Fugger: Brangelina

Critics’ Choice Movie Awards Fug or Fab: Angelina Jolie


Well, it’s certainly slinky and shiny and giving her waist a wonderful curve.

angelina jolie critics choice awards

So why am I BORED? I think it’s because about 85 percent of the time, Angelina is either in tight black pants and a white shirt and a black blazer, or something befitting her whole Motherly Nightgown preference. And I’m not sure WHY, because she seems like a person who’d take bigger chances than that. If I could pin her down and ask her one off-the-record question… well, I would not ask the one I’m about to type. I have about forty I would ask first. But at SOME point I would say, “Pick a dress in this room that you wish you were wearing and tell my why you AREN’T.” Like, what about Emily Blunt’s? Angelina would KILL in a skimming, elaborate red sheath. Or Diane Kruger’s — too precious, maybe, but it’s an ATTEMPT at least. Is Angie too afraid of not being taken seriously? Because that ship has sailed — at this point in her life as an actor, director, and humanitarian, you probably either do or you don’t, and it would take a lot to sway you in either direction. What if she were as adventurous as the preternaturally sophisticated and enviable Cate Blanchett, who manages to come off important and real at all times even when she’s wearing a glorified spider web? So I mean… you do you, Angelina, and if that’s what THIS is, then congratulate whoever found something that lies so beautifully on your waist. But if this isn’t really you and you’re playing a role, please claw out of your rut. Because you could DOMINATE if you wanted to, and I often wish you did.

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[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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Fugs and Fabs: Other AFI Fest Highlights


In which we ask, for the eleventieth time, “No, but seriously, WHAT IS GOING ON WITH BRAD PITT?”

[Photos: Getty]

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Fug or Fab: Brangelina at the Unbroken Premiere


This is Gucci Premiere on Angelina.  At least it’s a pattern?

[Photos: INF, Getty]

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Hollywood Film Awards Fug or Fab: Angelina Jolie in Versace


Angie here looks exhausted. Unbroken is coming out on Christmas Day, and I wonder if she’s been locked away in an edit bay or in a sound mix, or something, trying to get that sucker in ship-shape so that she gets a bunch of award nominations.

Angelina Jolie

The gentleman with her plays Louis Zamperini in the movie, by the way. He looks nice and seems unfazed by having Angelina on his arm, and won a New Hollywood Award, which is interesting given that I don’t know if anyone’s actually SEEN this film yet and I doubt he got it for 300: Rise of an Empire.

ANYHOO: Angie’s dress is so simple that I would’ve guessed it was Calvin Klein. There aren’t nearly enough metal or cutouts for me to have pegged it as Versace — and in fact, it’s custom, so that’s probably why. (But at that point, why would Versace want to custom-make a dress that looks like it’s by someone else? All press is good press, I guess?) Also, the fabric is actually sort of woolen and corporate, like you’d find in a very nice suit, or a CK or maybe even Boss Woman line:

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WTF: Brad Pitt


We’ve asked before what the ever-living effing smackballs is going on with Brad Pitt.

Brad Pitt

But today, I raise you a “firebreathing.”  Because what the ever-living fire-breathing effing smackballs IS going on with Brad Pitt?

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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Royals Round-Up, October 10th, 2014



This week’s Round-Up brings you ARCHERY and LEOPARD PRINT and FOREARMS and ANGELINA JOLIE and PLASTIC BODIES. Wait, what?

Elsewhere:

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