Jessica Biel is seriously making the rounds — I know she has the A-Team movie coming out, but by the time that premiere even happens, she’ll be a zombie. Although I guess she did just climb Kilamanjaro, so it’s possible that compared with scaling a massive chilly peak, showing up in a bunch of dresses with her hair done just-so is not a problem. It may have impacted her judgment, though. Please come on down and get all evidenciary with me.
The prosecution suggests that this looks like a nicotine-stained caftan; the defense announces that it’s actually sort of striking and youthful. Aghast, the prosecutors express concern that the defense is unaware that the unofficial definition of “caftan” is, “garment worn by octagenarians as a swim cover-up, or cocktail-hour attire whenever the pool boy or a strapping plumber is finishing his duties.” The defense pauses for a moment, wiping tears of grief from its eyes and then choking that the prosecution is committing a crime against America by defiling the very garment cherished by many, if not all, of our fallen Golden Girls, and requests a moment of silence.