Fugger: Ashanti

New York Fugshion Week: Day One

We saw Ashanti at BCBG on Thursday morning — always our Fashion Week opener – and she gave us this:

Yes: the finger. Via her shoes. With a long pink nail. To be clear, she was totally cheerful and friendly the whole time; she just happened to be wearing these Massimo Doganas, which the Internet says cost about $1100 (and are called F U shoes, and also have the phrase spelled out in cursive on the platform). For that kind of money, it should also be able to shave her leg, moisturize it, and contract the finger to scratch any itches she might develop. But at least this achieved one very important thing: I totally now have my Halloween costume set for next year. No need to bother with the rest of Ashanti — I’m JUST going to go as this shoe. And then later also possibly try to sell ad space on my feet to the American Sign Language people.

I suppose you might want to see what one wears WITH F U shoes. Here is Ashanti’s option:

it will never live up to the shoe’s promise



So, do we think this is Ashanti in costume as a leopard…

[Photo: Splash News]

… or a leopard in costume as Ashanti? Because each one makes about as much sense as the other, but at least the leopard would have an excuse for a corset.

Grammys Fug Carpet: Ashanti

I would seriously have paid someone $100 bucks to sneak up behind Ashanti at the Grammys with a pair of scissors and just chop off that train:

In fact, fifty bucks to whichever member of Ashanti’s entourage gets to her closet first and does it now.



Listen up, Ashanti.

You are not Rihanna. You are not a long-lost Jackson sister. And you are not starring in Pretty Woman 2: Hooker Boogaloo.  I am not fooled.



There are no words.

[Photo: WENN]

It’s outfits like this that make me imagine what it felt like to be Ashanti, standing in her dressing room, rummaging around for all the pieces to this outfit. Wondering if she should tuck the top into her plastic high-waisted ruched leggings; wondering if she could DARE wear it out without the purple satin belt; freaking out because she couldn’t remember where she put her fist-sized sparkly earrings, and angrily having to substitute something slightly smaller; lovingly applying that extra dollop of eyelash gel so they clumped into spiky ocular claws.

And then, I imagine what it felt like to be Ashanti’s assistant, watching all this happen and thinking privately, “I have GOT to stop letting her eat paste.”


BET Awards Fug: Ashanti

That Ashanti! She’s so selfless. Look at how she sacrifices herself so that we might all learn an important fashion lesson.

When the subject stands still, everything is fine. Sure, it looks like she stapled a drape to a figure-skating costume, and either there is an optical illusion causing me to think I can see her underwear, or I actually CAN see her underwear. But aside from all the confused frowning I’m doing in the direction of her crotch, she’s not in danger of directing our ship into the Bermuda Triangle.

Unfortunately, the subject had to move.
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Lordy, I think everyone in the TRL green room yesterday had been passing the flux capacitor on the left-hand side:

No wonder Ashanti looks cranky. Not only does it seem like she can’t breathe in those, but the entire outfit is horribly unflattering, and I expect her crotch is five minutes away from filing a malpractice suit. Retro flair is fun, and all, but it’s just not worth it if you leave us all wishing we could go back in time to before we knew this photo existed.