There has been much online to-do over actor Rupert Everett’s alleged-maybe-probably plastic surgery. You may remember Rupert from such movies as My Best Friend’s Wedding, where he played the dapper gay BFF of Julia Roberts’ character, or from that movie he did with Madonna that nobody saw. Or even from St. Trinian’s, when he dressed in drag to play the batty lady principal of a school of miscreants, and whose love interest in the movie was Colin Firth.
And Rupert probably, in your mind’s eye, looks like this:
Or, you know, a bit younger. But the point is, that’s a shot from his “before” era.
Here is the “after” shot currently making the rounds on the Intertubes:
[Photo: Star Magazine]
On the left? Rupert in probably the craggiest picture they could find of him. On the right: Rupert as allegedly seen on Martha Stewart’s show about a week or two ago. Shocking, no? He went from being interesting and rumpled-hot to looking like a newscaster.
Or did he? Because I can’t decide if that photo on the right is just a trick of angles and facial expressions — or airbrushing — or whether Rupert really did iron the character clean out of his face, to the point where he looks like his own vaguely Jeff Probst-ian cousin. So let’s consider some evidence.
First, some stills from the exact same Martha Stewart segment. Pardon the quality, but the video player on her Web site really sucks — do you hear that, Martha, you minx? FIX IT — and I got frustrated trying to get all the best angles.
He looks far less plastic and tweaked here. He can even move his forehead! Well done, Rupert. Instead of looking completely overhauled, it just seems like he may have taken a very long and extremely refreshing nap. After a passionate affair with Just For Men No. 31: Espresso.
However, there is also this damning shot from his appearance on Rachael Ray back in late March:
And there he is again: The half-Probst, half-Everett mutant in a quilted vest who doesn’t look like he wants to save you from yourself at your best friend’s wedding, so much as he’d like to banter with you meaninglessly about the Inland Empire-area dog that learned to use a fork before throwing things over to the Dean of Local Sports.
So in sum: When Rupert smiles, things go all taut; when he doesn’t, he just looks lightly tweaked. I can’t decide if it’s a travesty, much ado about nothing, or just an excuse to watch that Martha segment over and over with newly invented drinking-game rules involving Rupert’s face. But at least he hasn’t gone full Kenny Rogers yet — that dude’s plastic surgery is beyond salvation. The Gambler didn’t break even; he just broke.