHING ELSE FUNNY this year? Bridesmaids, anyone?

c) Hang on: The other nominees were Eva Mendes in The Other Guys, which came out an eternity ago (or so it feels), to the point where I can’t even remember hearing about anything funny she did in that; Anna Faris in Take Me Home Tonight (what?); and Maya Rudolph (who didn’t have much to do) and K.Wiig. I had big issues with Wiigsy’s character in Bridesmaids, but for the driving scene alone in the last act, she should’ve had this in the bag.

d) But seriously, WERE THOSE THE BEST NOMINEES ANYONE COULD OFFER THIS YEAR? Wow. That makes me want to cry over both some spilled milk, AND some milk that is still safely in its carton. Somebody needs to hire some women for some comedies, stat, before next year’s comedic nominees are, like, Kristen Stewart in Twilight: Breaking Water, and Kate Winslet in something where Kate Winslet gets naked and cries a lot.

e) Also Bad Teacher was R-rated, meaning that if your teen chose it in ANY capacity, there’s a 50-50 chance your teen is in huge trouble tonight.

f) OR Cammy won because all those tabloids ran the same photo of her in short-shorts running a hose over herself, both in general and in every article about Justin Timberlake’s lovelife.

g) I mean, I guess she could have been good. I don’t know. But I have a hard time believing she was better than… well, okay, at least Wiig and Rudolph.

However, there is a silver lining:

Hair: brushed. Shoes: cool. Outfit: not joined at the crotch, and thus, not a romper. It’s like she’s working off a GFY checklist.

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Fug or Fab: Cameron Diaz


Well, I wrote this before Cam-Cam showed up at the Bad Teacher premiere the other day in an actual skirt, but whatever. Bear with me. For a moment in time in Germany, the Cameron Diaz Romper Tour of 2011 continued apace:

This is from her appearance on Wetten Dass?, alongside J.Lo and Heidi Klum’s Poisoned Crotch outfit, and I really hope someone shows her this photo as evidence that she needs to stop trying to hang onto A-Rod by doing workouts with him that involve, like, pulling around giant tires or whatever. Those guns are a tad overloaded and her neck muscles are starting to look like doom. She is Cameron Diaz, not Magnus Ver Magnusson, World’s Strongest Man.

Cammy did ditch the romper for the movie’s German premiere, though:

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Bad Fugcher


I was reading Vanity Fair the other day, and in the Justin Timberlake article, it mentions that he and Cameron Diaz dated five years ago. And it’s TRUE. I mean, I didn’t think Vanity Fair would lie to me through one of its typically glowing profiles, but it’s just so crazy to me — it feels like that just happened, even though he spent the last several years stringing along with Jessica Biel. So I guess I can’t suggest that Cammy did her best Boobs Legsly at the Bad Teacher, the better to rub her ex’s nose in what he’s missing. … Wait, what? They were pawing at each other? GAME ON.

[Photos: Getty and Flynet]

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Fug or Fab: Cameron Diaz


So, you know how we complain all the time about how Jennifer Aniston is in a style rut? (Not to mention a PR rut — you can’t convince me that the revelation of her relationship with Justin Theroux hasn’t been timed to coincide with her new movie for all the money in the world.) I think Cammy D here is settling into a similar one:

As Jennifer Aniston is to strapless neutral dresses, Cameron Diaz is to shorts. (That’s the answer to the first question on the GFY SAT, a test on which there will be no math.) She doesn’t look bad in them, exactly, and there’s nothing really aggressively wrong with them (unless you hate formal shorts, which we do), but the whole thing is beginning to scream, “PLEASE CONTINUE TO FIND ME AND MY LEGS RELEVANT AND PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE SEE THIS MOVIE THAT I AM IN WITH TIMBERLAKE THAT THEY SHOT LIKE A HUNDRED YEARS AGO CAN WE DO CHARLIE’S ANGELS 4? OKAY, CALL ME.”

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MTV Movie Awards Fug Carpet: Romperfest


Insert the usual about how Cameron Diaz’s legs are impressive, yes, and we too would be tempted to show them off to all comers at every turn, etc. Seriously, we all got the memo. At this point I feel like I was strapped down while someone forcibly tattooed it onto my arm.

And formal shorts are one thing, but a romper? I’m sure she calls it a Summer Jumpsuit, but I call it Stuff That’s Only Cute Before You’re Old Enough To Vote, And EVEN THEN The Jury Is Out. I respect that she is not wearing a genital-flashing skirt, but basically, I feel like this is just sort of a crotch-saver. It’s, “If I could wear a skirt this short, I would, but I can’t without inadvertently offering the world free parking in my g-spot, so I’ll just go ahead and make it shorts and VOILA, my problem is solved.” Except it’s not, because then you’re in a ROMPER. Which anagrams to RE-PROM. And do that many people want to relive those days? I think not.

On the other end of the spectrum, we have wee Elle Fanning, who is thirteen.

that can be an unlucky number

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